Living together before marriage

[elgreazy1]

Re: Living together before marriage

I've been in my relationship for 3.5 years, been engaged for almost 1.5 of it, and have lived with said person for about 3 years of the relationship. I don't have any problems with it. To each their own because it's a case by case relationship.

I do feel though, you should experience the other person for all they are before taking the plunge of marriage. It would naive and borderline wreckless to simply believe it's not good to give a test try especially with the world as it is now. It's like waiting to have sex to be married, it just seems very out of place in modern society.

[JohnnytheSkin]

Re: Living together before marriage

I do feel though, you should experience the other person for all they are before taking the plunge of marriage. It would naive and borderline wreckless to simply believe it's not good to give a test try especially with the world as it is now. It's like waiting to have sex to be married, it just seems very out of place in modern society.

I agree completely. I find it funny that there are some posts here saying they won't move in, but then in the next breath they say "oh, but we stay over a lot". So moving in is too far, but staying over for several days a week isn't?

I see a lot of gray area and lines in the sand...like we'll have sex, but won't stay over. OK, we'll stay over, but not for consecutive days. OK, we'll stay no more than half a week.

I think you need to ensure moral, sexual, and relational (i.e. space) compatibility all before you take the plunge into marriage. If you disagree or have different ideas about any of those three (clean vs. dirty, religious views, politics, etc.) you need to have serious thoughts about marriage or living together.

[Segagendude]

Re: Living together before marriage

We did. We lived together from 1997-2000, then got married. Still going strong today.

I believed it to be a good move, as we really got to know each other. Our quirks, likes, dislikes....and most importantly, she got to see that first thing in the morning, I'm not exactly "Mr. Sunshine".....lol.

[Aggies7]

Best thing I ever did. Moved in with my then-GF when I was 27. Scared the **** out of me, I lasted less than six months and broke it off. I'm pretty damn sure that if we didn't move in together I would have wound up marrying her and it would have been a huge mistake.

I also realized that I am in no rush at all to get married and really don't care of I ever do lol.

Just curious what scared you and made you bail when she moved in.

Reason I ask I am about to get engaged at which time she will be moving in. And wedding is planned tentatively for next October. FYI I know that is football season and only way I agreed to it was a promise we would do it on a Friday so i didn't have to miss College or Pro Football.

[superjames1992]

Re: Living together before marriage

It seems to me that living with your girlfriend before you get married would kind of ruin the specialness of the actual marriage itself. When you are already living together, then why even bother to get married?

Then again I am still in college and not even thinking about marriage yet.

[jeremym480]

Re: Living together before marriage

It seems to me that living with your girlfriend before you get married would kind of ruin the specialness of the actual marriage itself. When you are already living together, then why even bother to get married?

Then again I am still in college and not even thinking about marriage yet.

The same could be said about sleeping together before marriage as well.

[fpac]

Re: Living together before marriage

My wife and I lived together for almost 5 years before getting married. There's no way in hell I would have gotten married before living with her.

[NDAlum]

Re: Living together before marriage

It seems to me that living with your girlfriend before you get married would kind of ruin the specialness of the actual marriage itself. When you are already living together, then why even bother to get married?

Then again I am still in college and not even thinking about marriage yet.

I'm dating up, too, folks. This is my g/f at the moment!

[mgoblue]

Re: Living together before marriage

I agree completely. I find it funny that there are some posts here saying they won't move in, but then in the next breath they say "oh, but we stay over a lot". So moving in is too far, but staying over for several days a week isn't?

I see a lot of gray area and lines in the sand...like we'll have sex, but won't stay over. OK, we'll stay over, but not for consecutive days. OK, we'll stay no more than half a week.

I think you need to ensure moral, sexual, and relational (i.e. space) compatibility all before you take the plunge into marriage. If you disagree or have different ideas about any of those three (clean vs. dirty, religious views, politics, etc.) you need to have serious thoughts about marriage or living together.

I agree with you completely. My GF was going to move near me anyways (she works near here), and after doing all the thinking we realized that she'd just be throwing money down the drain with rent, cable, electric, etc.

Thankfully we were at a good point of the relationship where we were honest and can handle living together. Just seems dumb to have 2 places if you're going to spend the night often, IMO.

[superjames1992]

Re: Living together before marriage

The same could be said about sleeping together before marriage as well.

This is true.

[Sublime12089]

Re: Living together before marriage

I would never marry a woman without living with her for at least a year or so first. The steps towards marriage are as follows:

Dating/Hookup to dating > Relationship > Meet the family > Key to their apartment or house > Move in together > Get a pet together > Get engaged > Get married > Have children.

These are not hard rules, but ideally, for me.

[12]

Re: Living together before marriage

Okay... So what's the purpose of getting married if you have already slept together and lived together?

Just curious as to what the upside is. I'm not being facetious. I am sincerely curious. My wife and I abstained from sex and living together until we were married.

[Sublime12089]

Re: Living together before marriage

It is actually a disadvantage in alot of ways, but it does increase societal acceptance, esp if there is a child or you want a child.

Where you only marrying your wife so you could sleep together and live together? Well, then every other reason is why.

(that came off kinda dickish, I just don't know how to word it so it doesnt, but it wasnt meant to!)

[12]

Re: Living together before marriage

It is actually a disadvantage in alot of ways, but it does increase societal acceptance, esp if there is a child or you want a child.

Where you only marrying your wife so you could sleep together and live together? Well, then every other reason is why.

(that came off kinda dickish, I just don't know how to word it so it doesnt, but it wasnt meant to!)

No. It was obviously a huge bonus, though.

I know you didn't mean it that way. It's actually a very good question. I wish I could explain myself but I'd rather not due to the TOS.

Perhaps this was a bad thread to start, especially since I can't really give my reasoning -- which is okay, because I understand why I can't in respect to the the site and it's TOS.

[mKoz26]

Re: Living together before marriage

Okay... So what's the purpose of getting married if you have already slept together and lived together?

Just curious as to what the upside is. I'm not being facetious. I am sincerely curious. My wife and I abstained from sex and living together until we were married.

I'm not married, or close, but I'll take a shot at it.

Marriage for many is permanently linking yourself to a person. Forever. Some would argue that people can commit and that means the same thing, but to marry, by law, is the most significant way to represent that eternal bond (to many). That's why the vows, the "I do", etc., are important. They say that this is forever, divorce is not an option, I love you for the person you are.

The reasons why the divorce rate is so high are people not staying true to those promises and people not knowing that they can stay true to those promises before tying the knot.