Physical Discipline........

[KG]

Re: Physical Discipline........

To those who think that spanking in public is wrong:

If a child acts up in a way that warrants a spanking (in the parents' opinion), how should that discipline be given?

I wouldn't spank my child in the middle of a crowded place, but I would take him immediately to a private area (ie restroom) and do what I need to do. If I see somebody else spanking their kid in public, it doesn't bother me. It's their kid, not mine, and as long as they're not going overboard, who am I to tell them how to raise their child?

Honestly, I was always more afraid of the "wait until we get home" when I acted up in public. The embarrassment of a public spanking in front of my cousins hurt more than the spanking.

I can still remember going to the mall with my cousins and spitting spit balls at people on the lower balcony. Some poor guy came up and told my mom & aunt and my cousin admitted it was his spitball that hit dude. Aunt slapped him right then & there and then took back his Super Tecmo Bowl game that she bought an hour earlier in the mall. We were pissed, LOL.

[matt8204]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I don't know; to me, it teaches kids that it's OK to physically strike someone when you don't approve of something they said or did. You can't get away with that as an adult. That's called assault. Granted, a slap on the butt is far different from punching someone in the face, but it could plant that seed in some children that violence is a solution to problems. Taking something away that they enjoy seems like a more effective punishment.

[JBH3]

Re: Physical Discipline........

There are far more effective ways of discipline.

I wouldn't be up in arms if someone gave their kid a soft but swift smack on the butt. I'm sure I'd catch myself doing it if I had a kid. But that goes away. Kids cry and then they forget.

I think it's more a matter of just caring and making sure to have yourself heard when they do something wrong. Most of the parents I see that have wild kids are lazy as parents. They'll say, "Oh, I just can't get him to stop doing that." Yet they never even try.

Nah...not really. Its important to discipline, but don't use your own hands. You don't want your kid being afraid of his father's own hands. Those are supposed to be inviting and caring. We use a wooden spoon most the time. At first we use to pull the undies and pants down and get wood on skin. Now all we do is just show it to Johnny, and he's straightening up and flying right as soon as he sees it.

My mother in-law would spank my wife w/ a wooden spoon that had "Spare the rod, Spoil the Child" engraved on it. We've taken the same wooden spoon approach sans the biblical phrasing.

My 3yr old son likes to play games more often than ever now. Its ok...most of the time I let him, and play along. Only around 8:30 PM, when it is bath time, and I tell him to go take a bath he gives an emphatic "No!" almost everytime. He wants me to go "Get Him", and play like this cat and mouse chase game. At this point my sights are set on (1) Cleaning up the kitchen, (2) Tidying up, and (3) Getting some mama/papa time. When he tells me no I tell him "I'm getting the spoon". He'll wait to see if I actually get it, and once he sees me with it, and headed towards him he takes off like a bat out of hell.

It is the MOST hilarious thing. Usually by that time I've gone to the foot of the stairs to make sure he has gone all the way up, and by the time I get to the foot of the stairs there is no one in sight and all I hear is a "kerplunk" of him basically diving into the bath tub to avoid getting a spanking. Hearing that sound makes me chuckle....

[JohnnytheSkin]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I didn't want to chime in, but here goes...

I was scared of my dad, spanked as a kid by both parents, usually with a paddle, and while my dad never struck me with his hands, my mom popped me when I mouthed off at 16. She remembers it as a positive, I remember it as a negative. In fact, from that moment on I never trusted my mom for a single thing, to this day, 12+ years later. We have a civil, if cool, relationship, and conversations are brief, short, and usually involve fighting (be it politics or my siblings' drama).

As for my son, I spanked him once, a solid hand swat on the butt about two years ago (he's almost seven). I will never, NEVER, hit him again. It was the worst feeling in the world, that being that I was at my wits end and didn't know what to do, how to get him to listen, and how to get him to behave, so I swatted him, like my parents before me. All it did was make him cry even worse, question why I hit him, why I acted that way, and it crushed me.

Physical attacks are never the answer. Ever. All the people saying "ooohhh, I was whipped with a belt and was fine" and the parents who say "I spank bare ***" or "with a spoon" or "without abandon when he doesn't listen" are just fooling themselves. Kids are fragile, precious things. I would NEVER whack my new three month old puppy with a magazine or paper, it's cruel and mean, why should I ever again hit my son...period.

There, my piece, dissect, criticize, whatever.

[Russell_SCEA]

Re: Physical Discipline........

My parents simply laid out the rules before we went out in public.

1. Don't touch anything.

2. Don't ask for anything.

3. If you do any one of the two, you getting checked right in the store.


For me growing up, we were taught not to socialize with adults. We weren't allowed to be in the same room when adults were talking. We weren't allowed to hold conversations with adults. We were taught kids are to be seen and not heard.

