Physical Discipline........

[Scottdau]

Re: Physical Discipline........

The problem with hitting your kid is are you doing it out of anger. I know there were some times I lost my cool at my kid and I wanted to spank, but I didn't because I was mad. I think if you do hit your kid you should use a spoon and not your hand, because they will fear the spoon not your hand. It is tough, raising kids is not easy at all. I do so many wrong things, but I do a lot of right things too. It is a lot of trial by error.

[buckeyefan78]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I mean we were all kids once, so why can't we relate with our kids now.

"When you grow up, your heart dies.”

[JBH3]

Re: Physical Discipline........

The problem with hitting your kid is are you doing it out of anger. I know there were some times I lost my cool at my kid and I wanted to spank, but I didn't because I was mad. I think if you do hit your kid you should use a spoon and not your hand, because they will fear the spoon not your hand. It is tough, raising kids is not easy at all. I do so many wrong things, but I do a lot of right things too. It is a lot of trial by error.

You should never physically discipline out of anger. That is taking out frustrations and not teaching a lesson.

My son got a spanking this morning because he went outside by himself. I was taking out trash, and had told him to stay at the table and finish eating. He came outside w/o me knowing, and he got a spanking for it. Its for his own good. He'll think twice before going outside by himself because the physical discipline will reinforce that. So by teaching him a hard lesson, I am keeping him safe, because now he knows consequences of going outside by himself.

[buckeyefan78]

Re: Physical Discipline........

You should never physically discipline out of anger. That is taking out frustrations and not teaching a lesson.

My son got a spanking this morning because he went outside by himself. I was taking out trash, and had told him to stay at the table and finish eating. He came outside w/o me knowing, and he got a spanking for it. Its for his own good. He'll think twice before going outside by himself because the physical discipline will reinforce that. So by teaching him a hard lesson, I am keeping him safe, because now he knows consequences of going outside by himself.

Did you ask him why he came outside?

[slimm44]

Re: Physical Discipline........

Did you ask him why he came outside?

Does it matter? His dad told him not to. In my house, that's enough. Rule #1 - Listen to your mom and dad and do what they say. Rule #2 - See rule #1.

[55]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I routinely got the living hell beat out of me when I was a kid and I'm not talking about your garden variety spankings either. My mother is a sociopath with a bad temper and routinely physically abused me as a child. It messed me up pretty bad throughout my teenage years and even though I'm way past all that now, I'll never forget how terrible it was.

Just based on my own personal experiences, I do not believe in corporal punishment of any kind on a child. In fact, I once had to be pulled off of a guy at Target by two of my friends and two Target staff members because he struck his child in front of me. I'm a pretty big guy and this dude was about the same size as me and he straight up smacked his little girl in the face with full power. I don't care if it's my business or not, if I see that kind of garbage I'm going to retaliate 110% of the time.

[Scottdau]

Re: Physical Discipline........

Sorry to hear that Dislimb, glad you turn out alright. I have heard of other stories not so good.

[Speedy]

Re: Physical Discipline........

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

I disagree wholeheartedly with Cusefan but to each his own. I didn't get any timeouts in my childhoods, no "go in your room and think about what you've done" stuff or even the "1...2...3!!" stuff either. I simply got a look and realized whatever I just did was wrong. I wasn't abused or beaten or bruised but simply got a plain ole' whoopin' from dad/mom by either a paddle or the dreaded belt (I still cringe when I hear someone taking off a belt because of the sound between the loops).

It didn't hurt me (at least now...it did at the time!) and I'm thankful for it now that I have my children to raise. With the bolded quote, it goes along with the fact that you don't have to teach a child to do wrong as it is his/her nature...rather, you have to teach the child how to behave correctly both with discipline and fellow examples.

Regarding those that had rough upbringings and were abused I really have no answer to that. Child abuse is a real thing but I don't believe it should be confused with child discipline as there's certainly a fine line. If a father is smacking his son around where bruises appear on his arm and face (such as black eyes, etc.) compared to whoopin' the child on the butt for 5-10 min...definitely a discernable difference.

