Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

[USF11]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I would love to have kids.

But, I think having kids takes your life in a whole different direction.

Someone said that not having kids is a burden-free lifestyle, I actually think the opposite.

Since..I don't have kids I am harder on myself to accomplish personal and professional goals. I have no excuses to why I am not succeeding in a particular area.

[FLEX6276]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

Great post back there Lt. Dan.

The thing is people who are 'anti-children' such as Dislimb and Born simply can't know what it's like to be on the other side whereas we can. I know what it is like to have all the free time in the world, to have no obligations and to be able to do what i want when i want. I did that for 28 years. They simply cannot know what it is like to have your own child. It truly is something you can't understand how good it is until you experience it yourself. I'm far from an emotional guy but i'm happy to admit i cried with joy the first time i held me newborn daughter in my arms. That may be cliche but its the truth. I wasn't expecting it at all and i'm not the type of guy who normally cries for any reason but i simply couldn't help it.

I totally agree that people shouldn't be pressured into having children and really should not have them unless they are 100% committed but for the guys who are celebrating their 'freedom' you really don't know what you are missing out on as well.

I love this post, I felt the same way when i had my daughter. I love being a dad and I feel blessed that God gave me the task along with my wife to be a parent. Having children is not for everyone. I feel lke starting my own thread Anybody else feel glad that they DO have kids?

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I love this post, I felt the same way when i had my daughter. I love being a dad and I feel blessed that God gave me the task along with my wife to be a parent. Having children is not for everyone. I feel lke starting my own thread Anybody else feel glad that they DO have kids?

I don't see why not...it'd be a logical spin-off to this one to represent the other side of the equation.

[deaduck]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I don't see why not...it'd be a logical spin-off to this one to represent the other side of the equation.

And then this thread could maybe stop being a cycle of guys saying they respect the choice not to have kids but then start with "You don't know what your missing?" pitches.

I get it...guys with kids LOVE their kids.

And that's the way it should be...but it is getting repetitious in a thread started to discuss NOT having them.

And before people go get all up in arms...go read my earlier post in the thread. I'm not on a anti-kids team by any means....so don't go there.

[Hova57]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

Though the intent of the OP was good in nature for those who understand where he's coming from. the OP further went on to express why and what he does. I can respect that and the same for others. But like I have said before as a parent once you accept your kids as your world. Its hard to see or listen to anyone say different. Explaining being a parent is difficult and yes its cliche' because its an emotion and connect that can really be expressed unless you have kids. Granted there are people who shouldn't have kids and do . I respect you guys because you recognize at this time in your life you are not ready.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I don't see why not...it'd be a logical spin-off to this one to represent the other side of the equation.

I love this post, I felt the same way when i had my daughter. I love being a dad and I feel blessed that God gave me the task along with my wife to be a parent. Having children is not for everyone. I feel lke starting my own thread Anybody else feel glad that they DO have kids?

The whole point of the thread is that there is a societal standard that cherishes parenthood. As others have alluded to, sometimes that standard goes as far as to lament adults for not having children as they get older. As society and the world changes, more people are living a lifestyle where they don't seek to have children, but it is still a largely alternative lifestyle as the norm is to have kids if you are a healthy and comfortable adult. This thread was made to see if people were enjoying that alternative lifestyle as much as I was.

There's no point in making a thread asking a question that the basic standards of our culture answers. "Are you glad you have kids?" I sure hope so, otherwise you made a very, very big mistake. You're supposed to be glad you have kids.


This definitely was not intended to make parents feel bad. Kind of surprised some people took it that way. I still don't see how the feelings of childless adults in any way would affect the feeling of happy parents. Logically, I'd only see what we're saying affect a parent if there was some part of the parent that wonders what life would be like had they not had a child.

[CaptainZombie]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I am a parent of 4 kids and wouldn't trade them for the world.........now sometimes I'd like to bust them up, LOL! I can understand where people are coming from if they don't want kids. It is a huge responsibility, I'm broke all the time, hahahhahaha, and they know how to push your buttons at times. They are totally worth it and wouldn't have it anyway.

[Money99]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

Kids are work but I don't see it like that.
Before my wife and I had our two boys, when I'd play with my nephew and neices I used to think I'd never have the energy for kids. But when you have your own, you find a different reserve of energy.
And I think most of that comes from not partying anymore, lol.

But your life changes. I don't want to party anymore. I'd rather spend the day with my family than go to a bar.
But you have to want it and be ready for it.

P.S. I commend adults who don't want kids and stick to that. There's too many people that DO have kids but shouldn't.
Being a parent is a completely selfless act. If you're not willing to make that sacrifice then don't do it.

[JBH3]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

The thing is people who are 'anti-children' such as Dislimb and Born simply can't know what it's like to be on the other side whereas we can. I know what it is like to have all the free time in the world, to have no obligations and to be able to do what I want when I want. I did that for 28 years. They simply cannot know what it is like to have your own child. It truly is something you can't understand how good it is until you experience it yourself.

