In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Nostalgia makes you forget the bad times and only remember the good ones. As the saying goes, your ex is an ex for a reason. On the other hand, very few people get a 2nd chance so I can't say I'd blame you for giving it another go. You don't want to live your life wondering "what if..."

As for the current gf, it doesn't sound too promising. If y'all are fighting alot now, just imagine a few years down the road. Sounds like y'all need to sit down and have a honest conversation of whether you both really want to stay together.

Just because someone is a "good catch" doesn't necessarily mean they are a good catch for you.

[TMagic]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Sometimes when we remember stuff we forget the bad things too....memories make things all happy and perfect when they usually weren't at the time.



Just something to consider....



I'd at least talk to the ex now, but be honest with the current girl and don't be sleazy.

Yeah I hear ya.

Only thing is, honestly, there was no sign of us ever breaking up. We weren't having problems. We weren't fighting. We never got tired of each other. What I mean by that is we didn't ever feel like we needed space or time to ourself. Like I hear other couples say "After so long we get on each other's nerves." Or "We can't be together all the time." Not us. We'd go on a week trip where we had no choice but to be together. We'd get back and still wanted to spend even more time together. We were just as happy as ever.

In fact, before she left on her trip to Italy, she was balling about having to leave me for a whole month.

It's like I told a cousin of mine...

We had a great foundation. Upon which, we built a great house, then, as luck would have it, a plane came down and destroyed it one day. It wasn't by attrition, or bad maintenance, or by design flaws that the house finally came down. It was just a random accident.


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[ProfessaPackMan]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

You sure it wasn't Termites? Aka other issues becoming bigger and more noticeable?

[TMagic]

In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

You sure it wasn't Termites? Aka other issues becoming bigger and more noticeable?

The only issue I can honestly think of is how young we were when we got together.

Being in high school. Then college in a relationship kind of weighs on your psyche. You never got a chance to be your own person. To be a young single person.

So I guess youth was our termites. Lol

[slickdtc]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

You guys were together as teenagers too. You grew up together, suddenly she's abroad and some new guy sparks her interest.

She might've needed that. I think a lot of girls do. They need to be without you to realize you are what she needs. It doesn't make sense to push away someone who you love, but that's how it works a lot of times. It made my relationship stronger, to know it could go away. Now it wasn't 4 years, it was a month, but the point stands. Sometimes you need to feel that hurt to know that someone else has a piece of you.

The answer seems obvious: the girl you're with isn't the girl for you right now. She's just not. At least not now. Try with the ex, if that's what she wants to do (sounds like it). Who says you can't go back to your current girl in a few years when she's more grown up if things don't work out?

You need closure to your original relationship. That it works today, as grown ups after years apart. I have a strong feeling this is you guys finding your way back to each other. It's kind of beautiful. Don't **** it up! This is your chance to see if you can get back what you had, and if it doesn't work, you don't end up in the worst position anyway.

It's just too great of an opportunity/redemption or however you want to phrase it to pass up, I think. You'll regret it for the rest of your life.

But play it straight with all parties. Current girlfriend is getting a raw deal. It sucks she's gonna get hurt from all of this.

[Flightwhite24]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Leave your ex alone and stay the course with your current chick. Don't even see her. If you see her in person, it will go all down hill very fast for your current chick. I can see nothing but bad things happening if you see your ex in person. Your feelings for her is way too strong to keep it just friendly and casual.

Playing with fire...She going to meet you at In and Out wearing some yoga pants and it is going to be all over. Don't do it.

Before I even read your response Gotmadskillzson I was thinking the same thing.

You have a good thing going on TMagic. Cherish her like the "Queen" she is. Gonna leave it at that and good luck


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[Tovarich]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I had a girlfriend a while back where there are a few similarities at least to your situation. My thoughts are likely going to be contradictory in some aspect, I'm not entirely sure where my thoughts are going to take me yet.

