Separate but living together

[oneamongthefence]

Re: Separate but living together

We don't live with my parents. She just wants to take an extended break and not have to worry about me.

This is not a test.

[RockinDaMike]

Re: Separate but living together

It sucks but I commend you for doing the hard thing for your kids.


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[dickey1331]

Re: Separate but living together

We don't live with my parents. She just wants to take an extended break and not have to worry about me.

This is not a test.

It sounds like she has a Jody and doesn't want to feel bad anymore about it.

You need to get out quick! My ex was crazy and she ended up going to jail for assault.

[seasprite]

Re: Separate but living together

We don't live with my parents. She just wants to take an extended break and not have to worry about me.

This is not a test.

But while she is on this "extended break"...whatever the hell that is, she is living free with no responsibility for bills, food, stuff you buy with money? The way it reads to me is that you are footing the bill for her to run around and do whatever while you keep the kids. You have got to stand up for yourself, it will be in the best interest for you and the kids.....who cares about the interest for her.

[Ghost Of The Year]

Re: Separate but living together

It;s hard enough to live together with someone when you're on good terms with them. I'd have to advise against this except as a dire emergency.
Good luck!

[wwharton]

Re: Separate but living together

We don't live with my parents. She just wants to take an extended break and not have to worry about me.

This is not a test.

At the very least, go back and look at the posts you've written in this thread. Try to imagine someone you know is writing these posts and you're reading to give them advice.

It really does sound like she is trying to create a perfect situation for herself, at your expense... and the kid is the leverage.

The biggest red flag is her pushing you to date other people and she just wants a break. Trust me, neither of those things are good for you or you two working this thing out.

[oneamongthefence]

Re: Separate but living together

It's a fairly common ordeal with her. I think she gets tired of being home all day every day. I have my flaws too. We have been pretty much roommates for the past few years. I'm not the lovey dovy type. And that's what she wants.

This is not a test.

[seasprite]

Re: Separate but living together

It's a fairly common ordeal with her. I think she gets tired of being home all day every day. I have my flaws too. We have been pretty much roommates for the past few years. I'm not the lovey dovy type. And that's what she wants.

This is not a test.

Understood and not saying dont get out of the relationship, but if you are going to get out......get out of it. Have you set a deadline to when she has to get out? Seems like you are setting yourself up to be financially responsible for all her stuff while she goes off and does her own thing. Sounds like you are being taken for a ride and you are willing to let it happen. Booting her out doesnt mean you lose your kids.....trust me, I have been down that road.

[fistofrage]

Re: Separate but living together

If you are sure this is done. Make sure it's done in a legal sense as well. Sounds like a mess, get away from it.

[TheShizNo1]

Re: Separate but living together

Why not just have an open marriage if you're cool with all of this?

[Money99]

Re: Separate but living together

No matter how long she stays, make sure you get your legal stuff down and separate your bank accounts, etc.
That could be a mess.

And while I don't have any personal experience in this matter, I know others who have and if you want to save a lot of money and headache, get an arbitrator instead of lawyers.
They won't drag this through the mud to get themselves richer and it's far more amicable which leads to a better relationship (potentially) after the break.

*A crazy note.
Someone I know through a friend of a friend....
A father of 2 left his wife and shacked up with a woman with 5 kids on her own.
They lived together for over 6 months - which makes them common law (in Canada at least) - which meant he now had to pay child support for 7 kids.
In less than 2 years, his new woman left him and yet he still had to pay all or partial support for all 7 kids. Crazy!!

[Money99]

Re: Separate but living together

It's a fairly common ordeal with her. I think she gets tired of being home all day every day. I have my flaws too. We have been pretty much roommates for the past few years. I'm not the lovey dovy type. And that's what she wants.

This is not a test.

A friend of mine is kind of going through the same thing.
Only he's the one that wants more affection and attention.

A marriage counselor once told me that a marriage is doomed from the start if the couple is unable to deal with issues right off the bat.
If they continue to 'push through' the issues hoping that one day the rain will let up and the sun will come out, the marriage will end in ruin sooner or later.

She recommends to all married couples that when an issue arises, they must talk about it and address it immediately.
Only extremely strong marriages can survive 'pushing through'.

And she points out that the 7-year-itch and the 15-year-slump are real things.
Things rear their ugly head around the 7/8 year mark and if the issues aren't addressed, it'll get worse and by the 15-year point things break.

[Hockeynut99]

Re: Separate but living together

Bring home a hot date! In all seriousness it is not a good set up but in reality happens a lot. It is tough to move out. Good luck bro.

[Hockeynut99]

Re: Separate but living together

No matter how long she stays, make sure you get your legal stuff down and separate your bank accounts, etc.
That could be a mess.

And while I don't have any personal experience in this matter, I know others who have and if you want to save a lot of money and headache, get an arbitrator instead of lawyers.
They won't drag this through the mud to get themselves richer and it's far more amicable which leads to a better relationship (potentially) after the break.

*A crazy note.
Someone I know through a friend of a friend....
A father of 2 left his wife and shacked up with a woman with 5 kids on her own.
They lived together for over 6 months - which makes them common law (in Canada at least) - which meant he now had to pay child support for 7 kids.
In less than 2 years, his new woman left him and yet he still had to pay all or partial support for all 7 kids. Crazy!!

WTF! Even though those aren't his legal kids?!? Wow!!

[Hockeynut99]

Re: Separate but living together

A friend of mine is kind of going through the same thing.
Only he's the one that wants more affection and attention.

A marriage counselor once told me that a marriage is doomed from the start if the couple is unable to deal with issues right off the bat.
If they continue to 'push through' the issues hoping that one day the rain will let up and the sun will come out, the marriage will end in ruin sooner or later.

She recommends to all married couples that when an issue arises, they must talk about it and address it immediately.
Only extremely strong marriages can survive 'pushing through'.

And she points out that the 7-year-itch and the 15-year-slump are real things.
Things rear their ugly head around the 7/8 year mark and if the issues aren't addressed, it'll get worse and by the 15-year point things break.

Bingo happen in my marriage until I gave up and walked out of the house and didn't come back. My oldest lives with me now so I don't pay child support which makes it easier. Before that I was paying 2k a month for my two sons.