Welcome Back The Baseball Fever! Backyard Baseball 2001!

[TheStraightGooch]

"Did Prince dress you today, Lame?"

"Hi, Vinnie, come on in! We were just getting ready to head to the banquet!"

During the dark stages of my addiction to alcohol, I habitually locked the door of my dumpy apartment. It was usually someone selling bibles or looking for child support. I preferred to drink.

"Vinnie, didn't your mom teach you to knock. Anyway, what is it?"

Vinnie is wearing giant shades, a small gold chain, and a backwards cap. His suit is a staggering Bright Orange. He looks like an off-brand rapper.

"You have a sense of humor. I like that. Just here to make sure you didn't do anything stupid. Like forget to name a Team MVP."

I.. forgot.

"It's a surpise, Vinnie." I'll think of it on the way to the show. I have a few names on my mind.

[TheStraightGooch]

"Are you headed to a Charlie Sheen Party or to a Team Banquet, Vinnie? You look like Kevin Federline in those clothes!"

"Charlie has the craziest parties in all of Southern California!"

I whisper "She means that as a compliment. I wouldn't take it as one".

"I do this for the Kids, Lame. The Kids. They trust guys who look down with the streets!"

I spend some time glancing over my options. The frontrunners are:

1. Sanchez, who hit .500 with 13 HR, 28 RBI and 6 SB. He pitched 6 innings out of the pen, recording a 3.0 ERA and 10 Strikeouts.
2. Steele, who hit .285 with 1 HR and 6 RBIs. In 14 Starts, Steele is 9-1, with a 1.73 ERA, and 58 SO.
3. Ashley Webber, who hit .568 with 2 HR and 10 RBIs. The backbone of our defense.
4. Phillips, who hit .577, with 2 HRs, 7 RBIs and 3 SB. She pitched 4 shutout innings as a reliever striking out 2.

[TheStraightGooch]

As the fifth backstreet boy, Cindy and I ride to the ceremony, thoughts run through my mind. We're the favorites, if for no other reason than clinching the leagues' best record, so I should be calm. The thing about playoffs is favorites get to go home early.

You learn that from being born into football. It's in the blood.

I don't know who I'll be facing -- the Indians, the Hornets, or the Yankees -- I know the names and players. Franky Holly -- the Hornets' ace, worries me the most. The team just doesn't scare me. There are no big names.

We lost our only match-up against the Wahoos. I think we can take them. Sally Dobbs isn't as good as her 6-2 record and sub-3 ERA indicate -- she may have Ernie's stuff yet she ain't a quarter the pitcher our ace is. Kenny Lofton has 'Wheelie" speed. The rest of the lineup is slow.

The Yankees have two players with 6+ Home Runs. The Yanks' pitching sucks. Amir Khan is usually one of the leagues best. He isn't pitching well, but I expect that to change. Sticks always picks himself up in the playoffs.

Derek Jeter is a hell of a shortstop. The way we rely on our speed makes him a major threat to our success.

"Ya got any word on that player of the year yet, Lame?"

Come to think of it, I'm still struggling to chose between Pablo and Ernie. Pablo set tons of record but Ernie is an absolute workhorse. It'll probably come down to who I think has helped the team most defensively. They both deserve BBL MVP consideration not just team MVP consideration.

[TheStraightGooch]

It was a hell of a convention. We just got back, and I am plastered.

I am holding Vinnie. The red and orange stains are all over his Puke Orangeshirt.

"I love you, mahn... hey! We shoudl buy the winraar a beeeer...


"I love you too, I love too, Vin-nie."

Cintronella went home with Barry DeJay. He has a 9-inch soul. No seriously, I bought it for 750 dollars sent to THIS ADDRESS.

In all due seriousness, we should/could/would giveth our congradulations to the new-ly minted M-VEE-PEE! Number-one!

Who was tha guys, Mr. Part-ee hat

Why was I not covered in puke-and-yellow-and-orange goodness? Let's just say I spiked the the big orange thing with some FI-YAH!!

THAT IS WHAT YOU GET FOR WEARING THAT HORRID ORANGE SHADE VINNIE

I try vaguely to remember who that was... his MVPEE

Quote:

Good Evening Gentleman. The Super Duper Melon-heads are #1 in the playoffssss.. we're playing the Yankees! My official pick for MVP is in the building! Congratulations, ......

[TheStraightGooch]

Quote:

...Ernie Steele! He has been day-in-and-day-out the best pitcher. In 10 decisions, Steele has only ONE Loss. But Wait! Our second player of the year is Pablo Sanchez! Sanchez has been closing games whilst leading the league in Home Runs! Way to go, Guys!

Well, I guess two houses are more difficult to appear at than one. We lurch into Cintronellas' driveway.

Barry Dejay "Looks like you guys had a looong night. You know, with my self-help twelve-inch book you could be done with that hangover like I'm done with this hoe! Just send 700 dollars...."



"Barry, do you even have a permanent address in your name?"

I remember waking up to the bright lights of morning. My brain is fried from the hang-over. Vinnie is covered in sweat, drool, and puke.

[Speedy_Bronco]

Oh man, I miss that game so much. I lost the disc though. Good job with the team. Looks sorta like my team when i played that game.

[TheStraightGooch]

It's bright and early and we aren't in jail.

Vinnie has just showered. He is wearing a towel.

Throbbing won't stop, Lame. Lend your brother an asprin?

"Vinnie, check the cabinet.

I can't wait to hear from Cintronella. Vinnie hands me a playoff bracket.



My luck. The Yankee$. The richest team in the Orange County Baseball League.

"No Luck on the Draw, eh, Vinnie."

Sorry, man, I'm too busy trying to cure this hangover.

Vinnie relies on the old classic sayin': "You can't have a hangover if you're still drunk!" He is guzzling a jack-and-cola he bought at Wal-Mart. Where does an amateur scout get all that booze money?

[TheStraightGooch]

DECEMBER 21st, 2008 IN LOCALS UNKNOWN

Lame Whiffin? Tell me about yourself, your life, your career... what brings you here

Those Three Games...
The Playoffs...

Yes, Yes.. The Playoffs... The Melonheads versus the Yankees. Tell me about Game One...

It was dominating! The fans were excited! Our home crowd was amped! Our relief was great! I was on top of the world after that game...