So other then hi, you didn't talk to adults 1st unless they asked you a question. Kids coversated with kids and adults with adults.

^ This me and my brother took some **** beat downs growing up. When I was to old to get spanked my dad would punch us one time in the lip when we messed up.

[Cusefan]

Re: Physical Discipline........

Here is my thinking, Spanking your kids shows a lack a self discipline, you are basically letting your emotions get the better of you or you just do not know any better. My Parents Never touched me out of anger and I grew up well adjusted. Now I do see a difference between spanking and taking the belt off. Unless you are really laying into the kid, Spanking is not going to mentally hurt a child.

Any Dog Trainer will tell you, you do not ever hit a dog if it misbehaves.The same rule applies to children, there are numerous ways to punish a child without striking it. That Kid in the Video obviously has gotten away with everything in his life now his mom is wondering, why is my child a _ing Monster.

[NDAlum]

Re: Physical Discipline........

Here is my thinking, Spanking your kids shows a lack a self discipline, you are basically letting your emotions get the better of you or you just do not know any better. My Parents Never touched me out of anger and I grew up well adjusted. Now I do see a difference between spanking and taking the belt off. Unless you are really laying into the kid, Spanking is not going to mentally hurt a child.

Any Dog Trainer will tell you, you do not ever hit a dog if it misbehaves.The same rule applies to children, there are numerous ways to punish a child without striking it. That Kid in the Video obviously has gotten away with everything in his life now his mom is wondering, why is my child a _ing Monster.

What does anger have to do with anything?
We're not talking about being abusive, just disciplining a child with a reasonable amount of force to correct a wrong action.
Dogs are not kids.

I agree with the kid in the video statement.

I think all of us in this thread have benefited at one point in time from physical discipline. I will put my money on all of us touching a hot stove and it burning us. I sure as hell knew not to touch the stove after that!

To each his own. I think physical discipline is acceptable, and others don't. I do have an issue with individuals throwing out blanket statements about physically disciplining children.

To quote the famous Dave Chapelle: "I don't come to your job and knock the broom out of your hand"

Raise your kids the way you want and mind your own business.

[slimm44]

Re: Physical Discipline........

Wouldn't it be awesome if people could have conversations like this, with completely differing opinions, all over OS without name-calling, insults, and the like?

to everyone who has participated in this discussion so far. To me, this is what a discussion board is all about.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I didn't want to chime in, but here goes...

I was scared of my dad, spanked as a kid by both parents, usually with a paddle, and while my dad never struck me with his hands, my mom popped me when I mouthed off at 16. She remembers it as a positive, I remember it as a negative. In fact, from that moment on I never trusted my mom for a single thing, to this day, 12+ years later. We have a civil, if cool, relationship, and conversations are brief, short, and usually involve fighting (be it politics or my siblings' drama).

As for my son, I spanked him once, a solid hand swat on the butt about two years ago (he's almost seven). I will never, NEVER, hit him again. It was the worst feeling in the world, that being that I was at my wits end and didn't know what to do, how to get him to listen, and how to get him to behave, so I swatted him, like my parents before me. All it did was make him cry even worse, question why I hit him, why I acted that way, and it crushed me.

Physical attacks are never the answer. Ever. All the people saying "ooohhh, I was whipped with a belt and was fine" and the parents who say "I spank bare ***" or "with a spoon" or "without abandon when he doesn't listen" are just fooling themselves. Kids are fragile, precious things. I would NEVER whack my new three month old puppy with a magazine or paper, it's cruel and mean, why should I ever again hit my son...period.

There, my piece, dissect, criticize, whatever.

The balance in all of this is to respect the fact that some may feel extremely uncomfortable spanking a child and probably shouldn't. You just have to respect each other's opinion on it. The language though needs to be a little clear in what is happening. These are not physical attacks or beatings (not in my case).

Just this morning I had a conversation with my 6 year old about punishment for misbehaving. He asked me if he would get a spanking for getting "below the line" at school. I told him no, that spankings are almost done for him and that he would face something of different consequence now, like not being able to play his Xbox.

I personally believe that parents should not be physically disciplining their kids into their pre-teen/teen years. By that time a respect should be established that ensures that the parents are directing the household and there are rules set in place by them that are to be understood and obeyed. If those rules are broken, there is consequence. I know for certain that taking away something like my son's Xbox time instills significant understanding that when we say to clean his room, he better do it.

[KG]

Re: Physical Discipline........

If spanking your child creates guilt with you I think it's more of an issue with you than the kid. My father never spanked me and I know a lot of fathers that don't out of fear of hurting the kid (heavy-handed or whatever).