This is a very VERY good point. I look back now at my time spent from 21-26, and during that 5 yr span I cannot tell you...aside from serving our country...anything positive I did w/ my time. Maybe a few volunteer events courtesy of Marine Corps/DOD, some community building DOD-sponsored activities, and that was it. That was few and far between all of the partying, gaming, chillin w/ friends and/or personal time I was accustomed too. I can say w/ 100% certainty that I DO NOT miss aimlessly hanging out w/ 'friends', and furthermore find it annoying to nurture relationships with friends that don't have kids. Why do I want to go hang out at a bar with you? I'm married and have a kid. I can drink at home...., and then not worry about getting myself home.

i was always one of those guys who felt strange just being around kids ... but once i had them, it was like instinctive. i was 31 when my first son was born and am now a proud father of two at 34. my only regret is that i didn't have them at 24 so that i could keep up with their energy and have an extra 10 years of our lives together ...

Instinctive no doubt....I remember clear as day that when my wife and I were in the car leaving the hospital we both looked at each other like "What do we do now". Instincts immediately took over though, and my wife's mom was a huge help for that first week.

I'm 26 and have a 7 month old son. I'll just reiterate that you have no idea what it feels like to be a parent until you are one. The stuff that matters in your life before children won't matter as much afterwards.

All I care about is getting home from work and seeing my wife and kid. Spending time w/ them, and enjoying my family. I still find a little time for myself most nights too.

"You have no idea what it's like to have your own, it just changes you. It changes everything."

Yeah, yeah, we get it. I brought up that issue long ago, and we've addressed it. If I had a child, I would be happy with my child and I'd relish the challenge of being a great dad.

That's not the issue.

The issue is that on the other side of the equation, I'm happy that I don't. That doesn't mean I'm throwing eggs at family vans as they pass by. It's just when I see people with children and the way their lives have changed for those children, I'm very very happy that my life hasn't turned into that. I'm a very ambitious person who's into a lot of different things that take up my time. Fact of the matter is I'd have to give a lot of that up if I were to have children. I've seen other people give it up. I don't feel sorry for them, of course, but at the same time I do a little touchdown dance in my head when I see the parenthood derail people's life goals.

By saying someone's life "turned into that", as you so put it, gives thought of someone's life being worse off now because of parenthood. That their lives, having changed to something you cannot fathom or understand, is a negative in YOUR eyes.

See... this is where I have an issue w/ you and all others taking the same stance as you. Acting cocky and arrogant as if you have something we never once did, or something that we wish we had back. Frankly, I don't want your life. Been there. Done that. I don't want "friends" wasting my time w/ their problems, or wanting me to entertain them or keep them company. I've had plenty of friends, and plenty of those I thought were my friends and am missing nothing from those days of my life. Obviously you think you have something over the rest of us because you are not "burdened" w/ parenthood so you can continue to think that way and go about your existence.

Oh.....and parenthood doesn't derail people's life goals. Choices and consequences of those choices do.

It's not in doubt that having my own child would change me. The point is that is not a change that I welcome, and I'm happy to be driving in my lane, in my motorcycle passing the minivans and flashing the devil symbol while on my way to doing non-parent stuff.

...and I'm happy to be driving in my Toyota Sienna XLE in my lane playing offensive driver to motorcyclers.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

Can't we all just get along?


Or a mod can go ahead and put the lock on this thread. Nothing useful is coming out of it b/c obviously nobody's feelings are going to change one way or the other.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

This is a very VERY good point. I look back now at my time spent from 21-26, and during that 5 yr span I cannot tell you...aside from serving our country...anything positive I did w/ my time. Maybe a few volunteer events courtesy of Marine Corps/DOD, some community building DOD-sponsored activities, and that was it. That was few and far between all of the partying, gaming, chillin w/ friends and/or personal time I was accustomed too. I can say w/ 100% certainty that I DO NOT miss aimlessly hanging out w/ 'friends', and furthermore find it annoying to nurture relationships with friends that don't have kids. Why do I want to go hang out at a bar with you? I'm married and have a kid. I can drink at home...., and then not worry about getting myself home.

See here is a big, big difference between yourself and myself. I never spent my time doing that. Even in highschool, I had what my friends call a "laser guided focus" on my goals. As I've gotten older, I've gotten more focused. I could care less about going to a bar and just shooting the **** with people. My work is quality based, skill based, talent based. I have to spend my time honing my craft to a razor sharp edge, and it's been like that since I started working in animation at 19 years old.

I'm not glad I don't have kids because that gives me time to screw around. I'm glad because it allows me to swing for the fences when opportunity pitches something my way. I don't have to play conservative on any life decisions, and that's working out really well for me. "Aimless" and "bars" and "partying" and "chilling" are not terms applicable to my life in any way.

So if that's what you were doing, then yeah, better to spend your time being a dad.

By saying someone's life "turned into that", as you so put it, gives thought of someone's life being worse off now because of parenthood. That their lives, having changed to something you cannot fathom or understand, is a negative in YOUR eyes.

No, that's something you're projecting into my words. I've said it repeatedly in this thread that having children is not a life choice you can place a value judgement on. It's different, but not better or worse. The only thing that is better or worse is how that choice resonates with the individual that makes it.

