12-28-2010, 02:45 PM
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#143
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Animal Liberation
OVR: 55
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 12,223
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Re: My Wifes Fat Sister and other holiday disasters
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Originally Posted by VTPack919 |
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Reminds me of the time I was working electronics at K-mart as a summer job. I am sitting at the counter, minding my own business, trying to pass the time until college football came out. When I see the cutest little 2 or three year old come walking in with his father. I lose track of them and check someone out. After the transaction i spot the father looking down the back of the kids shorts, I think nothing of it. Then I notice it. A nice little **** patty laying there on the grown, all mustard-brown in color. I don't panic, I remain calm. I went over to the garden where my brother was working and asked him to tell me what he saw over by the fireworks. He came back and informed me that some had indeed shat in the store. As an aside, I must say, the kid picked the right store to **** in, it was K-mart. If I was working at Target I might have been offended, but everyone who has worked at K-mart knows you have to have a certain mindset. "Okay, I am going to work at K-mart today, I better prepare myself mentally for some off the wall stuff."
As I get back to my counter I call the manager, I'm not getting paid enough and the job sucked enough already so she said to put a cart over it and that she would send someone to do it. Before I could get over there, a woman in some nice white sandles steps in it. She slides about a yard all on one foot, miraculously not falling over. I expected her to turn around and freak out when she found out what she stepped in, but she just looked back, shrugged and kept going. This woman must not have been a stranger to stepping in ****, she took it all in stride.
When I bring the cart over I noticed that this nice half pound crap patty is not the only one, but there are a series of smaller ones all the way up into the bathroom door. I follow them and decide to take a peek inside as my curiosity was at an all time K-mart high. I took a deep breath and swung open the door. In retrospect, this is where I wish I had just thrown down the name badge and left.
It looked like I had found the holy grail of fecal disasters. My mind swirled as I tried to peice together what could have caused this to happen, like a detective at the scene of the murder. I could not come to a conclusion. Was this kid a dookie filled grenade? Was he still alive? Is he still in here somewhere? Could this be a terrorist attack? I had so many questions and no answers were there to be found. The discarded diaper lay strewn in the corner. It stood no chance. A mere finger in the dike holding back and ocean of diarrhea.
The was not one part of this bathroom that was not effected. The sink, mirror, stall, toilet, a-typical bathroom portrait of a random landscape, everything was covered in this henious up-heaval of intestinal bile. I almost collapsed as I am sure the air was more methane at this point than oxygen. I had to get out. It was divine intervention that the only thing that survived the Hollocaust of crap was the door handle. I got out of there and never used that bathroom again. I was scarred. No amount of mister clean or hydrochloric acid could ever rid that bathroom of it's horrible past.
I still to this day can not think of a scenario in which this could have taken place. I hope the kid was alright becuase three laxitives, a plate of deviled egss, and a sack of taco bell couldn't cause the sheer amount of product this kid put all over the place. The amount of coverage was also amazing. It was as if the father stood in the center of the bathroom and spun 360 degress holding his kid like a flamethrower covering the bathroom until he saw fit.
Worst day of my life.
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Oh man, too hilarious! 
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