Youth sports: the good, bad and ugly

[superjames1992]

I grew up in a family that never pushed sports at all (I think my dad just did track growing up). I played some soccer, basketball, and track at various times growing up, but that was it. I ended up fine and never sustained any injuries, which I am thankful for (well, until I broke my wrist mountain biking in college, ha).

I couldn't imagine participating in travel teams and such. I am pretty sure my parents wouldn't have wanted to deal with and pay for that, anyways. I have a cousin who does travel league baseball now and they take it so seriously. These are just kids and there's a very low probability that most of them will be good enough to get a scholarship or anything. I especially don't understand the parents that push their kids so hard at sports, and then care nothing about their academics. My parents were the opposite.

I don't think I would push sports on my kids (when I get them). I'd just let them play what they want to play within reason, though I am not sure I'd let them play football at this point.

[VDusen04]

Quote: Originally Posted by slickdtc

I wonder who the adult (mature one) is in these situations. I don't understand how you can push your kid like that. I know kids need guidance or a nudge, but can't they realize when they're crossing a line. People will never cease to amaze me, and not in a good way. Being a professional athlete is a very small group. There's a 99.99% chance your child won't be one. But these people act like the odds are in their favor.

In a way, I can empathize with some parents. When you have a kid who expresses a desire to be good (I was one of those kids myself), it can be a delicate balance to find out what you as a parent/family member should or should not say in terms of helping your child find their way toward success.

But yeah, "delicate balance" isn't the same as making your kid cry after every game because he'll never, ever be able to live up to your own expectations.

Speaking of which, if you guys have Netflix and you're looking for something sports-related and interesting, my entire family was unusually transfixed by an HBO documentary called "Trophy Kids". I say just watch 10 minutes or so and see if you can turn it off. It reels you right in.

Here's the trailer:



The saddest thing, while watching the doc unfold, was being able to relate to so much of the content based on my own experiences as a player, coach, fan, and proxy-parent. Most of the parents in the movie are extreme, but share a lot in common with hundreds of parents found in every school district across America.

Edit: There's also an abridged version on YouTube:

[Speedy]

@ the 4:50 mark...

Holy cow. Guy needs to chill.

I would have not continued playing youth sports if that's what I had to deal with.

[Perfect Zero]

It's sad that weve devolved to this, but it's been this way for a while. I remember playing with kids who's parents thought that they were the next Ted Williams, but they were never going to make it. The only kid that I played with who actually made it (College World Series and now in the Red Sox minor league system) came from parents that were super nice and never making fools of themselves.

I know that the little league that I played in and umpired in for a time now has off duty cops at all of their games for security. It's extremely sad that this is the answer, but that's the world we now live in.

[redsox4evur]

Quote: Originally Posted by Perfect Zero

It's sad that weve devolved to this, but it's been this way for a while. I remember playing with kids who's parents thought that they were the next Ted Williams, but they were never going to make it. The only kid that I played with who actually made it (College World Series and now in the Red Sox minor league system) came from parents that were super nice and never making fools of themselves. I know that the little league that I played in and umpired in for a time now has off duty cops at all of their games for security. It's extremely sad that this is the answer, but that's the world we now live in.

Who is the kid in Red Sox system?

[shogunofharlem3]

As a head varsity high school baseball coach I can tell you that the worst part of coaching is the ugly. I've had high school parents challenge me to fist fights, wait in cars until the team leaves so they can confront me with no one around, write letters, it is just insane. 99 percent of the time the kid is absolutely moritified and in some cases, quit.

Now in my 16 years as a head high school coach I adopted a firm and I mean, FIRM, 24 hour rule. There will be no, NO, discussions on the field, in the parking lot, etc without disciplinary action by the athletic director and myself.

What is the 24 hour rule? Basically at the parents meeting I tell them if they have an issue with something going on at a game, etc, they need to wait 24 hours before they come to speak to me about it. Cooler heads usually prevail.