[TracerBullet]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I agree with NDAlum, Speedy, Gotmadskillz, JBH3, Slimm, DaveDQ, Russell, and Yankee Pride's last post.

[HotSauce2k3]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I was disciplined constantly as a kid and young teen. I have a military dad whose parents beat the crap out of him when he was a kid, so that was double the suck for me. He was incredibly strict and if I wasn't the slightest bit respectful or obedient (if I said "yeah" instead of "yes" that would be grounds for punishment), I would get hit. Not spanked. Hit. Either side of the belt (his weapon of choice), a bamboo broom stick, anything he could get his hands on. Then I'd have to face the wall, on my knees, for an hour or two.

I had to walk on eggshells whenever he was home, and there was a constant fear of me doing something that would unintentionally piss him off and he would go to town on me. I absolutely hated him for the way he treated me, and after the incident he would tell me "I'm doing this because I care", which just made the hate worse. I'd always promise myself that I would never treat my own children like that.

Fast forward to now, he is a much better person after becoming a "man of faith", but that did nothing for me because it was after I moved out. I turned out to be a pretty decent guy, and we have a good relationship, but I can never be as close with him as my mom would like me to be.

As for whether I'd ever treat my own kids like that, absolutely not. I do believe in physical discipline in the form of spanking, but I can't say if it's something I will or won't do until I have a kid and am faced with a situation where nothing else works.

[CMH]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I was disciplined constantly as a kid and young teen. I have a military dad whose parents beat the crap out of him when he was a kid, so that was double the suck for me. He was incredibly strict and if I wasn't the slightest bit respectful or obedient (if I said "yeah" instead of "yes" that would be grounds for punishment), I would get hit. Not spanked. Hit. Either side of the belt (his weapon of choice), a bamboo broom stick, anything he could get his hands on. Then I'd have to face the wall, on my knees, for an hour or two.

I had to walk on eggshells whenever he was home, and there was a constant fear of me doing something that would unintentionally piss him off and he would go to town on me. I absolutely hated him for the way he treated me, and after the incident he would tell me "I'm doing this because I care", which just made the hate worse. I'd always promise myself that I would never treat my own children like that.

Fast forward to now, he is a much better person after becoming a "man of faith", but that did nothing for me because it was after I moved out. I turned out to be a pretty decent guy, and we have a good relationship, but I can never be as close with him as my mom would like me to be.

As for whether I'd ever treat my own kids like that, absolutely not. I do believe in physical discipline in the form of spanking, but I can't say if it's something I will or won't do until I have a kid and am faced with a situation where nothing else works.

Your child will probably not face as harsh an upbringing because if you even take that approach, I get the feeling you'll feel guilty about it.

I don't want to preach what method is best (I think it's up to the parent, it's their choice - though, I don't agree with the way you were raised. I find that beyond necessary) but you'll find what works. I'm still on the side of the fence that agrees with a little spanking or swat (the butt or hands seem to send a direct message without being abusive like the face), but I understand if someone does not. I would prefer it doesn't even come to that for me if I ever have children.

It's weird because I brought this topic up to my sister and we remember hiding under the bed, fearing the belt or a thrown shoe from our mom, but we can't even remember why! Seriously, my sister and I were incredibly well-behaved kids. I was the kid you made fun of in school because he was just too much of a goodie goodie. And yet, my mom would just have her moments where she had enough. I can't say she was abusive because I know I never felt that way (I have no relationship with my father and he hit me only once in my life, but found ways to hit me harder with words. That's more disrespectful and abusive than my mother's method), but she did not play.

I do remember countless times crying as a young child and saying to myself: "I will never treat my own kid this way." But, I bear no scars from my childhood. My mother's involvement and trust ended up being a more powerful method as we grew older as kids.