My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

[Cebby]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Is he supposed to feel better as a person because he took one for the team and avoided feeling vain because he stuck it out?

That's what I don't get.

I'm not planning on getting married because my personality is most comparable to that of a highly poisonous reptile, but if I did find a girl, I wouldn't stay with her if her body disgusted me, much like I don't expect a girl to enjoy my charming arrogance/hostility for more than a half hour twice a week.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Agreed.

Lets also not forget that the OP is still very young. He has a lot of growing to do as a person and probably doesn't really know what he wants in life yet (no disrespect to the OP. I'm mostly speaking for younger men and women).

Looks are an important factor at this point in someone's life. You want to know you're with someone you find attractive. And the reality is, someone should marry a person they know will still look beautiful to them later in life (really, try the grandmother test here folks. If the grandmother is still attractive in her old age, then your girl should also follow. And you need to be honest with yourself because everyone knows that people get old and things change, especially looks).

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why do you think that? People get married too quickly and settle without making sure they are actually in love (and what a crap word to begin with. Love? Whatever. It's bs, but that's another thread). This love thing pertains to both the looks and personality. If he is already having second thoughts about her, why should he continue the relationship? Is he supposed to feel better as a person because he took one for the team and avoided feeling vain because he stuck it out?

Congrats.

I'd probably be willing to bet that looks/weight gain isn't the main reason for divorce. Money issues and cheating would be the main 2.


In the end it comes down to the worst case scenario. What if she NEVER loses a single pound. Is that enough of a reason for him to walk away? From what he says, she's great in every other aspect.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Personally, I wrestle with the notion that if I did leave, would I ever find someone that would love and care for me the same way? Honestly, I really dont think I would. It is hard to find a good woman.

Fear should never be part of the reason you stay with someone. Particularly, fear of not finding someone who loves you. This is born out of insecurity, and in all facets, insecurity is the enemy. You're really in love if you'd stay with your girl even if you have a perfect 10 on speed dial, and that 10 is waiting for you to break up with your girl.

And that's the mentality you should be in when you are considering ending a relationship. "Suppose being in this relationship is preventing me from being in a better one?" If the answer is "that doesn't matter, I'm happy now." Then you stay. If it's "well if it was (insert hottest smartest nicest girl you know), then I'd be out." Then it's time to leave.

Don't settle. It's for chumps.

I'd probably be willing to bet that looks/weight gain isn't the main reason for divorce. Money issues and cheating would be the main 2.


In the end it comes down to the worst case scenario. What if she NEVER loses a single pound. Is that enough of a reason for him to walk away? From what he says, she's great in every other aspect.

That's not the issue. A relationship is about compromise and sacrifice. If he's willing to work with her and be in her corner for her to do something that ultimately improves her life, this means several things:

-she thinks hear eating habits and lack of exercise are more important than having a spouse that feels attracted to her

-she's likes chocolate more than self improvement

-she won't make the sacrifice to make him happy

Those things bleed over into more than just her dress size. Down the road it would lead to misery and resentment.

[mgoblue]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Just wondering, would some of you guys not do a thing and just ignore it if your wife gained 200 lbs?

IMO it's something that would have to be addressed...just interesting how a lot of you dismiss someone letting herself go like that. Yeah, you don't divorce someone, but I honestly hope my future wife would give me hell if I put on 50 or 100 lbs...

I agree that love is greater than physical appearance, but if you really love her shouldn't you help her rather than ignore the problem?

[Cusefan]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

There may be an underlying reason why your GF has gained weight. If you say you are worried about her because she has gained weight, the conversation will probably go alot better...

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Disclaimer: my thoughts are scattered. Bear with me lol.

Ok, I have been dating this woman for about 3 years. We met in college and everything was cool. She was fine, about 145 lbs, 5'10". She's a good woman, takes care of me and everything. She's definitely the type of girl to take home to moms. My family likes her so that's a bonus.

Fast forward to now, I'm 26, got a good career and I think I'm ready for marriage. The problem is my fine woman from 3 years ago gains like 40 pounds!! I played basketball in college so I believe I am in pretty good shape. So I'm pissed over this because I love her, but the weight gain is damn near disgusting. I cannot stand a fat woman. I want her to lose all the weight because I refuse to marry someone who does "do it" for me. I have to see the weight loss before I go in for the long haul. Fellas, I need your opinions.

