My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

[JBH3]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

It appears that the only problem is her weight.

Her weight gain is her fault.

Thus, unless he is leaving out critical information, the whole issue is her fault.

You're wrong. What if dude looks at porn and his girl hates it. Rather than go the way of getting herself to look the way those women do she goes the other way into a depression and 20 gallons of Ben and Jerry's later she's gained 40 lbs.

That's just one hypothetical of many.

So before you act as if you know it all, and assume it's all her fault...STOP!

[DC]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Good post JHB

[Chef Matt]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I think you wife being BEAUTIFUL and you finding her SEXY are two seperate things. I can no be able to be "ready" for my wife, but I can still find her beautiful. I think beauty speaks about partial physicals and mostly intangibles.

But as I said, if dude thinks she is nasty looking why should marry her.

Yeah, sorry, that's what I meant. She's super sexy always has been. I tell her everyday, always have. But the gym has helped out for us. We both wanted to join though. I think that is the key. I didn't have to talk her into it or say, "Hey, you know, we have been packin on the puonds. Maybe we should join a gym" LOL. She was already wanting to go.

It's done some good things for us. We sleep better, feel better, look better. etc..

BTW Our 8th anniverary was on Tuesday! Spent Mon-Wed in Santa Cruz livin it up w/o the kids. They stayed with the in-laws.

[JBH3]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Yeah, sorry, that's what I meant. She's super sexy always has been. I tell her everyday, always have. But the gym has helped out for us. We both wanted to join though. I think that is the key. I didn't have to talk her into it or say, "Hey, you know, we have been packin on the puonds. Maybe we should join a gym" LOL. She was already wanting to go.

It's done some good things for us. We sleep better, feel better, look better. etc..

BTW Our 8th anniverary was on Tuesday! Spent Mon-Wed in Santa Cruz livin it up w/o the kids. They stayed with the in-laws.

Congrats. It's important not only for your individual health, but it's also a good way to spend time together. We've got one child, and want another, right now Johnny is only two, but we're excited about one day having a family gym membership either to the YMCA or a local gym/rec center so we can do that as a family and instill in our children the importance of exercise and physical well-being.

Right now my wife and I work out seperately. She get's up early in the morning now, around 5:00 am, and goes for a jog around our neighborhood and has some bellydancing videos and aerobic videos she does...she's tried to get me to do the yoga w/ her but...we'll just say I wasn't into it.

I on the other hand go for a run when I get home, and take our son in the Schwinn stroller so that he can fly around the neighborhood w/ me...although by about the last leg of the run it's all up hill and I'm usually sucking wind.

[slickdtc]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Exactly!

"Well in the long run, looks fade . . ."

In the long run, we're all dead. Live in the moment and enjoy it.

It's important to live in the moment. But if he lives in the moment and decides to break up with his girlfriend because she has gained some weight, maybe his moments post-girlfriend won't be so great. Then he'll regret doing it.

I say live in the moment, but also think about the future.

The best thing to do here is for the OP to communicate with his girlfriend. Express your concerns over her weight gain. All of them. Chances are, she'll have her feelings hurt. People don't like it when they're called out for gaining weight. But if she hasn't noticed it herself, and it's clearly bothering the OP, then there's more problems then just weight gain here.

[Chef Matt]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Congrats. It's important not only for your individual health, but it's also a good way to spend time together. We've got one child, and want another, right now Johnny is only two, but we're excited about one day having a family gym membership either to the YMCA or a local gym/rec center so we can do that as a family and instill in our children the importance of exercise and physical well-being.

Right now my wife and I work out seperately. She get's up early in the morning now, around 5:00 am, and goes for a jog around our neighborhood and has some bellydancing videos and aerobic videos she does...she's tried to get me to do the yoga w/ her but...we'll just say I wasn't into it.

I on the other hand go for a run when I get home, and take our son in the Schwinn stroller so that he can fly around the neighborhood w/ me...although by about the last leg of the run it's all up hill and I'm usually sucking wind.

Sory don't mean to hijack the thread but yeah, we have a family membership at a gym that is less then a mile from our house. Great family atmosphere. We got a great deal 750.00 for the year, day care included for the little ones, and exclusive access for my wife, daughter and I.

[DaveDQ]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

If were were measured in the same way we measure, none of us would be sufficient.

[J0nnD0ugh]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Living in the moment is why the divorce rate is so high in these modern times. People think of the romance & "happily ever after" & don't realise marriage is work. Yes, there is love & fun. But its work also. Two imperfect people do not make one perfect relationship. You have to think ahead, or else, you're going to be somebody's ex.

And you need communication, xxplosive. Exactly how strong is your relationship, if after 3 years you'd rather go on video game forum to get marital advice instead of directly talking to your g/f of 3 yrs? Let her know how hard it is for you to say it, but SAY IT!

[CMH]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

If were were measured in the same way we measure, none of us would be sufficient.

Which is why I know I'll be lucky to find a girl that can deal with my approach to things.

But I'm not changing for anyone so unless I find that person, I'm not settling.

[Methlab]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

This is great for a video game board.

And seriously the people hating on the OP depress me. If you have any testosterone at all you are going to develop a wandering eye if your girl is suddenly not attractive anymore. It is just how it is. If you sit around all day and press buttons and feel lucky to have your wife/GF then I feel sorry for you. A lot of people are go getters who want the best for themselves. They do not settle.

