I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

[The Chef]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

I think it is more the fact that the mom was not happy with the gift. If my sister told me not to get her kid something and I went and still got them that gift. I think I am in the wrong in my opinion.

Arent you jumping to conclusions or did I miss something? I dont remember his Sister saying not to get her the Ipod Touch, she may have acted jealous of her getting it but didnt come right out and say not to get it for her. If her issue was merely the fact that she didnt want to be out done at Christmas for her own kid then I can understand that, but if thats an issue and yet she chooses not to say anything then that ****s on her, not ODogg. Now this is what I would have done in said situation. If I had known my Sister was struggling (whether it be her own doing or not) I would offer to let her attach her name to the Ipod and we could give it to her as a joint gift then the Mother saves face, the Uncle doesnt get cursed out and the Niece/Nephew have an awesome Christmas. Now thats just me, others would handle it differently obviously. I dont give gifts to try and earn "points" or be that "cool" relative, I give them because I enjoy giving back to those around me in whatever way I can, if merely giving partial credit to my Sister would have allowed everything to go smoother then I figure its a sacrafice well worth it in the end.

[Scottdau]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

I do think you're right, I think that it's more of an overall issue of my sister resenting my success while lamenting her own plight. It's her own fault though, she had a great job at the hospital (with full benefits and everything) which she quit to tend bar 2 days a week so no wonder she has no money or any sort of career. She is simply lazy to be blunt. She'd rather just get by than work. But then when she sees others with more than her she feels it's "unfair" and resents others for having more.

On a related note I asked her if it was ok if I got my niece an iPod touch and the first thing she said was "I don't even have an ipod at all". To which I replied "well maybe Paige will let you have her ipod nano then"..then silence...and finally "ok, that's cool". I know she was both feeling glad she'd have an ipod but also probably a little unhappy her 13 year old was going to be giving her the hand-me-down ipod.

You could be right Chef. I might have read this wrong.

[Scottdau]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

I think the sisters have some major issues. I am just saying to be as mean as them is wrong. That is why I say he needs to rise about that. That way the kids can see how a mature person acts. So Odogg I say just keep being nice and supportive you will be shocked how far that goes.

[The Chef]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

I think the sisters have some major issues. I am just saying to be as mean as them is wrong. That is why I say he needs to rise about that. That way the kids can see how a mature person acts. So Odogg I say just keep being nice and supportive you will be shocked how far that goes.

Some people are just *******s no matter what you do. Who knows, maybe ODogg offers to let her attach her name to the gift as a joint present and then she curses him out for having pity on her, some people just cant be helped and will be pissed off at the world no matter what you do. If that description fits his Sister then its probably wise that he limits his contact with her but at no point should he throw in the towel on the kids as they cant be punished for having a ridiculously childish woman for a Mother.

[Scottdau]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

I agree, but I also believe if you are nice then it make it a lot easier. Sure she still might be a bitch or act immature, but I still say that is no reason to go down to her level.

[CWSapp757]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

Man, what an interesting thread. Meant to read it a few days ago but got busy. Anyway, there's not a lot I can say that hasn't already been said. I will say this though ODogg. I really would recommend cutting those people off that you seem to have constant conflict with, family or not. Don't even bother going blow for blow because it's a waste of energy and you'll only stress yourself out.

On a side note, my Christmas was great. I didn't get anything, but me and my girl moved into our new apartment and I got to sleep all day. It was beautiful.

Oh yeah. And RipCity: I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but you definitely wildin man. I think you owe a couple people an apology.

[ODogg]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

To comment on my sister and what you guys have speculated about her, don't get me wrong, my sister isn't the type to have stressed very much about that ipod touch. She has a very short attention span. Chances are that right after I told her what I was getting she got mad, got jealous, then about 2 minutes after the convo was over had forgotten about it. That's the thing with her, she's got the mentality of a 13 year old girl herself, quick to anger, very angry & scary & hurtful to everyone, then forgets about it and thinks everyone else should be the same way.

So yeah I don't think her acting the way she did really had anything to do with the gift. I do think that overall she resents her situation fiercely and has jealousy for others in a better situation but I don't think she seriously really has lingering anger about people like myself doing nicely for her kids.

As for offering to put her name on it, she would probably have agreed to that. But honestly the woman has been nothing but mean and hateful to me no matter what I've done. I offered to have dinner with her and my other sister a while back and she said she didn't want to unless she could bring her boyfriend so she'd ...and I quote "have someone to talk to". Which translates to, in my opinion, that she finds me boring. So after I tried to press her a little just to have a siblings night out I got, once again, a series of obscenity laced text messages.

I really completely agree with everyone about just kind of backing off and leaving the family alone. Maybe I am partly to blame, I don't know. I do know that I have friends and co-workers I deal with every day in the same way and never have any of these problems so honestly I don't think most of it is me. I think most of it is the fact that my family are just quickly angered, immature people.