See... this is where I have an issue w/ you and all others taking the same stance as you. Acting cocky and arrogant as if you have something we never once did, or something that we wish we had back. Frankly, I don't want your life. Been there. Done that. I don't want "friends" wasting my time w/ their problems, or wanting me to entertain them or keep them company. I've had plenty of friends, and plenty of those I thought were my friends and am missing nothing from those days of my life. Obviously you think you have something over the rest of us because you are not "burdened" w/ parenthood so you can continue to think that way and go about your existence.

Oh.....and parenthood doesn't derail people's life goals. Choices and consequences of those choices do.

What is cocky or arrogant? Me being happy with my life choices? I find my existence very, very fulfilling. There's nothing arrogant about that. And yes, seeing people engaged in parenthood reenforces my happiness with my choices. Not sure why that bothers or offends you.

Parenthood can and will change people's life goals depending on what the goals are. Any responsibility or obligation can do that. The less obligated you are, the more opportunities there are for you because you have more resources and the freedom to forsake the kind of a stability that a family relies on.

Good parents can't make all of the same choices as people without children. That is obvious. The resolution is that if you love your children, you're okay with that.

[NDAlum]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

I could go ahead and give many, many, many, many examples of parents who aren't glad they have kids!

I deal with them all the time!

Oh and if I had a nickle for every time I heard "Enjoy it now before you get a wife and kids!" I'd have a few dollars lol.

Maybe I just work with people who aren't as happy as the OS'ers with kids though.

[Jonesy]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

Can't we all just get along?


Or a mod can go ahead and put the lock on this thread. Nothing useful is coming out of it b/c obviously nobody's feelings are going to change one way or the other.

nah it's all good. surely mature adults can agree to disagree without getting stupid, this isn't the madden forums.

I do find it strange that Born is "shocked" that people with children would take offense to the assertion that his life is so much better or 'free' than those with kids:

Still thrilled at this wealth of time and freedom that I have to my selfish selfitty self self self.

I'm also surprised people are asking why people from the opposing side are in here discussing it. Surely that is the purpose of a message board and it is a fairly divisive thread topic to begin with so surely people are going to discuss their point of view.

It wouldn't much of thread of only the guys who loved not having kids posted in it wouldn't it?

I can see it now:

Post one: Gee i love not having kids, it's really great.

Post two: yeah i agree it is really great.

Post three: Yeah i like it too

/thread.

Not really going to inspire much debate on the topic now is it.

Now as for all this "I have a successful career that i couldn't have if i had children" talk that maybe true for you but it's actually not the case in the general population from what i have seen. Numerous studies have shown that married people live longer lives, are generally healthier, earn more money and generally have better mental health. From the stats i have seen roughly half of people who get married have children (this is in the US, it's higher in other countries) so it's not too much of a stretch to say generally people who follow the traditional path of marriage then kids lead very fulfilling lives and don't miss out on much any way you look at it.

[NDAlum]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

See here is a big, big difference between yourself and myself. I never spent my time doing that. Even in highschool, I had what my friends call a "laser guided focus" on my goals. As I've gotten older, I've gotten more focused. I could care less about going to a bar and just shooting the **** with people. My work is quality based, skill based, talent based. I have to spend my time honing my craft to a razor sharp edge, and it's been like that since I started working in animation at 19 years old.

I'm not glad I don't have kids because that gives me time to screw around. I'm glad because it allows me to swing for the fences when opportunity pitches something my way. I don't have to play conservative on any life decisions, and that's working out really well for me. "Aimless" and "bars" and "partying" and "chilling" are not terms applicable to my life in any way.

So if that's what you were doing, then yeah, better to spend your time being a dad.



No, that's something you're projecting into my words. I've said it repeatedly in this thread that having children is not a life choice you can place a value judgement on. It's different, but not better or worse. The only thing that is better or worse is how that choice resonates with the individual that makes it.




What is cocky or arrogant? Me being happy with my life choices? I find my existence very, very fulfilling. There's nothing arrogant about that. And yes, seeing people engaged in parenthood reenforces my happiness with my choices. Not sure why that bothers or offends you.

Parenthood can and will change people's life goals depending on what the goals are. Any responsibility or obligation can do that. The less obligated you are, the more opportunities there are for you because you have more resources and the freedom to forsake the kind of a stability that a family relies on.

Good parents can't make all of the same choices as people without children. That is obvious. The resolution is that if you love your children, you're okay with that.

Aside from the obvious jokes, you haven't insulted having children at all...in my opinion.

I do not get the arguments going against you. You don't deserve it, but that's just how I read it.

[Jonesy]

Re: Anybody else glad that they DON'T have kids?

Aside from the obvious jokes, you haven't insulted having children at all...in my opinion.

I do not get the arguments going against you. You don't deserve it, but that's just how I read it.

For the record i'm not insulted by anything Born or other have said in this thread at all. We are all going to see it from our own perspective and obviously those perspectives are skewed by our own realities. I could see how some people would be offended though....