Joke Thread

[Speedy]

Re: Joke Thread

I heard this at church on Sunday:

A woman and her husband had been arguing all week so one day she left the house in a rage, later being arrested for shop lifting. At the trial, the prosecutors told the judge that they believe she had stolen a lot of lucrative items but the only evidence they had was she stole some peaches.

The judge asked how many and the prosecutors stated 4 peaches. The judge thought and rendered his verdict: 4 days in jail, one day for every peach she stole.

Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

A new study reveals that nine out of ten people who have a fear of hurdles never get over it.

[daflyboys]

Re: Joke Thread

These 2 good friends who haven't seen each other in a while meet up.

Bob: Hey Tom, how's it been goin?

Tom: Pretty good, how you been?

Bob: Really good, in fact, I recently developed this condition that every time I sneeze I get these tremendous orgasms!

Tom: Really!? How did that happen?

Bob: I don't know....just one day I woke up, started sneezing and then every time after that, each sneeze produces this amazing climax!

Tom: So..... what are you talking for it?

Bob:

Spoiler

Pepper!

[Trevytrev11]

Re: Joke Thread

These 2 good friends who haven't seen each other in a while meet up.

Bob: Hey Tom, how's it been goin?

Tom: Pretty good, how you been?

Bob: Really good, in fact, I recently developed this condition that every time I sneeze I get these tremendous orgasms!

Tom: Really!? How did that happen?

Bob: I don't know....just one day I woke up, started sneezing and then every time after that, each sneeze produces this amazing climax!

Tom: So..... what are you talking for it?

Bob:

Spoiler

Pepper!

This joke is less messy with Jennifer and Mary than Tom and Bob!!!

[Caulfield]

Re: Joke Thread

Drove around all weekend looking for an app store. No luck, never found one.

[Caulfield]

Re: Joke Thread

and then there was the blonde model who was looking for someone to take professional selfies of her

[Caulfield]

Re: Joke Thread

I wonder if Guy Ritchie & Sean Penn also call Madonna My Damn Ex .

[CubFan23]

Re: Joke Thread

A duck walks into a bar, hops up on the bar and asks the bartender,"Hey man, you got any grapes?"

Bartender says "No we don't have any grapes, now get outta here!"

Duck leaves, comes back the next day, hops up on the bar again and asks "Hey man, got any grapes?"

Bartender says " I told you, we don't have any grapes and if you come in here and ask again I'll nail your feet to the bar!"

Duck leaves, comes back the next day, hops up on the bar and asks, "hey man, got any nails?"

Bartender says "No! We don't have any nails!"

Duck says "got any grapes?"

[Caulfield]

Re: Joke Thread

Yo Mama so dumb she dont see the irony in calling you a son of a *****

[BurghFan]

Re: Joke Thread

What do you call 2 waterfowl that can't swim?


A para-ducks

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

[l3ulvl]

Re: Joke Thread

[Ghost Of The Year]

Re: Joke Thread

Dad joke ahead. Its at least three or four years old but its my first hearing it.

I was going to try cooking alligator this weekend but all I had was a crockpot.

[Ghost Of The Year]

Re: Joke Thread

And not a Dad Joke:

Why does the Easter bunny hide his eggs?

Spoiler

He doesn't want anyone to know he's a chicken ****er.

[Blzer]

I told a joke on a Zoom meeting, and nobody laughed.

Turns out I'm not even remotely funny.