My trick now is to figure out how to still try to maintain a relationship and help my niece and nephew out without enduring drama and raising my blood pressure. But for now, and probably for quite a while, I'm not going to even think about it. Maybe some time away is a good idea for everyone involved. I know I can't go on like this. I've been so stressed and depressed since the holiday I have been almost at rock bottom. I can't take anymore of this.

[sb24]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

To comment on my sister and what you guys have speculated about her, don't get me wrong, my sister isn't the type to have stressed very much about that ipod touch. She has a very short attention span. Chances are that right after I told her what I was getting she got mad, got jealous, then about 2 minutes after the convo was over had forgotten about it. That's the thing with her, she's got the mentality of a 13 year old girl herself, quick to anger, very angry & scary & hurtful to everyone, then forgets about it and thinks everyone else should be the same way.

So yeah I don't think her acting the way she did really had anything to do with the gift. I do think that overall she resents her situation fiercely and has jealousy for others in a better situation but I don't think she seriously really has lingering anger about people like myself doing nicely for her kids.

As for offering to put her name on it, she would probably have agreed to that. But honestly the woman has been nothing but mean and hateful to me no matter what I've done. I offered to have dinner with her and my other sister a while back and she said she didn't want to unless she could bring her boyfriend so she'd ...and I quote "have someone to talk to". Which translates to, in my opinion, that she finds me boring. So after I tried to press her a little just to have a siblings night out I got, once again, a series of obscenity laced text messages.

I really completely agree with everyone about just kind of backing off and leaving the family alone. Maybe I am partly to blame, I don't know. I do know that I have friends and co-workers I deal with every day in the same way and never have any of these problems so honestly I don't think most of it is me. I think most of it is the fact that my family are just quickly angered, immature people.

My trick now is to figure out how to still try to maintain a relationship and help my niece and nephew out without enduring drama and raising my blood pressure. But for now, and probably for quite a while, I'm not going to even think about it. Maybe some time away is a good idea for everyone involved. I know I can't go on like this. I've been so stressed and depressed since the holiday I have been almost at rock bottom. I can't take anymore of this.

I have a few things to say,

This thread has reminded me why i love the ignore feature(not used on you ODogg)

I really would recommend cutting those people off that you seem to have constant conflict with, family or not. Don't even bother going blow for blow because it's a waste of energy and you'll only stress yourself out.

Whats the saying.... Dont argue with an idoit they have more experiance.... something like that. You wont win these fights its your sisters game so dont go to her level.

Now on to where i have an opinion. I HATE (yes strong word but used properly) my brother and had to host x-mas for my family. We didnt speak but maybe a merry christmas and i gave his kids gifts. I may have actually spent more on them then he did. I didnt get him anything and we didnt speak. Its established, we arent going to get along so we dont try. Not that i recommend that for you, just more or less it is possible to see your neices and nephews and give them gifts without really having to deal with their parents. Of course all familys are different and somethings just dont work the same.

[DocHolliday]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

Haven't read this whole thread but it seems to me that you are the immature one here O-Dogg. You baited two family members into getting into a fight with you, and all you seem to care about is that you have enough money to buy the kids some kick *** gifts. Did you try to actually outdo the parents or something?

Either way, gift are not what christmas is about, its about family, and you seemed to have tossed a grenade on a whole chunk of yours because of some deep seeded issues that you have.

When I read the post, I thought for sure you were like 20 yrs old, only to find out that your nearly 40. Dude, posting stuff like that on facebook is basically what a 16 yr old girl would do.

My .02.

[CWSapp757]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

Seems a little unfair that you say he is solely the immature one homie. He sister seems to be completely psycho(Sorry ODogg, just calling it like I see it) and the facebook message was way over the top in response to his initial message IMO. I think we can all agree that he could have handled the situation a little differently but dude has already acknowledged that.

I'm a grown man and I know there have been times that I have reacted unreasonable to a situation out of anger. One of my friends or family members would normally check me, tell me I was wrong and I would acknowledge that. That doesn't make me immature. Just means I made a mistake. But that's just me.

[ODogg]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

Doc - I baited two family members into arguments? I don't see it. My sister with the kids, there was nothing at all I did wrong there IMO. Nothing. My stepsister, yes I should have blatantly posted it was a Seinfeld quote but she was completely out of line by responding to what she perceived as a slightly offensive posting (re-read it, it's actually reads more like someone who is depressed than someone who is trying to insult anyone) and responded with a nuclear attack. Was my facebook posting wrong? Probably was, as CW said, but frankly when people argue there are usually things done out of anger. But go re-read her email to me and tell me I was the immature one with a straight face. I don't think anyone can seriously say that.

And sue me for buying my niece and nephew nice gifts. They have NOTHING. My sister did not buy them ANYTHING for Christmas. Christmas is for kids and every kid deserves a nice something for it. I think it's nuts to say that I was trying to somehow sabotage anyone with giving nice gifts. But yeah, let's say instead you're right and I should have abstained from the gifts entirely, I still wouldn't have been able to, as you say, spend time with them because that's the point, my sister didn't allow anyone over to her house for Christmas because of her drama.

