My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

[Cebby]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Truth is a given and isn't predicated on whether you've experienced it or not.

So if you fell in love with the most wonderful girl and she told you she's a guy, you'd still be in love with her?

[SPTO]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Well if she's become lazy and such that's a different story but don't just dump her right off the hop. I'd suggest trying to get her to work out and be active and if that doesn't work then yeah, maybe it's justified to walk away.

People sometimes gain weight even when they're healthy, metabolism can change and other factors like that. I think what put me off with the OP is that it just sounded a bit harsh.

[Speedy]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

So if you fell in love with the most wonderful girl and she told you she's a guy, you'd still be in love with her?

This is your experience that my supposed truth isn't valid?

[Blzer]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

If you truly love the lady then looks wouldn't matter that much b/c love trumps all...evidentially you're using the word hap-hazardly.

No one said one's affection for another can't include their beauty as a factor. If she is less attractive than before, I am most certainly allowed to be less attracted to that person. But beauty isn't everything, and it definitely is in the eye of the beholder.

However, weight gain means more than being less attractive. Maybe it means she's careless about her looks now which may throw off more things in her appearance. Maybe it means she's becoming lethargic, which is definitely not something you would want with a committed partner in the long haul. You know? It implies several factors, and it's best that you find out whether she's willing to shape up (no pun intended).

[Cebby]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

This is your experience that my supposed truth isn't valid?

My experience is that ugly people are less attractive.

If you truly think that looks don't matter as long as there's love, why should any part of the body matter?

[Speedy]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

My experience is that ugly people are less attractive.

If you truly think that looks don't matter as long as there's love, why should any part of the body matter?

No where did I say looks don't matter so kudos to actually reading the post in full.

If one is basing "love" primarily on attractiveness then odds are the marriage, if the relationship goes that far, won't last long.

[Fluffhead]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Well here's hoping that whoever you do marry doesn't put on pounds as you'll be divorced in no time. Gotta be straight with your lady though and let her know your thoughts. Communication is always key.

[Blzer]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

No where did I say looks don't matter so kudos to actually reading the post in full.

If one is basing "love" primarily on attractiveness then odds are the marriage, if the relationship goes that far, won't last long.

Well, let's put it this way: what gets a guy to normally start talking to a girl? I don't care if they're twelve years old or forty... the girl normally has to strike the guy's fancy in some way. Unless you have learned the person inside and out before ever conversing with her, you're not going to break the ice because you were interested in their personality.

For instance, I'm seeing someone right now, and it began simply by looking into her eyes. We met, were both going to the same school event and walked together. I got to know her, I liked what I saw inside, and we're hitting it off. But if I started with those gorgeous eyes and found out she was a complete bitch (or if she was in a relationship) then I wouldn't be as attracted to her.

I obviously don't need to say this, everyone knows this by now. But what I'm saying is I don't just try this with anybody. Some people are special to me in some ways, and others in other ways. Obviously you could know somebody for a long time and then realize that she is the one, physically attractive or not... but I'm talking strictly on the grounds of what guys tend to do when they first want to get to know somebody on the grounds of forming an intimate relationship.

Because of this, if that initial fancy wears thin, I can see why one may lose a sense of affection for the girl. Obviously there is more to love, but it's a package thing for me which requires all wheels to be turning at the same time.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

If you love her and the communication is good then you should in as humble of a way as possible, talk to her about it. She definitely knows but probably has no idea how much it's bothering you.

If you truly love her, then you'll have to decide what's important to you. Of all the things to leave somebody over, gotta say this is pretty low on the totem pole. The obvious reason being that it is fixable. Tough call, been exactly in your shoes. My girl gained about the same amount of weight after having gall bladder surgery 4 years ago. In the end, I decided she means more to me than a few pounds.

If this is something that might have you "looking elsewhere" then it's best to be honest and upfront vs. doing something behind her back.

[drae2]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Disclaimer: my thoughts are scattered. Bear with me lol.

Ok, I have been dating this woman for about 3 years. We met in college and everything was cool. She was fine, about 145 lbs, 5'10". She's a good woman, takes care of me and everything. She's definitely the type of girl to take home to moms. My family likes her so that's a bonus.