OP, the only way your GF weighing 185 pounds is acceptable is if you truly do not care. If you do, then you need to find a sport or gym that you can both do together, or you should find another girl.

[JBH3]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Living in the moment is why the divorce rate is so high in these modern times. People think of the romance & "happily ever after" & don't realise marriage is work. Yes, there is love & fun. But its work also. Two imperfect people do not make one perfect relationship. You have to think ahead, or else, you're going to be somebody's ex.

And you need communication, xxplosive. Exactly how strong is your relationship, if after 3 years you'd rather go on video game forum to get marital advice instead of directly talking to your g/f of 3 yrs? Let her know how hard it is for you to say it, but SAY IT!

This is all very true.

I've been married going on 4 years now, and by no means am the expert. My wife and I knew each other, and dated for 3 years before getting married.

Communication is key.

...but if the OP doesn't have a "support group" so to speak, or his "boys" are not married or not ones to be able to give any advice than I can see him asking us.

Regardless hopefully he understands that there needs to be dialogue with his girl now, and in the future can approach touchy situations on his own, through good communication w/ his significant other, rather than coming here. :wink:

[TheLetterZ]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Really. That's unnecessary...your comment.

And as a Mod you shouldn't be trying to ignite the insults. Piss poor on your part. Looking at who has posted in this thread since the point that I entered are all mature and sound individuals given their abilities to critically think and comprehend. Sure...I've gotten into many a heated discussion w/ some (JohnDough, among others), but that's just because of different viewpoints and ideas.

However, never did I feel that any of these persons couldn't comprehend what I was saying...they just didn't see it the same way as I did...and that's ok.

A big problem here is the two camps in this thread reacting as if their party is completely right, and the other party is completely wrong.

When in retrospect both parties have viable concerns/ideas/solutions/what have you... about this situation.

Some have been condemning, some have been supportive, some have been condemning then supportive, and neither is absolutely right or wrong.

All of these reactions can ignite action from the OP as only he knows all the details in this relationship so if a group of people find the litte information he's provided as shallow than maybe he has some self-realization of how shallow he is.

Condemning, in at least that aspect, has a positive effect.

...and guess what I never even took the SATs, and don't if I'd pass that section or not. I do know that I passed the ASVAB, entered in the Marine Corps, had two MOS's in Supply Admin. and finance, and currently work as a GS-11 Financial Analyst without ever having to take the SATs. Hey I probably even make more money than you, and again...never even took the SATs. But guess what...all of that is irrellevant, much like your comment above.

This elitist stuck-up mentality is freaking sickening.

I wasn't talking about you, but rather the people who come in here trying to pick apart someone else's post by bringing up something either totally irrelevant or that's already been addressed six times.

It's frustrating when you're engaged in an intelligent discussion with people - as I think we have been - and other people jump in to argue or generalize someone else's posts without actually reading or understanding what people are talking about.

Not only is it frustrating to have to either ignore those posts or repeat yourself again and again to respond, but it's disrespectful to try to argue with someone without even listening to or trying to understand their point of view.

Again, not talking about any specific poster, and especially not you because I've enjoyed this discussion.

[aholbert32]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I'm a different kid of guy I guess. I dont give a damn about the divorce rate being high. As much as I know, you only get one life so if you are unhappy with it, you should change whats making you unhappy. There are multiple ways to change things but in this scenario, if he's talked to his girl about her weight and she is unwilling to work to lose it...then he should move on. I'm not the type of person who believes that people should suffer because they made a vow or out of loyalty.

Staying in this relationship increases the chances that he will cheat. It increases the chances that he will become abusive in someway (verbally or emotionally). My theory is that when you consider marrying someone you should be able to say "I can be happy with this person right now as they are even if they dont ever change for the better." So many people i know get married and say "I'm gonna marry her and then we will work on her losing the weight" or "Once I marry him, he will stop cheating". And every single time the woman doesnt lose any weight and the guy doesnt stop cheating.

[mgoblue]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

I'm a different kid of guy I guess. I dont give a damn about the divorce rate being high. As much as I know, you only get one life so if you are unhappy with it, you should change whats making you unhappy. There are multiple ways to change things but in this scenario, if he's talked to his girl about her weight and she is unwilling to work to lose it...then he should move on. I'm not the type of person who believes that people should suffer because they made a vow or out of loyalty.

Staying in this relationship increases the chances that he will cheat. It increases the chances that he will become abusive in someway (verbally or emotionally). My theory is that when you consider marrying someone you should be able to say "I can be happy with this person right now as they are even if they dont ever change for the better." So many people i know get married and say "I'm gonna marry her and then we will work on her losing the weight" or "Once I marry him, he will stop cheating". And every single time the woman doesnt lose any weight and the guy doesnt stop cheating.

Yeah...I'm not even saying divorce her (or whatever), but if you don't want to have sex with your wife because she's let herself go then you have issues with your relationship. Letting yourself go is different than "changing over time due to getting old"...

Kudos to you guys willing to never have sex again, I just couldn't do that...

[stewaat]

Re: My OS brothers...I am at a crossroads. Help me out.

Yeah...I'm not even saying divorce her (or whatever), but if you don't want to have sex with your wife because she's let herself go then you have issues with your relationship. Letting yourself go is different than "changing over time due to getting old"...

Kudos to you guys willing to never have sex again, I just couldn't do that...

:kudos: