Re: Do I Have A Shot At Getting Custody Of My Kid? (Serious Topic)
I know I am going to sound like a horrible person in this post, but bare with me.
Your case, just like mine, is never open and shut. It all depends on what judge you get and what his feelings are on this case. Most judges sympathize with the woman regardless of their history. If your ex can clean herself up and look pretty and act like some innocent victim in front of the judge, you stand no chance.
The actual ruling on my sons case came down to what they called " Default" . Basically because I failed to show up for the custody hearing the first time, I forfieted my rights to my son. I had no way of knowing a court case was even scheduled since her mom signed a form saying that I was served custody paperwork. No person of legal stature had to serve me, just a witness saying I recieved paperwork ( which was her mom ). Now...I proved without a shadow of a doubt that there was no way possible I had been notified, but the judge didnt care.
Now...from a legal perspective...what the judge did was illegal and here is why. According to the date I was supposedly served, I was still active duty deployed overseas. There is a law called the Soldiers and Saliors Act or the Soldiers Relief Act that protects soldiers from civilian courts while they are overseas. This law is open and shut, but the judge decided to not follow it even though it was brought up.
When I tried to bring an appeal, I was informed that unless I was able to provide any " mitigating" circumstances that were not availiable at the first court hearing, then I had nothing to appeal the ruling off of. You cant appeal simply because you dont agree with the judge I found out.
Everyday for 8 years my ex has made my son hate me. My son will want to go to Universal or something for his birthday and his mom will have him call me and ask to go. I tell him that I will do my best and he gets excited. Tickets are about $70 each....
My ex then tells me that I need to send enough money to take my son ( 70) and her (140 ) then I need to send her husband ( 210 ) and his son from a previous marriage ( 280 ). They have 2 kids of their own that arent mine so I need to send money for the other kids (420) to go. This is on top of the fact they MAY need to stay in a hotel which is another 120ish (540) and of course food for the whole family ( 640 )
So what turns into a simple birthday turns into a $640 out of pocket cost...on top of the $500 a month I have already sent... Im not in a financial position to do it, I just cant...
So now I am forced to tell my son I cant send money for him to go and I am made to look like an evil person. Her husband has no problem carrying his son to Universal and mine isnt allowed to go, but if I want him to go, I have to pay for the entire family..
This has gone on for years. I no longer care. I have given up.
If your ex is as evil as mine has been....and it pains me to say this....let him go. You will never win if the court system sides with her.
It has taken me years to get to this point, but I came to realize that if she kept pushing me into a corner and making my son hate me on a daily basis, I would be in prison for the rest of my life because I would have killed her.
One day I stopped answering my phone. I have not talked to her or my son in about a year now and I am finally at a middle ground of peace. I send my money and thats it. No contact, no pictures, no birthdays, no Christmas...nothing anymore.
If she is as evil as you say, she will do everything to use the love of your son to fug your world up.
In 8 years I have never recovered financially from the diaster of her having my child. I now owe so much money and my credit is so bad that everytime I apply for any type of job Im qualified for, my background and credit check comes back to haunt me and its all because of that one bitz.
The only hope I have is that when my son is 18 and wants to come kick my azz for being such a deadbeat dad, that he will take the time to listen to my side of the story and pray to God he can find it in his heart to listen , forgive, and understand why things were the way they were.
I know I am going to sound like a horrible person in this post, but bare with me.
Your case, just like mine, is never open and shut. It all depends on what judge you get and what his feelings are on this case. Most judges sympathize with the woman regardless of their history. If your ex can clean herself up and look pretty and act like some innocent victim in front of the judge, you stand no chance.
The actual ruling on my sons case came down to what they called " Default" . Basically because I failed to show up for the custody hearing the first time, I forfieted my rights to my son. I had no way of knowing a court case was even scheduled since her mom signed a form saying that I was served custody paperwork. No person of legal stature had to serve me, just a witness saying I recieved paperwork ( which was her mom ). Now...I proved without a shadow of a doubt that there was no way possible I had been notified, but the judge didnt care.
Now...from a legal perspective...what the judge did was illegal and here is why. According to the date I was supposedly served, I was still active duty deployed overseas. There is a law called the Soldiers and Saliors Act or the Soldiers Relief Act that protects soldiers from civilian courts while they are overseas. This law is open and shut, but the judge decided to not follow it even though it was brought up.
When I tried to bring an appeal, I was informed that unless I was able to provide any " mitigating" circumstances that were not availiable at the first court hearing, then I had nothing to appeal the ruling off of. You cant appeal simply because you dont agree with the judge I found out.
Everyday for 8 years my ex has made my son hate me. My son will want to go to Universal or something for his birthday and his mom will have him call me and ask to go. I tell him that I will do my best and he gets excited. Tickets are about $70 each....
My ex then tells me that I need to send enough money to take my son ( 70) and her (140 ) then I need to send her husband ( 210 ) and his son from a previous marriage ( 280 ). They have 2 kids of their own that arent mine so I need to send money for the other kids (420) to go. This is on top of the fact they MAY need to stay in a hotel which is another 120ish (540) and of course food for the whole family ( 640 )
So what turns into a simple birthday turns into a $640 out of pocket cost...on top of the $500 a month I have already sent... Im not in a financial position to do it, I just cant...
So now I am forced to tell my son I cant send money for him to go and I am made to look like an evil person. Her husband has no problem carrying his son to Universal and mine isnt allowed to go, but if I want him to go, I have to pay for the entire family..
This has gone on for years. I no longer care. I have given up.
If your ex is as evil as mine has been....and it pains me to say this....let him go. You will never win if the court system sides with her.
It has taken me years to get to this point, but I came to realize that if she kept pushing me into a corner and making my son hate me on a daily basis, I would be in prison for the rest of my life because I would have killed her.
One day I stopped answering my phone. I have not talked to her or my son in about a year now and I am finally at a middle ground of peace. I send my money and thats it. No contact, no pictures, no birthdays, no Christmas...nothing anymore.
If she is as evil as you say, she will do everything to use the love of your son to fug your world up.
In 8 years I have never recovered financially from the diaster of her having my child. I now owe so much money and my credit is so bad that everytime I apply for any type of job Im qualified for, my background and credit check comes back to haunt me and its all because of that one bitz.
The only hope I have is that when my son is 18 and wants to come kick my azz for being such a deadbeat dad, that he will take the time to listen to my side of the story and pray to God he can find it in his heart to listen , forgive, and understand why things were the way they were.
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