Fast forward to now, I'm 26, got a good career and I think I'm ready for marriage. The problem is my fine woman from 3 years ago gains like 40 pounds!! I played basketball in college so I believe I am in pretty good shape. So I'm pissed over this because I love her, but the weight gain is damn near disgusting. I cannot stand a fat woman. I want her to lose all the weight because I refuse to marry someone who does "do it" for me. I have to see the weight loss before I go in for the long haul. Fellas, I need your opinions.

Thanks,

A confused dude

Check this out bro. Sit her down and explain to her how you feel, and also explain to her that her being overweight is not in the best interest of her own health. Then tell her that you will workout with her, and it's something you can do together. Let her know that you love her. Don't demand anything of her. I think once you do this, she will work with you on this without being offended. But if she doesn't, then you have a decision to make. But before you make that decision think about this. From what you say, you have a great woman. I hate to say this, but it's HARD these days to find a good woman. If you got somebody like that that has your back, do you really want to get rid of her over something superficial? Just because a woman may look better doesn't mean that's she's gonna be better for you. Peace.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Check this out bro. Sit her down and explain to her how you feel, and also explain to her that her being overweight is not in the best interest of her own health. Then tell her that you will workout with her, and it's something you can do together. Let her know that you love her. Don't demand anything of her. I think once you do this, she will work with you on this without being offended. But if she doesn't, then you have a decision to make. But before you make that decision think about this. From what you say, you have a great woman. I hate to say this, but it's HARD these days to find a good woman. If you got somebody like that that has your back, do you really want to get rid of her over something superficial? Just because a woman may look better doesn't mean that's she's gonna be better for you. Peace.

Double co-sign. They say the grass is always greener on the other side.

[Blzer]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Check this out bro. Sit her down and explain to her how you feel, and also explain to her that her being overweight is not in the best interest of her own health. Then tell her that you will workout with her, and it's something you can do together. Let her know that you love her. Don't demand anything of her. I think once you do this, she will work with you on this without being offended. But if she doesn't, then you have a decision to make. But before you make that decision think about this. From what you say, you have a great woman. I hate to say this, but it's HARD these days to find a good woman. If you got somebody like that that has your back, do you really want to get rid of her over something superficial? Just because a woman may look better doesn't mean that's she's gonna be better for you. Peace.

Well, she certainly doesn't have his belly.

In all seriousness, you're right. While the OP is stuck at this crossroad, there is a train of time oncoming. The longer you're stuck in this limbo, the longer it will take you to decide where you're going to go with this. You're either with her or you're not. Until then, you're with her.

You have to talk to her or break it off yourself if where you are isn't sufficient for the relationship to work. I don't know how you have to word it to get to a conclusion that hopefully works in your favor, but it won't help sitting on the issue, especially if it doesn't work and it takes that much longer to find someone again.

You and I may be young, but you and I are also getting older every day and it just becomes harder.

[Speedy]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Well, let's put it this way: what gets a guy to normally start talking to a girl? I don't care if they're twelve years old or forty... the girl normally has to strike the guy's fancy in some way. Unless you have learned the person inside and out before ever conversing with her, you're not going to break the ice because you were interested in their personality.

For instance, I'm seeing someone right now, and it began simply by looking into her eyes. We met, were both going to the same school event and walked together. I got to know her, I liked what I saw inside, and we're hitting it off. But if I started with those gorgeous eyes and found out she was a complete [idiot] (or if she was in a relationship) then I wouldn't be as attracted to her.

I obviously don't need to say this, everyone knows this by now. But what I'm saying is I don't just try this with anybody. Some people are special to me in some ways, and others in other ways. Obviously you could know somebody for a long time and then realize that she is the one, physically attractive or not... but I'm talking strictly on the grounds of what guys tend to do when they first want to get to know somebody on the grounds of forming an intimate relationship.

Because of this, if that initial fancy wears thin, I can see why one may lose a sense of affection for the girl. Obviously there is more to love, but it's a package thing for me which requires all wheels to be turning at the same time.

Very well said, Blzr.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Another way of looking at this, is it worth throwing away 3 years (and the future) for something that can be fixed in 5-6 months?

[deaduck]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Okay, I'll buy based on the arguments posted that despite how the OP's post came across that MAYBE it's him more concerned about her health and/or factors that signal a shift in the nature of the relationship....

BUT....

...If he tells her she's gotten fat and in the course of this ends up ending the relationship, he's done nothing but back the tone of his original post.

Who in the hell tell's a girl he's going to break up with a girl because she's gotten to fat? Just make up something but don't do that to another human being you claim to care about. It'd just be wrong.