My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

[chadskee]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Usually when I'm attracted to someone's personality and absolutely unattracted to their looks.

Well, that means they are a dude. Not sayin', just sayin.

[mgoblue]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

You can still love someone and not be attracted to them, but that's far from ideal...It's fine to gain some weight as you get older, but I'd have a problem if my future wife put on 50+ lbs (and I'd expect her to have a problem with me if I did the same). Looks aren't everything, but you have to take care of yourself.

I personally disagree with the "personality trumps all" mindset. Yes, personality counts more than looks, in my book, but I've tried dating a pretty huge fat chick that was really cool and it just didn't work. IMO you have to be attracted to someone to some extent.

Personally I'd wonder what may have caused this...just not eating right, or maybe there are other issues deeper down. I wouldn't break up with someone (or divorce) because of this, but I'd try and figure out what had happened and why.

[rubisco43]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Get gym memberships and workout together. Cook healthy stuff for her.

Don't know what to tell you aside from that.

+1. If you love her, you love the entire package. Work out with her. Eat healthy. Don't go to bars and drink beer(s). Your relationship will grow stronger because of it.

[mkharsh33]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

xplosive - you do realize that she will also one day get old, acquire wrinkles, get stretch marks from children (that you put there), and gray hair, right?

i think the funny part would be for you to attach a picture of yourself here and let us be the judge of you...

[Whitesox]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

she deserves better...

Sorry to say this, but I agree. (In the nicest way possible)

You have to look past this, no reason to dump a girl just because she gained some pounds, especially one that you have been dating for all of this time.

Also, if you do break it off because if this, do not tell her that. That will do nothing, except hurt her so much.

Now if there are some other reasonings besides she's gotten fat (healt issues, etc.), then thats different.

EDIT: After re-reading the OP, I can't see any other way to interpret it than: she's not "fine", so I am gonna dump this girl I "love".

And: I can't marry someone not "fine".

Look, if you love her, there is no reason to dump her. If you don't, there is no reason to keep her. That is the answer to all relationship drama.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

"For better or worse, sickness & in health...."

That's not just a motto. That's a vow. If you're not ready to make do on your vow, oath, promise, commitment, etc, then you're not ready to get married like you think you are.

[LingeringRegime]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

xplosive - you do realize that she will also one day get old, acquire wrinkles, get stretch marks from children (that you put there), and gray hair, right?

Exactly.

News Flash: Young and beautiful people will all be ugly one day, if they are lucky enough to live a long life! Have a nice day.

[ScoobySnax]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Well if she's become lazy and such that's a different story but don't just dump her right off the hop. I'd suggest trying to get her to work out and be active and if that doesn't work then yeah, maybe it's justified to walk away.

People sometimes gain weight even when they're healthy, metabolism can change and other factors like that. I think what put me off with the OP is that it just sounded a bit harsh.

I did sound a bit harsh. I didnt mean it like that. We took a class at my church (couples seriously interested) not too long ago and one of my top priorities was physical attractiveness. That is one of my expectations. She meets and exceeds in every other area, but the weight gain is tearing me up. I do love her very much. I just want to be happy in the end.

[ScoobySnax]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Check this out bro. Sit her down and explain to her how you feel, and also explain to her that her being overweight is not in the best interest of her own health. Then tell her that you will workout with her, and it's something you can do together. Let her know that you love her. Don't demand anything of her. I think once you do this, she will work with you on this without being offended. But if she doesn't, then you have a decision to make. But before you make that decision think about this. From what you say, you have a great woman. I hate to say this, but it's HARD these days to find a good woman. If you got somebody like that that has your back, do you really want to get rid of her over something superficial? Just because a woman may look better doesn't mean that's she's gonna be better for you. Peace.

Damn, this is what I needed to hear. I really appreciate it man. Thank you.

[Cebby]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Comparing declining looks in someone getting older (especially with children) and declining looks in a girl in what I'm assuming is her mid 20s is like saying "Why are you worried about a tsunami when anyone who's been in the ocean will experience an above average sized wave!!!"

If she gains forty pounds in three years in her prime, she'll likely balloon up in her thirties to one of those people you look at in disgust if she doesn't change her habits. And that's not even accounting for the health problems she'll experience later in life.

[ScoobySnax]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Personally, I wrestle with the notion that if I did leave, would I ever find someone that would love and care for me the same way? Honestly, I really dont think I would. It is hard to find a good woman. I guess I will just have to do whatever I can to help her get this weight off.

In my original post, I did seem very vain and arrogant and once again I did not mean it to be perceived that way. I was just frustrated at the time I was typing this post. When I first met her I knew that she was wife material. That is who I wanted to be with.

Once again, thanks to everyone for their suggestions/opinions. Very much appreciated.

[ScoobySnax]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

she deserves better...

maybe I dont deserve her

[buttsakk]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

My experience is that ugly people are less attractive.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Anyways, you can go 3 ways.

1) Tell her how much you love her, and reminisce about how you first fell in love with her. Jump around the bush for a while and tell her that you would like to get a gym membership with her.

2) Normally girls want to look best for their Wedding, when you pop the question, more likely than not she will start talking about wedding dress and how she need to get into better shape. This could be a motivator!!

3)**Not recommended unless you're an *********
Tell her you're not going to merry her unless she drops 45-50 pounds.

Good luck!

Edit: I'm an ***, 4) you can love her for WHO SHE IS, but that is up to you as well

[CMH]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Who in the hell tell's a girl he's going to break up with a girl because she's gotten to fat? Just make up something but don't do that to another human being you claim to care about. It'd just be wrong.

I think it's absolutely the right thing to do especially if you care for the person.

I have no problem telling my friend that she is acting like a whore if she starts dressing like one and taking provocative photos and posting them on facebook.

If my friend was gaining a bunch of weight at an alarming rate, I'd mention it to my friend.

Why does this suddenly become taboo if you are dating the person? It's stupid. If you're dating the person, you should be even more honest. Why lie to their face and make them believe that something else ended the relationship?

Maybe this is what most guys do? No wonder most girls never realize why guys think they're crazy. Maybe a guy needs to finally tell the girl that there's something mentally wrong with them.

(And this goes vice versa. I'd want a girl to break up with me and tell me why. If it was my personality, please, tell me. I want to know what I need to change for the next person in my life).

[CMH]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Comparing declining looks in someone getting older (especially with children) and declining looks in a girl in what I'm assuming is her mid 20s is like saying "Why are you worried about a tsunami when anyone who's been in the ocean will experience an above average sized wave!!!"

If she gains forty pounds in three years in her prime, she'll likely balloon up in her thirties to one of those people you look at in disgust if she doesn't change her habits. And that's not even accounting for the health problems she'll experience later in life.

Agreed.

Lets also not forget that the OP is still very young. He has a lot of growing to do as a person and probably doesn't really know what he wants in life yet (no disrespect to the OP. I'm mostly speaking for younger men and women).

Looks are an important factor at this point in someone's life. You want to know you're with someone you find attractive. And the reality is, someone should marry a person they know will still look beautiful to them later in life (really, try the grandmother test here folks. If the grandmother is still attractive in her old age, then your girl should also follow. And you need to be honest with yourself because everyone knows that people get old and things change, especially looks).

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why do you think that? People get married too quickly and settle without making sure they are actually in love (and what a crap word to begin with. Love? Whatever. It's bs, but that's another thread). This love thing pertains to both the looks and personality. If he is already having second thoughts about her, why should he continue the relationship? Is he supposed to feel better as a person because he took one for the team and avoided feeling vain because he stuck it out?

Congrats.