Thanks,

A confused dude

Here's the part a lot of you guys keep missing. Its not the fact that she's fat. Its the fact her weight affects his opinion of her. His feelings for her. If the pounds has that much affect on him, then he's obviously not ready for marriage. What if he's paralyzed? What if she develops depression? What if one of them gets a serious illness? Marriage is a partnership that is supposed to stay strong through thin and thick.

That's the issue w/xxplosive, though he doesn't realise it. If she loses the weight, then she gains it back, what's he going to do then? There are no guarantees what the future is going to bring. When he takes that vow, he's saying no matter what happens, he's going to stick w/her. That his love won't change, though conditions will. By his post, he's saying that's not happening.

xxplosive, you can get her to work on her weight for her sake. But you need to work on yourself before you give her that ring. Cause no matter what you are telling yourself, you are not ready to get married.

[Aggies7]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

If its that big of a deal to you...Try to workout together.

But seriously dude 3 years is a long time to throw away for weight gain issues.

[deaduck]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Just wondering, would some of you guys not do a thing and just ignore it if your wife gained 200 lbs?

IMO it's something that would have to be addressed...just interesting how a lot of you dismiss someone letting herself go like that. Yeah, you don't divorce someone, but I honestly hope my future wife would give me hell if I put on 50 or 100 lbs...

I agree that love is greater than physical appearance, but if you really love her shouldn't you help her rather than ignore the problem?

The OP didn't (and still hasn't) make this about worrying about the girls weight gain from a health aspect...he find's her fat VISUALLY disgusting. So when considering how anyone else would handle it assumes we'd all have the same problem.

[J.R. Locke]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Fat people tend to become very insecure.

I understand your concern. The best thing to do is approach her about it. Try to change the lifestyle a little. But it is something that will take a lot of time.

I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think. If you know what you want say it, live it. Physical attractiveness is a major part of a relationship.

[TheLetterZ]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I agree with YankeePride and others who suggest openly talking with her about the situation, and I don't think it's wrong at all to lose attraction for someone who gains a ton of weight.

In fact, I find it hilarious that some of the posters in this thread railing at the original poster for being vain are the same people who used to have gorgeous women in their avatars or say that women like Megan Fox aren't "that hot."

[MC Fatigue]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

she deserves better...

This. Leave her, so she doesn't have to be around someone who make a post like this about her.

[TheLetterZ]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

This. Leave her, so she doesn't have to be around someone who make a post like this about her.

Because obviously trying to figure out how to solve a problem is way worse than keeping it to yourself and growing resentful of your partner who doesn't care about meeting your needs.

[CMH]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I'm not planning on getting married because my personality is most comparable to that of a highly poisonous reptile...

I agree.

Nah, seriously, I think the same of myself in many ways. If there's a girl in the world that can deal with my a**hole like nature then that's a special person. I know I couldn't deal with myself and perhaps that's why I butt heads with people like myself.

Then again, you and me will disagree on many issues and end up agreeing on the next. It just depends on the topic.

[CMH]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

xxplosive, you can get her to work on her weight for her sake. But you need to work on yourself before you give her that ring. Cause no matter what you are telling yourself, you are not ready to get married.

I get the feeling that he knows this and that's why he posted this. He says he's at a crossroads. He loves this girl but something about her has changed that he does not love. That's a good thing to be confused about, it makes sense. It's good that he's at least thinking about this before tying the knot and regretting it later.

But you're right, he needs to work on himself (and that's not a negative thing). I think at some point in someone's life they forget about looks first and foremost - it's still important, but they understand the effects of old age and they are perfectly happy with growing old and maybe fat with someone.

That being said, I know that if my wife were gaining a lot of weight, I'd want her to lose it. I would think the same vice versa. I would be angry with myself if I let myself go and did nothing about it.

[JBH3]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

she deserves better...

Yea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First...given your post...and your let's say "maturity" level, you're not ready for marriage.

If she's so great you should be able to see past these SUPERFICIAL things.

Don't ever have kids man...if you haven't already...because your woman is going to put on pounds (again), and a superficial dude like you will likely cheat on her because she doesn't "do it" for you anymore. Or otherwise ruin the relationship over her weight gain.

Just because you've got a good career and have been w/ a woman for more than a year doesn't constitute being ready for marriage. Your post actually contradicts that notion entirely.

I ain't perfect by any means, and had some real struggles my first two years of marriage (been married almost 4 now). So having gone through that, and gathering what I can from your initial post I'm not just some jackass w/ a holier than thou opinion.