Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

[Bornindamecca]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

What do you 'anti-kids' guys say to the opinion (my mum actually said this to me when i said i wasn't in any hurry to have children after i got married at 25) that people who never have children are inherently selfish ie they want everything their way, want everything to be exactly like they want it, don't what to share etc?

What is there to say about that? That's a knee jerk reaction to someone's life decision, but it's so general as to immediately become invalid. You share your life based on your day to day actions and decisions, not whether or not you have your own children. There are many childless people out there that share their lives in various valuable ways, dedicating their time to make the world a better place to live in. That "opinion" isn't an opinion at all, as it's not rooted in the facts and circumstances of someone's life.

[Jonesy]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

What is there to say about that? That's a knee jerk reaction to someone's life decision, but it's so general as to immediately become invalid. You share your life based on your day to day actions and decisions, not whether or not you have your own children. There are many childless people out there that share their lives in various valuable ways, dedicating their time to make the world a better place to live in. That "opinion" isn't an opinion at all, as it's not rooted in the facts and circumstances of someone's life.

Yeah it is a massive generalization. I think guys have got it much easier in this area. We can be 50 and still go have a child if we really want later in life whereas women only have that much shorter window. I think it must be a HUGE decision for woman to never have a child.

Regardless of what alot of you say at this stage i still think many of you would regret it if you got to the end of your life and you don't have children. Sure you'll probably have more money and have had more time to do things you enjoy (and a hell of lot more sleep ) but having a child is truly a special thing. Each to their own though....

[elgreazy1]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

Bless all you good parents out there. I get it. They change you and all that. Hey, the human race has to reproduce to continue, so good job on you.

But anyone else over the age of 25 ever wake up and just think "DAMN I'm glad I don't have kids!" I know it sounds foul or strange, though I think it's a natural adaptive instinct in an overpopulated world. I'm not knocking parenthood at all. In fact, my little brother is 10 years younger than me, so when I was a teenager I got a taste of what it would have been like to have to take care of a baby, and as a young man I got more than a taste of what it was like to have to be a mentor.

And I love doing those things for my brother. Warms my heart. At the same time: DAMN I'm glad I don't have kids!

Are there other people that feel like this, or would I be the only one at the *"Not a Father's Day" party?

Please don't answer if you're under 24 years old, as it's anthropologically natural for your paternal instincts to lean away from a family at this point.








*How I Met Your Mother--brilliant

The older I get, the more it seems I'm content without having kids. It's really hard because my fiance and I (28 & 29) have been struggling with what we want to do with ourselves in this regard.

On one hand, society itself scares the hell out of us. People have lost it and the way the world has been shaping it makes us fear wanting to bring a child into this world with so much corruption, greed, hatred, etc. On top of that, having a child will put a lot of our dreams on the back-burner - traveling, retiring early, much less financial strain, being free, enjoying each other, etc - but we understand that this is an obvious affect from having children.I dunno, some days, yes, I'm very happy to not have any because right now I'm on my second lease at life with being back in school, re-discovering myself & growing as a person and an artist, not having to stress too much about finances, and being free to do with my fiance whatever it is we desire at this point. She also has the desire to either go back for her Masters or a second bachelor's so a child would definitely nix that. And having only been with my fiance for 3 years at this point makes me feel that if we were to have children we'd miss on more quality time we should have had together. Plus, I don't want to work forever, I want to retire and relax at a sensible age, and having a child doesn't allow for that.

Other days, I look at her and think about how great of a mother she would be because she is such a beautiful, smart, patient, sweet and outgoing woman that I know our kids would come out right. I also know I'd be a great father having partially raised my niece & nephew all the while working with children in the past. I do know our kids would have good genes (smarts, looks, semi-athletic, lack of family-bred health issues, etc), they'd grow up with good morals, and a great family support system. We are both still children at heart so that sense of wonder and being of free spirit makes me feel that we'd continue that even with our child. As it is now we basically plan field trips together, so what different would it be with a child who'd grow and learn while with us? We're basically home-bodies so how would that be any different?

I dunno. It's stressful both ways, honestly, and as each day passes we get closer to the days where we shouldn't have kids, but at the same time, we feel as maybe we'd be robbing ourselves from not having at least one. But as of today, I'm glad we don't merely because we can live in the now a little more instead of having to constantly worry about the future.

Regardless of what alot of you say at this stage i still think many of you would regret it if you got to the end of your life and you don't have children. Sure you'll probably have more money and have had more time to do things you enjoy (and a hell of lot more sleep ) but having a child is truly a special thing. Each to their own though....

I completely agree with this in terms of myself. I feel I have far too much to offer in terms of being a father to simply just let it go to waste.

[19]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

What do you 'anti-kids' guys say to the opinion (my mum actually said this to me when i said i wasn't in any hurry to have children after i got married at 25) that people who never have children are inherently selfish ie they want everything their way, want everything to be exactly like they want it, don't what to share etc?

This describes me perfectly. Is it necessarily a bad thing? Who knows, everyone has a different outlook on things I suppose. Perhaps it's because I was an only child and I currently live by myself so I'm used to having complete control over anything and everything in my life.

Regardless, I'm content with my life as is and that's all that really matters to me.

[deaduck]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I'm 42 and don't have any kids.

I had always saw myself having them one day...I love children with their imaginations and outlooks but it so happens the woman I feel in love with and married isn't able to have children and doesn't have a maternal instinct in her body.