So, I started dating this girl when I was 13, summer before I started high school. Short version, we're together for about 3 years, she moves to Pennsylvania. It was a little abrupt, not a ton of warning. We, being too young, figure, hey, maybe this long distance thing can work for a little while. Shockingly, didn't pan out. She met someone not too long after moving out, and wasn't too shy about mentioning it. We inevitably talk less and less, and break up. The lack of closure though kind of left the door open unintentionally. We knew we were right for eachother, the circumstances just weren't right. So we talk once in a blue moon, but not much. She was engaged at one point and invited me to her wedding. I was a little like, uhhhhh, no thanks. That falls through, we start talking again. She moves to LA, makes the trip to Arizona to see me once for a few days. We just picked right up where we left off when she left like she was never gone. It was great for 3 days. Then she leaves, gets back to LA, and we realize, this isn't happening with the distance. We stop talking again. Couple years later, she re-appears. We talked on the phone and text eachother every day for months. She comes back out to Arizona, this time for a week. We tried to leave off where we were again, but after 3-4 days, it was just argument after argument after argument. It had been almost 10 years since we first met, and we were both still hanging on to something from high school because we knew how great it was, but we had both moved on by then, and 10 years before, it was the same attraction of opposites as you. But then as adults, we realized it would never work, and that we didn't want it to work anymore. In the 10 years since we met, we had gone 2 completely different directions with our lives and that week made us realize that we had to let go of what we had been holding on to. We still knew what we had was great back in high school, and we never thought less of it, but we knew it could never be duplicated again. Just like you, it wasn't our fault, but the circumstances of her moving back then ended it. We took a very long time to figure that out, but eventually we did.

So, my contradictory advice. Without closure, you will wonder forever and ever and ever. You will dwell only on what was great about it and nothing else. You'll likely even exaggerate how great it was. It will eat at you forever, wondering what if. I recommend getting that closure from her. Given that you don't likely know much about what's going on with her now, you should probably get together and talk and catch up. But whether it be from that one visit, that one conversation or if you become friends again and talk regularly, you need to either decide once and for all that, to use your metaphor, that house is gone. You can re-build the same house in the same spot, but it will NOT feel the same, no matter how much it seems like it could be. Maybe it can still be great, thought just different, but you clearly have not completely emotionally moved on from her, and it's not fair to the current girl until you do.

So, in short. From the way you told the story, it's clear you can't help but wonder, and you need to find out what it will be like. My experience was that it can't be duplicated like it was before. Maybe yours can, I don't know, but you need to find out one way or the other or your current relationship will just leave you wanting more than what you have and that's not fair to either of you.

[NDAlum]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

The girl I'm with now is cool. The type of girl you want to get married to no doubt. She has most things I want in a girl. But even in saying that, I don't feel nearly the connection that I had with my ex. We just "got" each other. I'm not nearly as passionate about my current girl. We fight WAY more. And it hasn't even been a year yet. I thought this was suppose to be the "honeymoon" stage.

To me this says it all. You are too young to "settle" and it sounds like the 21-year old would be just that.

As for the ex? Personally I wouldn't as I just could never shake the fact she practically left you for another guy.

It sounds like you have things going pretty well for you and you could have a "fresh start" by just cutting off both and seeing what else is out there.

[TMagic]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

So my ex's mom ended up randomly calling me today to ask if I could give her advice on where to stay out here in the Los Angeles area.

I ask whats her price range. She says, "Well 900. But it can be a little more if Erica (my ex) decides to come with me. Theres a school she wants to go to there. But if she comes we can split the cost."

Spoiler

[TheMatrix31]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Your ex is sending out feelers and **** through her mom and through your mom (on her FB)? Are you sure *she's* not the 21 year old?

I'm going to come out and say that it doesn't sound like either ex OR your current GF are your future.

[jeremym480]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

Are your girls opened minded?
Maybe the three of you can sit down together and "talk" it out..

Spoiler

Spoiler

Either way good luck in whatever you decide.... And don't forget to keep us posted. :wink:

[ScoobySnax]

In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

I agree with GMSS and playing with an ex is absolute fire. Don't get caught up in your feelings and ****. Trust me when I say you'd only end up getting hurt. If she left once, she'd leave again.

Also agree with Matrix in that I don't see either of them in your future. You may be looking for more out of a relationship, but you're only 27 with a lot of life to live. Don't rush to find the one. She'll come around when it's time.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

If you do decide to try and re-kindle things with the ex, be prepared for the potential heartbreak AGAIN. Only you can decide if the risk is worth the reward. Certainly doesn't sound like she's completely out of your system.

[NewscasterNews4]

Re: In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

It seems like you value personality big time as I don't see anything about which girl looks better. If this is the case, I say go with your ex since she seems to have the best personality. Personally, I would ride out the relationship with the current girl while keeping the ex as a friend. You never know if your relationship with your current girl could get a ton better than it is now.

[TMagic]

In Need Of Some Serious Advice (Yes. Relationship Issues)

You know what's funny is that I never even considered the "leave the current girl and don't get back with your ex" scenario.

In my head, it's always just been ex or current girl?

I guess if I just did my own thing, that might give me some mental clarity.

I honestly don't even know if I'd miss my current gf because of her. Or more because of the fact that since I moved out to Los Angeles, I don't have very much of a social circle. In Miami I had a bunch of dudes that I could hang with. Here, not so much.

What sucks is that I KNOW this girl is in love with me. But I want to say it's because she's naive being 21. So I don't think she has much perspective.