I guess probably part of the reason some people like yourself may see it that way is you honestly do not know the history of my sister and how she acts with everyone, not just myself. Perhaps reading more through the thread (if you haven't) may help you understand how she is. The point is that she is anti-family, she really has no place for it. She ruins every family get together. That's why this Christmas, with my grandparents and mother both being sick, I was trying to get her to put aside her argument with her fiance for one single day and do something for the family, spend it together in a happy time, exchanging gifts and just enjoying each other's company...but she couldn't even do that.

Now my older sister, she's a different story. She's out of work and has it much worse than my younger sister but yet she spent time with us on Christmas Eve, we had a few drinks, she told my niece and nephew stories and then we caught up on our old times together as kids. No drama at all. No problem with gifts. She is not working but she got the kids what she could and they were happy. Heck we all were happy until the next day rolled around and we had to involve my younger sister!!

[DocHolliday]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

Well put O-Dogg, my first post was just the initial reaction. I read a bit more and it seems as if your sister just is not happy.

Hope it all works out for you.

[jeremym480]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

ODogg. I feel you man. My Brother and Sister each have two kids (a boy and girl a piece) and I don't get to spend a lot of time with them each year. Not because we don't get along but, because we all live in different states. Therefore, I only get to see them maybe two or three times a year. So, the time that we do get to spend together is super important to me as a Uncle; especially since I don't have any kids of my own.

Now, I don't exactly know your family situation but, is there a way to work around your sister for the time being? I mean, it appears that your sister is, for the most part, the one in the wrong here and she obviously doesn't want anyone at her house. But, my question is...... is she still close with any other family members?

If so, maybe you can talk to them about your problems and have them "babysit" you niece and nephew. When they do you can go visit them and be able to be around them in a "healthy setting". Maybe then you could tell your nephew how to connect his PS3 up online. Maybe then the two of you could play some kick*** games together.

Just a thought but, either way I hope it all works out for you. Best of luck man.

[jonpt]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

Hey ODogg! Haven't read all of this thread and seen the responses but can certainly sympathize with what you're dealing with. I work with my family so I've had my share of experiences where I felt like I was wronged by them. The hardest thing for me to realize was the truth and that was the fact that I was powerless over them. Before I just thought maybe if I just tried harder things would change but most times it's just not the case. And once I saw this I was able to just accept the powerlessness I had over them. And once I was able to do this I was able to make changes in myself and my attitude. All I could really do is keep "my side of the street" clean...only they can handle their side. Sometimes I would see one way to fix a problem and not any other because I was so sure this was the way it could be fixed. So my approach to the problem would never change and Something I've heard before is "if nothing changes...nothing changes". So my first step would be to take a step back and see if I could change something in my actions and attitude. There's also some value into being able to saying "I don't know" or "I made a mistake". I don't know what you're beliefs are but being able to do this and give my problem to God has been the key to having more peace for me because as I've got older I've realized that I will never remotely come close to knowing everything or being everything. None of us will be.. Well, I'll cut it short.. Sorry for the long post...hopefully helps a little.

[ODogg]

Re: I've had the Christmas from hell..anyone feel me?

jeremym480 - that is kind of what i was thinking, i was planning to have the kids find out when they can come stay with me, then have my mom go pick them up, then me pick them up and drop them off at my mom's house. i'm sure my sister would like that idea too as she could be free to go out drinking and partying all weekend since she's single now.

jonpt - it's amazing that you posted that because I have really come to that conclusion over the last few days myself. i think i've just decided that you can't ever really force anyone to be a part of a family and in doing so actually just makes things worse. i also have, in this last difficult month, probably the most difficult month of my life to be honest, i have come to terms with the fact with what my family really is. i think a lot of us kind of harbor notions of our family that may not match with reality. this has been sort of my wake up call that i really don't have a family that really much enjoys each other in a normal, functional way. and in some cases i've come to the conclusion that there is a lot of hate and anger that was directed to me that I honestly never really even realized existed.

a friend of mine who gives good advice has told me to weigh the pros and cons of continuing to try with certain people, people like my sister, and i asked myself, when was the last time i ever had a good time with misty...and I realized i can't ever remember having a good time with her.. at all. So she is her own person and that is that. i am powerless to change that situation as i've done all i can do and it's been rejected, in fact, with extreme prejudice. i guess i'm slow to take hints, LOL. but maybe not, i really haven't tried to even deal with her too much after school because of this kind of stuff..until my niece/nephew came along and then i resumed trying again.

it's great advice though, accept your powerlessness. live your life and try to be happy without stressing over "how things should be". i also need to quit trying so much to understand how other people think, like what is going through their head? and lastly, i need to quit trying so hard to make peace with people who don't really care to have peace but instead would prefer chaos, anger and dramatics. this doesn't just apply to my sister but other members of my family as well...