At what age did you guys stop getting spankings? I honestly can't remember but I'm pretty sure it was after elementary school.

[JBH3]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I didn't want to chime in, but here goes...

I was scared of my dad, spanked as a kid by both parents, usually with a paddle, and while my dad never struck me with his hands, my mom popped me when I mouthed off at 16. She remembers it as a positive, I remember it as a negative. In fact, from that moment on I never trusted my mom for a single thing, to this day, 12+ years later. We have a civil, if cool, relationship, and conversations are brief, short, and usually involve fighting (be it politics or my siblings' drama).

As for my son, I spanked him once, a solid hand swat on the butt about two years ago (he's almost seven). I will never, NEVER, hit him again. It was the worst feeling in the world, that being that I was at my wits end and didn't know what to do, how to get him to listen, and how to get him to behave, so I swatted him, like my parents before me. All it did was make him cry even worse, question why I hit him, why I acted that way, and it crushed me.

Physical attacks are never the answer. Ever. All the people saying "ooohhh, I was whipped with a belt and was fine" and the parents who say "I spank bare ***" or "with a spoon" or "without abandon when he doesn't listen" are just fooling themselves. Kids are fragile, precious things. I would NEVER whack my new three month old puppy with a magazine or paper, it's cruel and mean, why should I ever again hit my son...period.

There, my piece, dissect, criticize, whatever.

IMO an attack is one thing, and a spanking is another. Its my opinion that perhaps given your personal history w/ your parents, and maybe the extremes that they went to...maybe you have a bleek view on physical discipline?

IMO physical discipline should only be used as a last resort. Of course I'm not going to spank my child if he/she doesn't stop crying in a store or in public. Spanking is only going to make them cry more, and is stupid/pointless in that situation. Just the other day I was in Target and Johnny saw the toy section, and wanted to go there. I told him we are not buying toys today, and he started crying/throwing a fit. In this instance, as I would in any other similar instance I took him aside, explained to him why we were in the store, and if he didn't understand I just let him cry till it was out of his system. I have no problem w/ letting him cry, and for those who like to stare I've got no problem confronting them either.

I only use physical discipline when my child blatantly disobeys me, tells me "no" when asked to do something or stop doing something, and the like. Even in those circumstances physical discipline is a last resort, and not the immediate go to.

Unlike you I was never really physically disciplined. My mom spanked w/ a yardstick a handful of times, but I never received discipline from my father. I needed it too...The Marine Corps discipline is the only thing that shaped me up.

Here is my thinking, Spanking your kids shows a lack a self discipline, you are basically letting your emotions get the better of you or you just do not know any better. My Parents Never touched me out of anger and I grew up well adjusted. Now I do see a difference between spanking and taking the belt off. Unless you are really laying into the kid, Spanking is not going to mentally hurt a child.

My child showing a lack of obedience towards me is not an emotion. One should never use physical discipline when angered because that is more/less abuse. My child does not know what is best for he/she, as their parent I do, and when this understanding is breached and no other means gets the point across physical discipline is warranted IMO.

[CMH]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I think it's more a matter of just caring and making sure to have yourself heard when they do something wrong. Most of the parents I see that have wild kids are lazy as parents. They'll say, "Oh, I just can't get him to stop doing that." Yet they never even try.

I still think my original post here says how I feel.

Whichever method a parent uses (so long as it's not abuse or unwarranted anger) can and will work if the parent is an active member of the child's life.

Everyone here is going to feel different methods work because those methods worked for them and worked for their children. And from what I have seen here on these boards, those same people seem to be the very active members in their children's lives (or had parents that were active members of their lives).

Lazy parents poorly raise. No amount of hitting or non hitting will change that.

[NDAlum]

Re: Physical Discipline........

I still think my original post here says how I feel.

Whichever method a parent uses (so long as it's not abuse or unwarranted anger) can and will work if the parent is an active member of the child's life.

Everyone here is going to feel different methods work because those methods worked for them and worked for their children. And from what I have seen here on these boards, those same people seem to be the very active members in their children's lives (or had parents that were active members of their lives).

Lazy parents poorly raise. No amount of hitting or non hitting will change that.

100% agree!

[JBH3]

Re: Physical Discipline........

100% agree!

Me too.

Spoiler

Damn Character Limits.

[Scottdau]

Re: Physical Discipline........

^ This me and my brother took some **** beat downs growing up. When I was to old to get spanked my dad would punch us one time in the lip when we messed up.

Is this a culture thing. I notice this happens more in certain cultures? I was never really hit as a kid, but I was good. Never got into trouble, because my brothers was a big time druggie and caused my parents hell, so I figured I need to be a good kid for them.