Should your wife take your last name?

[deaduck]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

Yeah...I don't get the macho teeth nashing over this at all. And the testosterone baiting makes even less sense.

And YES I am married and the name thing was a non issue for me. I didn't and don't care.

And finally, half the things I do don't have my legal name attached to it so I can easily distance myself from a collection of letters having any real importance to who I am.

[JBH3]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

I just want to know what these guys who say that their wife has to have a good reason for not taking it, what their reason is for her to take it. I've still just seen people say that it's just because of how it's been without having a real good reason for it.

Marriage is about many sacrifices. Sacrifices between both people in the marriage.

It starts when the man proposes. That proposal says I've decided you're the only woman that has earned my unconditional love and respect, I hope I have earned the same, will you marry me. That's the symbolism at least in my eyes.

So from that point on the man must understand his place in the world because the really good women sacrifice A LOT. That means that you begin to sacrifice the life you once knew like hangin out w/ the boys till all hours, playing 360 12 hours straight, and/or doing me I'm a grown ***-man. Marriages don't work like that.

Because a good woman is going to sacrifice her body for your kids whether or not she comes out the same physically depends on her physical make-up, but moreover the amount of kids you agree on having or she is willing to give you regardless of her wishes (to make you happy), and the time she's able to dedicate back to her health given the kids and/or if she works and your lifestyle as a couple.

So as I stated. Sacrifices are the name to the game. It begins by you GIVING yourself check that...DEDICATING yourself to your significant other. Then she takes your name as sign of respect and love and commitment. You sacrifice your self, and your "manly" freedom to degrees that you might've otherwise once thought fell under being "whipped" or something to that degree.

But look...just on a simple level...

1. If she's not taking your name are you taking hers?
2. What about kids, whose last name will they take? Kids typically take the father's last name. Then if the mother has a different last name you've got to explain it to every single friend why your last names are different.
3. What about finances? Taxes? You file a joint tax return when married. Wouldn't think this simplifies things.

There's just 3 reasons/issues off the top of my head that crop up from this whole debate.

Simply playing devil's advocate because I don't think it matters either way, but are some guys that self conscious and/or lacking in self-esteem that they need the woman to take his last name to symbolize commitment? If someone just wants his wife to take his last name because his last name is that important to him, then go for it... I just don't believe taking a last name symbolizes much of anything.

My post was simply "playing Devil's advocate" w/ the many "sacrifices" us men will likely make in a devoted marriage...i.e. less time w/ the fellas, honey-do lists, cuddling time, talking about "feelings"...all of the rather (At times) painstaking processes we go through to please our significant other.

We aren't really built, at least I'm not, to cuddle under the blankets and have pillow-talk. However, we only do it because it's something SHE wants from us. We make the sacrifice out of love just as they do by taking our last name.

We get down on one knee and propose sacrificing ourself in that very instance, and she takes our last name.

Get it now? :wink:

[deaduck]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

Get it now? :wink:

No.

That argument wasn't relative to my marriage at all. Hell, it wasn't even relevant to my thoughts on marriage before I got married.

But if it works for you (and her), then it works for you (and hopefully her).

[JBH3]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

No.

That argument wasn't relative to my marriage at all. Hell, it wasn't even relevant to my thoughts on marriage before I got married.

But if it works for you (and her), then it works for you (and hopefully her).

To each his own, and we're happily married...in fact we talked about this as it what was an interesting topic of conversation I thought. My wife gave me the 1, 2, 3 that I typed in my response to jmood above. :wink:

[DC]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

Because a good woman is going to sacrifice her body for your kids whether or not she comes out the same physically depends on her physical make-up, but moreover the amount of kids you agree on having or she is willing to give you regardless of her wishes (to make you happy), and the time she's able to dedicate back to her health given the kids and/or if she works and your lifestyle as a couple.

