Married guys, a few questions

[Brandwin]

I'm not going to ask my girlfriend to marry me sometime soon but I was thinking, when it comes down to the time to ask her, I am lost in what to do.

How did you go about choosing the endgagement ring? Did you let her pick it out? Did you surprise her?


I really wouldn't want her to pick out the ring, I want it to be a surprise, but I have no idea how to pick out rings.

How much did you pay? I was doing a little reserch and it seems like diamonds are pretty damn expensive... lol


Just curious and I know the guys at OS will have some advice.


Thanks in advance.

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

I picked out the ring on my own and surprised her. The amount is what you feel you can afford, if you can only afford 2K, then only spend 2K. The rule of thumb is 2 months of paychecks I believe, which is about what I spent on my wife's.

I proposed on a whim, she accepted, and was totally surprised. I did call her Dad the day before and told him it would be the weekend...lol, called him the next day and said I got ancy, he just laughed.

[fishepa]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

We went and looked at rings a couple times and I just sat back and paid attention to what she liked. Then I went and bought it for her on my own.

As Scott said, about two months salary is right for the payment. I would not advise going into debt to purchase a ring, save up and then buy it.

[joshuar9476]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

i picked out the ring myself as well. most people at any jewelry store will help be more than helpful. if you're still unsure, and you get along with them, invite her mom to help pick it out (if she can keep a secret that is). i used to play guitar and she would listen at my house, and one day i sang and played wrapped around by brad paisley. after the song was over i then proposed. my wife's around on the forums somewhere, i'm sure she'll chime in.

ps> do like i did and find a place that has good interest or even one year same as cash. i found a place with the latter, spend a little extra, and paid it off in the alloted time.

[jdros13]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

my wife and I had been dating since high school, so it was inevitable we were getting married (dated for 8 yrs before we were engaged). We went shopping together to look at rings, and she basically picked hers out because I just watched her reaction as she looked at the rings. I went seperately to buy the ring though and actually pick the size, etc.

However you propose, I do recommend asking for her parent's permission first. I obviously knew her parents well since we had been dating for so long, but I still went out of my way to "do the right thing" and they were very happy I did. Married 5+ years now with 2 kids....haven't traded her in for a new model yet either

Good luck!

[callmetaternuts]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

Like most of what everyone else said, there seem to be a few points we all agree on. I dont recommend having her pick out the exact ring, but to go to several places, or go to one place a few times and get an idea on style of ring, cut of diamond, quality of dimaond etc. I also did some internet research, just so i knew what each style meant, what each grade meant and all the lingo these fancy people use.

As far as price goes, that is a totally personal thing. There are varying rules of thumb i.e. the 2-3 months of salary. Ive heard some people (mainly females) argue that it should be more, afterall, if youre willing to spend 10k+ on a car (depreciating asset) why nto spend that much on what should be a family heirloom? Take it for what its worth.

How you ask her is up to you. What does she like, does she have a favorite place? Does she want it to be a private thing? Public place? Is she against it being on a holiday? My soon to be wife doesnt like huge displays where perfect strangers get to watch, so i found a secluded place at her favorite spot and caught her off guard.

I asked her parents (old fashioned, but earned major brownie points with her and the whole family). I tricked her into not thinking it was coming bc once you start lookin for rings, they get suspicious, so up to the day i asked her, even a few hours before, i played dumb and said stuff like maybe tomorrow we can go look again, or what does a princess cut diamond mean? Stupid, but it worked.

Most important, but some time and effort into it, its a day you will remember, but more importantly, its a story she will remember and tell all her friends FOREVER. Ive heard the horror stories, the way some guys ask (i.e. and yes this is a real quote "Well, i guess i have to get married some day, might as well be to you" and no it wasnt me that said that).

Good luck!

[TJdaSportsGuy]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

You're getting great advice here, Brandon. I agree on almost all the points people have made.

With my wife, SHE wanted to pick out the ring. I knew that from the numerous conversations we had about it. So like the other guys, we'd go ring shopping, I'd watch her reaction to different rings, and pretty much knew the one she wanted. But then I got lucky.

Her and her friend Erin were at the mall one day and they stopped off at a jewelery store. My wife found THE ring and apparently made a big deal about it. Without her knowing, Erin called me and told me which one it was and where to find it. I went and bought it later that day.

I did the traditional thing...I called her folks and asked permission. They were quite pleased that I did that.

As for when I popped the question, I always thought it would be extremely cruel and unexpected to wait until the day AFTER Valentine's Day to propose. I KNEW she was expecting it at some point during our Valentine's Day dinner. Nope. I waited til she got home from work the next day. I'm such an a-hole! :wink:

[nyisles16]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

very shortly, I will be taking that trek to the "family"....

[boomhauertjs]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

My wife had mentioned to me the style of ring she wanted (no solitaire diamond) and I had it custom made at a jeweler that a friend of my mom knew. Since I was in school at the time, I didn't have a "paycheck guideline", but I think what I spent was appropriate.

I took her to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to see a John Lennon exhibit (the Beatles are her favorite group), then we went to a nice restaurant that my best friend recommended. After dinner, I got on my knee and proposed. I was more nervous about the ring falling out of my pocket at the Rock Hall than I was about the actual proposal.

She told me beforehand that she didn't want me to ask her dad for his permission (not feminist-friendly), so you may to check with your girlfriend about things like that. I don't think her parents were offended at all, knowing their daughter.

An important piece of advice I received was that it is better to shop at a "mom and pop" jeweler instead of a "mall" chain store. They're less likely to screw you at a mom and pop place. Good luck!

[MassNole]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

I came close to proposing to my college girlfriend but never pulled the trigger. But with her she told me ahead of time if I were to propose that she would have wanted me to have her friend help pick the ring out before hand.

As for my wife, I proposed and we then picked out the ring together. I was lucky in that a family friend is a jeweler who made our rings for us at a heavy discount.

As for asking I was cheesy and asked her at midnight on New Year's.

[Brandwin]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

You're getting great advice here, Brandon. I agree on almost all the points people have made.

I read that twice and was like who is Brandon? So used to being called "DookieMowf" on here ..lol

As for my wife, I proposed and we then picked out the ring together. I was lucky in that a family friend is a jeweler who made our rings for us at a heavy discount.

So you asked without the ring and then picked it out? Didn't think about that.


Thanks for the advice fellas. Keep it coming if anyone wants to share.

[SPTO]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

Hey Dook no advice from me unfortunately Although I'd say don't be too elaborate. Sometimes asking for a woman's hand in marriage in a casual setting can be just as emotional.

I did want to say that if/when you do tie the knot I wish you the best of luck. You and your daughter are such good people and deserve happiness in life.

[stiffarmleft]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

I suprised my wife by getting her pregnant.

[mgoblue]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

Please, please, please don't do it on the court during halftime of a basketball game...

[MassNole]

Re: Married guys, a few questions

Please, please, please don't do it on the court during halftime of a basketball game...

No, asking via the scoreboard at a baseball game is definitely the way to go.

Sorry, couldn't resist. That being said, if she is a hardcore sports fan, maybe this is the way to go.