On a day to day basis, it doesn't bother me. Sometimes when I'm playing with some of my friends kids or being goofy with kids at the shows...I wonder "what if" but there's nothing deeper than that.

[Jonesy]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I dunno. It's stressful both ways, honestly, and as each day passes we get closer to the days where we shouldn't have kids, but at the same time, we feel as maybe we'd be robbing ourselves from not having at least one. But as of today, I'm glad we don't merely because we can live in the now a little more instead of having to constantly worry about the future.



I completely agree with this in terms of myself. I feel I have far too much to offer in terms of being a father to simply just let it go to waste.

Great post Elgreazy. Pretty much summed up my wife and my situation a few years ago. Obviously we decided to have children (my wife comes from a big family and my family is very close so we always pretty much knew we would become parents at some stage). Good luck with whatever you decide, it is pretty much the most important decision you can make because it literally effects every aspect of your life if you do decide to have children.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

This describes me perfectly. Is it necessarily a bad thing? Who knows, everyone has a different outlook on things I suppose. Perhaps it's because I was an only child and I currently live by myself so I'm used to having complete control over anything and everything in my life.

Regardless, I'm content with my life as is and that's all that really matters to me.

That's a loaded statement. Life's circumstances have a funny way of working out.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I am incapable of procreation so therefore I can continue to sleep well at night and wake up in the morning smiling about my hatred towards all of the little germ incubators worldwide.

Is that okay?

Sure. I'm also incapable of procreation. But, I had 4 boys before I got "broken." I can hear them in their room playing as I type this. The error sometimes parents make in talking about their kids is talking about how difficult it is. That's all I hear from many parents. From when we had our first boy. "Wait until he wakes up in the middle of the night and you have to feed him." Now it's, "Just wait until he's a teenager." It's almost as if they anticipate the misery.

This is really taking the ball and running with it. Obviously the reality and responsibility of your own offspring are different than the idea of them. The thing people overlook is that a lot of guys who really don't want kids know they'd be willing to put the time in to be good parents if they had to, but don't want to have to do that.

I deal with parents a lot. Many men and women do not want kids, like in your case, and they are miserable because they ended up having kids. They snap at their children and take out a lot of displaced anger on them. If you go into parenting by mistake, with the idea in your mind that kids are a hassle and inconvenience, you will neglect their wellbeing. I'm not saying men can't step up to the plate, but if a man can't come to terms with his dislike of kids, he will have a tough time parenting them.

[jeremym480]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I was also a "Mistake", about 2 years earlier than what they would have preferred.

Pregnancy happens.

My parents have never admitted it but, I'm pretty sure I was a mistake as well. My big brother was born on January 17th and I was born on December 5th of the same year . So yeah, I'm pretty sure my parents didn't plan that.

I am incapable of procreation so therefore I can continue to sleep well at night and wake up in the morning smiling about my hatred towards all of the little germ incubators worldwide.

Is that okay?

You sir could possibly be my new role model.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I deal with parents a lot. Many men and women do not want kids, like in your case, and they are miserable because they ended up having kids. They snap at their children and take out a lot of displaced anger on them. If you go into parenting by mistake, with the idea in your mind that kids are a hassle and inconvenience, you will neglect their wellbeing. I'm not saying men can't step up to the plate, but if a man can't come to terms with his dislike of kids, he will have a tough time parenting them.

And on the flipside of the that coin, many people turn their lives around for the better after they have children. You can really love the idea of children and be changed by the reality of the workload once you have them. So it goes both ways.

It doesn't matter how you feel before you have your kids, it matters what you do after you have kids.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

And on the flipside of the that coin, many people turn their lives around for the better after they have children. You can really love the idea of children and be changed by the reality of the workload once you have them. So it goes both ways.

It doesn't matter how you feel before you have your kids, it matters what you do after you have kids.

I agree, but claiming that all men have a switch of mind simply because they have a kid is naive. Heck, I know many men that wanted kids and are neglectful. But it does matter what you do afterwards, I agree.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I agree, but claiming that all men have a switch of mind simply because they have a kid is naive. Heck, I know many men that wanted kids and are neglectful. But it does matter what you do afterwards, I agree.

I never made an all inclusive statement. In fact, I specifically said "a lot of guys." So who made this naive claim regarding "all men?"

[aukevin]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I'm 31 and my wife is 28 (8 years of marriage) and we don't have kids and don't really want any. We like things the way they are now, we have a very carefree life and live it together for ourselves. I know a kid would bring new joy and excitement, but neither of us feel we are missing anything in our lives right now. A lot of our friends have little kids now obviously but it still doesn't give us the urge, actually it reminds us why we feel lucky not to have kids. We'll see what happens over the next few years.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I'm 31 and my wife is 28 (8 years of marriage) and we don't have kids and don't really want any. We like things the way they are now, we have a very carefree life and live it together for ourselves. I know a kid would bring new joy and excitement, but neither of us feel we are missing anything in our lives right now. A lot of our friends have little kids now obviously but it still doesn't give us the urge, actually it reminds us why we feel lucky not to have kids. We'll see what happens over the next few years.

I feel you on that. Heck, before my gf got her dog we did things whenever (go out dinner, movies, day trip to the beach, etc). That's been cut down drastically because she doesn't want to leave her dog at her apt. alone. Obviously kids are different and a mutual decision but the concept is the same.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I never made an all inclusive statement. In fact, I specifically said "a lot of guys." So who made this naive claim regarding "all men?"

I did say "all men." Sorry should have said some.