This statement always bothered me. You do understand that women want kids as well right? Why is it always phrased that the woma is having the kids for the man as if she gets nothing out of having them as well

[mvb34]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

The man is the head of the household therefore the woman takes the last name. End of story..

[Nivek]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

I voted yes, but I really don't care as long as my kids bare my last name. And I don't want my wife using that *** **** hyphen crap either, pick one and call it a day.

[JBH3]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

This statement always bothered me. You do understand that women want kids as well right? Why is it always phrased that the woma is having the kids for the man as if she gets nothing out of having them as well

She does get something out of them...OF COURSE! Let me explain where I'm coming from given the talks we've had over expanding our family by one more.

My wife is more/less happy w/ just our son, one child. I told her I'd like at least two children. She says I would like to work part-time. So if I WANT a 2nd child, and she will give that to me, then I have to understand that I'm only getting that 2nd child if I can move up in my job.

I will be a GS-11 in a month making $60,500, she is a full-time HS teacher. If she wants to work as a teacher part-time I've got no problem w/ that, but the responsibility falls on me to make ends meet as she is giving me the 2nd child I want.

It's a give and take. So this elaborates on what I was saying initially.

EDIT: Oh and technically how can that bother you when I STATE:

Because a good woman is going to sacrifice her body for your kids whether or not she comes out the same physically depends on her physical make-up, but moreover the amount of kids you AGREE ON having or SHE IS WILLING to give you regardless of her wishes (to make you happy), and the time she's able to dedicate back to her health given the kids and/or if she works and your lifestyle as a couple.

[DC]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

I was talking to my man Wiki and came across these - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names

Other

A less common, but growing, alternative is for the married couple to create a new non-hyphenated name. This name may be a combination of letters from both surnames, it may be a name found on distant branches of both family trees, or it may be a new name altogether. This allows any children to have the same name and is equal in that both parties must give up their original surnames. One example of this is Los Angeles, California, USA mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. Born Antonio Villar, upon marrying wife Corina Raigosa, fused their surnames into the present Villaraigosa. One possible criticism against this practice is that it makes families harder to trace via genealogy, though a counter-argument would be that it makes the mother's genealogical information easier to trace. In many countries a legal record must be filed in order to make this name change, which increases the level of complexity.

Malaysia

Malay women will keep their given name forever. Their name will be joined with their father's name using BINTI (daughter of) to become their full name. Even after their marriage, they still use their full name. Eg.: <Daughter's name> BINTI <Father's name>. For Example: (Boy name) Muhammad Khairullah Bin Azman and (Girl name) Nur Fatin Binti Azman. Chinese Malaysian women also keep their surname. They may let themselves be addressed as 'Mrs. (husband's family name)' or 'Madam (her own surname)'.

Arabic speaking countries

Women keep their full birth and family names and do not change their family names to their husbands'. This is because of the majority Muslim population within the Arab countries. Islam requires that Muslim women do not change their family name upon marriage, as this might suggest a transfer of property ownership. Under Islam, the woman retains her family name and identity as per Islamic law.

However, some women do choose to carry their husbands' family name, especially in Egypt and the Levant. Examples: Jehan Sadat , Suzanne Mubarak, Asma al-Assad, Queen Rania Al-Abdullah. This is likely due to Western influence.

Japan

In Japan, marriage law requires that married couples share a surname because they must belong to the same koseki (household). Although it is customary for the wife to join her husband's family and thus take his surname, the husband may instead join his wife's family and take her surname. The latter is customary if the wife is the last of her family, particularly if her lineage has some significance. Eldest sons are more likely to keep their family names than younger sons. Though uncommon, foreign men who marry Japanese women may choose to join their wife's koseki and take her surname. An example of this is Koizumi Yakumo, (born Lafcadio Hearn), a Greek-born Irishman who took his Japanese wife's name.

