Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

Some african cultures the woman is the head and the man is submissive. I can't remember what the tribe names were though.

And they are some "new age" religons like that too. I seen a couple of churchs like that That is why I always say it is how people interpet the bible or whatever their religion has.

Because you literally can spin the bible and any other book to make it seem like it says exactly the way you want it to be.

[JBH3]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

It's freaking 2009. Why are we still having these conversations?

Do we really believe that we're the head of the household by default of our reproductive organ?

Are marriages by monarchy successful? I think not.

Do you (those who are pro the thread title) not see a woman as your equal because w/ one punch you can knock her out?

In our household we both bring in roughly the same income.

Financial decisions, parenting techniques, & general activities are discussed between the both of us, and decided on with transparency to the topic and all feelings/thoughts/ideas/opinions out on the table.

Agreement is made with both of us happy with the outcome/decision, and frankly I don't see how it can work any other way unless your partner is a "push-over", for lack of better term.

...and push-overs tend to get bitter at some point because they're doing too much "pushing over". So it only disolves into more marriage problems if you're making all the decisions w/ no regard to your partner or engaging them to be communicative.

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

Like I said before, it depends on your religious and cultural backgrounds. Thats why I dont knock other people arrangements. To me yeah it seems strange as hell, but if it works for them, then hey.

[JBH3]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

Really depends on YOUR religious beliefs and how YOU interpet the bible, koran or whatever it is your relgion has.

In some religions and depending on which sect of that religion they belong to, man is the head of the household and the woman must be submissive to the man of the household. It isn't 50/50.

You literally can spin the bible and any other book to make it seem like it says exactly the way you want it to be.

Which is why we must THINK FOR OURSELVES.

I was at a wedding over the summer where the grooms uncles, during their toast, gave a message to the bride..."Submit to your man"..."Submit to your man because that is God's will". I just facepalmed and shook my head. This was the grooms 2nd marriage, and the bride's first. Obviously submitting didn't work for bride #1...she remarried, has children, and by all accounts is happy.

The same two uncles then proceeded to be even more inappropriate stating "Now it's time to consummate"..."We need some kids quick". Will they be raising them? Hell no.

[Stumbleweed]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

I was at a wedding over the summer where the grooms uncles, during their toast, gave a message to the bride..."Submit to your man"..."Submit to your man because that is God's will". I just facepalmed and shook my head. This was the grooms 2nd marriage, and the bride's first. Obviously submitting didn't work for bride #1...she remarried, has children, and by all accounts is happy.

The same two uncles then proceeded to be even more inappropriate stating "Now it's time to consummate"..."We need some kids quick". Will they be raising them? Hell no.

That's basically abhorrent to me. I don't understand religion really, but this just rubs me the wrong way in SO MANY ways. I would've either busted out laughing or said something to them if I was there haha... it's not in my nature to sit by and let that kind of stuff get said even if I'm a non-confrontational and fairly relativistic person in general. Ugh. It's one thing if the wife buys into the whole arrangement and agrees with that viewpoint, but somehow I don't think that's normally the case.

I think the same about wearing burqas and the like -- if the woman is okay with it (even if it's simply because the culture has become ingrained in her since birth), then I don't have any issues. Many women like wearing the burqas because they believe that it makes their marriage or non-burqa time more special... can't judge or hate on that really. But if the man or the dominant culture/government is making them wear it and they don't want to, then it becomes a problem for me.

[DC]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

If I were that woman's family I would have wanted to smack those uncles

[KG]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

Like I said before, it depends on your religious and cultural backgrounds. Thats why I dont knock other people arrangements. To me yeah it seems strange as hell, but if it works for them, then hey.

yeah, I have a couple of friends who have different cultural backgrounds than me. Their parents marriages are little "different" but I can respect that.

[DC]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

Different how so KG?

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

Oh I have been to some friends family functions where the women arent even allowed to speak unless spoken to or they got to sit at a different table. You really got some weird arrangements in this world.

[Po Pimp]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

More often than not, women I have been out with wanted me to be more "take charge" with them. Like if I'm walking a step behind them, they grab me by the arm and walk with me. If they want to go out to eat, they'll want me to choose the restaurant.

It's not even that I'm being passive. I really don't care where I eat, so that's why I tell her choose cause I'll eat anything. As far as walking behind them, that's just my nature to be a protector. I would never have a chick walk behind me so someone can mug her from behind.

So obviously, you want compromise, and you want it to be 50:50, but how would you measure that? I would definitely be the head of my household when it comes time to settle down.

[KG]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

Different how so KG?

My boy is Muslim. Most of the men in his family (uncles and cousins) worked and their wives did not. They took care of the kids and played more passive roles when it came to decision making. They also always sat in the back of the car, waited for the men to speak first, etc...

But not his mom & pops, she is more "Western" (maybe because they've been in the US the longest). She actually runs the family business.

Sort of the same thing for one of my friends who is Russian. Mom did all of the child raising. Pops provided for their family and made most of the important decisions. Before you ask DC, I never saw his pops kiss him once, hell even hug him, LOL.

Edit: Not saying this is the norm in those cultures. Just what I saw and was told when I asked about it.

[JBH3]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

That's basically abhorrent to me. I don't understand religion really, but this just rubs me the wrong way in SO MANY ways. I would've either busted out laughing or said something to them if I was there haha... it's not in my nature to sit by and let that kind of stuff get said even if I'm a non-confrontational and fairly relativistic person in general. Ugh. It's one thing if the wife buys into the whole arrangement and agrees with that viewpoint, but somehow I don't think that's normally the case.

I hear ya. In this setting confronting anything like that would have been real bad. I typically don't care what they say until it encroaches into my life. Like if someone wants to give me a sermon (I am Christian), or encroach their beliefs as norm.

Feel the same as you on the burquas.

If I were that woman's family I would have wanted to smack those uncles

She just sat there and listened, but knowing her she's not the submitting type. She's an assistant principal, and very authoritarian. I think the grooms two uncles were just some jackasses (at least from that display).

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

That is true.....you do have a lot of women that want the guy to take charge. And if you dont they will label you as soft and move on to the next guy.

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

She's an assistant principal, and very authoritarian.

That really don't mean anything in the home life. Because I know a lot of powerful women in the workforce that turn into submissive kittens when they are at home with their husband.

Just like I know some men bosses who are submissive puppies to their wife.

People can be all bark at work and be the exact opposite at home.

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[Trevytrev11]

Re: Do you believe that the Man should be the LEADER of the relationship? (Stolen)

That is true.....you do have a lot of women that want the guy to take charge. And if you dont they will label you as soft and move on to the next guy.

Different though when you are talking about a girl looking to start a relationship for a guy than it is when you are talking about long term relationships, though I'm sure there definitely some carry over.

Girls typically wait for guys to make the first move, choose where to go on their first date (and pay), etc...doesn't mean though that after 5 years of dating, they get married and the man decides where they are going to live, what kind of car they will drive, etc.