Joke Thread

[Beantown]

Re: Joke Thread

lmao. "If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach"

[sroz39]

Re: Joke Thread

The Army Camel

The head of a military battalion gets transferred out to a station out in the desert to head a new group of men. One of the young guys is showing him around, when he gets to a camel that has it's own tent. "This here camel, we use it when the boys get a little heated for a little love". The captain thinks to say something, but decides otherwise, knowing how lonely a man can get when on military duty.

A couple of weeks pass, and the captain is starting to long for some action. He didn't think it would come to this, but he goes into the tent with the camel. The same young man that was showing him around the first day is there. He watches as the captain takes his pants off, and proceeds to make love to the camel for hours on end. At the end of it all, exhausted, he asks the young man "Well how did I do? Is that how all you young guys do it around here?"

The young man replies "You did really good Cap, but usually the men just ride the camel into town where all the women are".

[WTF]

Re: Joke Thread

:y4: Seen that one coming, but funny nonetheless..

[23]

Re: Joke Thread

A man pulls off of the freeway lost, and looking for directions.

He sees a young kid and pulls the car up to him.

Driver : Hey there, I'm lost and I need some directions, do you know where the nearest gas station is at?

Boy: No

Driver: Do you know where the hospital is at?

Boy: Nope, I sure don't.

Driver: Well do you know where the post office is?

Boy: No

Driver: You fool.. you don't know where anything is at, you don't know anything!

Boy: "I know I'm not lost"

[WTF]

Re: Joke Thread

A journalist from New York decided to write a story about small town rural life in the south. He traveled to a small town in the south in search of a story and found a man willing to provide him with information.

The journalist asked the man to tell him his favorite story or memory growing up. The man responded, “One time, a neighbor’s goat got lost in the woods. So he rounded up a posse, we all got drunk and when we found the goat we had sex with it in every possible way before stumbling home. Man that was a good time”.

The journalist said, “That’s disgusting. I can’t use that. Please tell me your second favorite story or memory growing up.”
The man responded, “One time, a neighbor’s daughter got lost in the woods. So he rounded up a posse, we all got drunk and when we found the daughter we had sex with her in every possible way before stumbling home. Man that was a good time”.

The journalist said, “That’s terrible too. I can’t use that. Let’s try something different. Please tell me your worst memory growing up.”
The man responded, “One time, I got lost in the woods…”

I'm still laughing about this one... too funny.

[rudyjuly2]

Re: Joke Thread

I'm still laughing about this one... too funny.

I heard that joke over dinner and kept laughing thinking of the punchline. There may have been more colorful language used while telling it.

[Cyros]

Re: Joke Thread

A mother and her son are sitting in the airport.

Son: If big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?

Mother: I don't know honey, you'll have to ask a stewardess.

So the son goes off and tranks down a stewardess to ask his question again

Son: If big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?

Stewardess: Gee, I don't know. You should probably ask a pilot.

So once again, the son sets off on his journey to have his troubling question answered by the pilot.

Son: Mr Pilot, if big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?

Pilot: Well son, here at Southwest Airlines we always pull out on time.

[WTF]

Re: Joke Thread

:y4: That was pretty good too.

[Rainey]

Re: Joke Thread

A mother and her son are sitting in the airport.

Son: If big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?

Mother: I don't know honey, you'll have to ask a stewardess.

So the son goes off and tranks down a stewardess to ask his question again

Son: If big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?

Stewardess: Gee, I don't know. You should probably ask a pilot.

So once again, the son sets off on his journey to have his troubling question answered by the pilot.

Son: Mr Pilot, if big dogs have little dogs, and big cats have little cats, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?

Pilot: Well son, here at Southwest Airlines we always pull out on time.

Haha, nice.

[OSUG1]

Re: Joke Thread

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him so he looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The little white fellow faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guys says," What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 Feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, ! I have a 20 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown?...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn Around!!

[WTF]

Re: Joke Thread

That's hilarious...

[Bobolini]

Re: Joke Thread

This is quick and easy to remember:

What did the sign say on the whorehouse door?

BEAT IT! Were Closed!

[X*Cell]

Re: Joke Thread

I loved that Chili one...

Here is one a black man told me... so it should be alright to say:

A black man died and went to Heaven...

He had wings, so he went to God and asked "Wow God, you made me an angel???"

God said "No, you're a bat."

[daflyboys]

Re: Joke Thread

This is quick and easy to remember:

What did the sign say on the whorehouse door?

BEAT IT! Were Closed!

That reminds me of this one....

Did you hear about the lonely dyslexic sailor who just came ashore after 3 months at sea? He spent the night in a warehouse.

[daflyboys]

Re: Joke Thread

An adult woman in her late 20's is still living at home with her mother and father. One day, her mother walks by her room to find her daughter pleasuring herself with a vibrator. In shock, her mother exclaims, "I can't believe you're doing that! You should be married by now and let a man pleasure you!" The daughter snaps back, "What for? This thing is just as good as any husband! Who needs men!!" She then rushed her mother out of her room and slammed the door. The mother distraught, told her husband about their daughter and wondered what they would do.

That Sunday, their daughter returned from a shopping trip and upon entering the house heard a familiar noise coming from her father's TV den. She walked into the room and was aghast to see her vibrator sitting on the couch next to her father, activated, and on "high". Shockingly, she cried out, "DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" Her father replied, "I'm watching football with my son-in-law."