In the Japanese language it is common to avoid second and third person pronouns and instead refer to a person in conversation by their surname plus a title such as san which may indicate the relative rank, profession, or gender of the person but not his or her marriage status. Many women who have well established careers or circles of friends may wish to continue to be referred to by their maiden name after they marry in order to maintain continuity at work or among their acquaintances. However this is an informal practice not recognized by law, and a wife and husband may not use separate surnames in official settings. Although women's rights groups have attempted to introduce legislation that would allow married couples to maintain separate surnames, a practice which in Japanese is referred to as fūfu bessei (夫婦別姓, lit. "husband and wife, different-surname'?), such legislation has not yet been enacted.

[MC Fatigue]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

I just want to know what these guys who say that their wife has to have a good reason for not taking it, what their reason is for her to take it. I've still just seen people say that it's just because of how it's been without having a real good reason for it.

A lot of people don't really have good reasons for their beliefs. I'm not specifically talking about this thread - but a lot of people believe things because "that's how it's always been" or because someone told them to believe that, and they haven't bothered to think for themselves.

I've met a lot of people who couldn't even back up their beliefs, and it just boils down to "that's how I was raised". That's what people told them as kids, so instead of growing up and challenging their beliefs, or really thinking about why they believe them, they just blindly continue to believe them.

Again - not specifically talking about this thread - but your point in general as of people not giving good reasons the other way around.

[JBH3]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

To DC's wiki search:

-The first I think is stupid.

-The Malay one is an interesting concept, and can understand that.

-The Arabic one is the worst. "Transfer of ownership" women are viewed as property, in no way is this befitting to our society. Plus muslims tend to have multiple wives.

-The Japan one is the same exact model in our country. The significance here is that they're socio-economic status is of the same as ours so this shows a semblance between higher cultures (for lack of a better phrase).

[Jukeman]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

Yes because.....

Its suppose to be "Mrs. Joe Smoe"

if not what would she go by??? Her regular name "Ms. Jane Dane" or "Mrs. Jane Dane"....She's not married to "Mr. Dane".....

Never understood marrage anyways especially now....

Im not into getting married so I really dont care(If it happens it happens, but im not doing it cuz everyone else does...its just a trap anyways...Like signing up for something)

[DC]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

Im not into getting married so I really dont care(If it happens it happens, but im not doing it cuz everyone else does...its just a trap anyways...Like signing up for something)

Explain how it is a trap.

Juke was serious too

[Jukeman]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

Explain how it is a trap.

Juke was serious too

LoL

IDK, it just seem like a trap to me....Anything you have to sign up for seem like a scam to me....Is it true you also have to pay money???

My parents(mother and step father) got married a couple years ago, they didnt have a wedding or nothing, they just got papers....Before that, they already been togather for more than 10 years...So they just had to make it "legal"...

And the woman not talking the man's name just makes it all about paper work

JMO.....Im sure if I find "THE One" everthing will change....

Also I shouldnt use the word "scam" I should use the phrase "there's a catch"

[JBH3]

Re: Should your wife take your last name?

Here's something:

Given the topic of the women taking the man's last name. Why does she do it etc.?

Well...what about those guys (Gene Simmons for example) who has a relationship, w/ kids, the mother and him living together all this time like they're married, but he sees no point in the "gesture" of marriage and the ring and all of that.

Now Simmons is an extreme example given his triumphs in the sack, but other guys w/ a not so much storied sex life who insist on NOT getting married because they don't see the point in it...where does that fall?

See ALL this just becomes a trivial argument between a man and a woman.

If the man wants the woman to take the last name, and she refuses for whatever reason then why if the man knowingly loves her and does it by showing her this, given his daily actions etc. Why does he need to seal it w/ a ring and an "official" wedding/marriage?

The whole idea between these two topics are just stupid.

You don't want my last name? Why do we need to get married? You know I love you right. Such is the back and forth regarding a topic that really holds no merit in challenging tradition.

Why not just forsake marriage as a whole since everyone is presumably under the understanding of loving each other what's the point?