That being said, if they find something abusive or bullying, etc, I tell them at that meeting to not wait and go directly to the athletic director who will then come to me and we'll set up a 3 way meeting. I want my players in a good climate.

Since the 24 hour rule has gone into effect the number of on field post game confrontations has gone down ten fold. Now, it doesn't mean the parents aren't still upset but when they approach me the next day they have have had time to cool down, maybe actually get to speak to their child about what is going on. We tend to have much more productive discussions.

Quick example, I had a father come flying into my dugout because his son, our starting shortstop / leadoff hitter, wasn't starting. Well after the father was finished mother f'n me in the dugout, in front of the whole team, his son, 16 years old started crying and screamed at him I got caught stealing from the cafeteria today and the school suspended me for the game today.

Had dad used the 24 hour rule, he would have talked to his ice cream sandwich stealing son and that whole scene, embarrassment and tirade NEVER would have happened.

I am very passionate about athletics, thus the long post. I played in high school, d2 college and been coaching since. The benefits of student-athletes participating (or young athletes) competing as a single unit working towards a common goal is something that is hard to emulate unless you are part of it. Unfortunately, there is always a few that make athetics a truly stressful and unhealthy activity.

So I guess the short of it is if you have an issue wait till the next day. Talk to your son/daughter. Your issue may not be an issue to them. Also, these kids aren't going to be professional athletes, if they are, GREAT. Here is a website I put on the projector at parent night. The percentage from high school to NCAA are staggeringly low.

Enjoy the time you have watching them play (someone in an earlier post said about 7-10 years a kid will play).

482,689 high school baseball players in United States.
6.9 % play in NCAA D1,D2 or D3.

http://www.ncaa.org/about/resources/...nd-high-school

[Speedy]

That's a great rule that definitely would mitigate a lot of ill will parents have. A friend of mine coaches in little league and also either president or VP of the league so I'm going to tell him about that.

I'm curious though...I'm certain you've had somebody break this rule. What kind of disciplinary action was taken?

Quote: Originally Posted by shogunofharlem3

Had dad used the 24 hour rule, he would have talked to his ice cream sandwich stealing son and that whole scene, embarrassment and tirade NEVER would have happened.

This made me laugh.

[shogunofharlem3]

Quote: Originally Posted by Speedy

That's a great rule that definitely would mitigate a lot of ill will parents have. A friend of mine coaches in little league and also either president or VP of the league so I'm going to tell him about that. I'm curious though...I'm certain you've had somebody break this rule. What kind of disciplinary action was taken? This made me laugh.

When it happens, and oh baby it still does, I will try to remind them of the rule. When that doesn't work I then try to say your in direct violation of the school's 24 hour rule. So anything further will be reported directly to the AD.

They never want to get the AD involved. Or very rarely anyway. I have had one issue over the years that went to the AD but as mentioned before, the parent never had a chance to talk to his son. Had he, he wouldn't have come.

But what disciplinary actions, I never punish the kid for the parent's outburst. Most of the time the kid is cowering mortified or yelling DAD (or MOM in the case with the cops I am going to tell)....STOP!!! BUt I have unfortunately had to call the police in one instance, luckily there were people around to drag this woman out of the dugout. The school banned her from attending her son's games. But the disciplinary action is more to hopefully have the parents keep the rule in mind.

This also goes for firing off nasty emails after the game. I tell the parents to use the same 24 hour rule. If they write the email right after, they are encouraged to read it 24 hours later before deciding to send. When they read them the next day they rarely send them the way they initially wrote them.

My philosophy is to never have a player get into their parent's car and not know why they didn't play. It all starts with face to face meetings with the kids after tryouts showing them their placement on the depth chart, who's in front of them and their potential chance of moving up.

Being that honest with their status is difficult but over the years the kids expect it now.

ha. That is what the kid stole, ironic, now he is a police officer. From an ice cream sandwich snatcher to an ice cream sandwich protector.