Worst Day of MY Life

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  • RoyalBoyle78
    Aka."Footballforever"
    • May 2003
    • 23918

    #391
    Re: Worst Day of MY Life

    Bullit, Still sending prayers always, your little girl still Lives through you and your Wife everyday. And I bet she is wanting you both to be happy, keeping being strong and Bless you and your wife.
    N.Y Mets
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    Miami Hurricanes


    Twitter - @RoyalBoyle78
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    Comment

    • Bullit
      Bacon is Better
      • Aug 2009
      • 5004

      #392
      Re: Worst Day of MY Life

      Today Cricket would be 22. Miss you deeply, Sunshine. My heart and soul still ache missing you. Though days sometimes are not so dark, not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts.
      Attached Files
      In Loving memory of my "Cricket" 1/2/96 - 11/19/2012

      My heart and soul hurt for your lost presence in my life.

      Comment

      • tdawg3782
        I hate you Norv
        • Nov 2003
        • 4803

        #393
        Re: Worst Day of MY Life

        Originally posted by Bullit
        Well today is something I did not expect. First let me give some background. My Cricket helped teach Sunday school at Church and her favorite class was the little kids, 5-10 years old. Out of any given month she would only attend the service itself once the rest of the time she would be teaching.

        When the shooting s happened in NewTown, Conn. my first image, almost instantly, was of my daughter waiting in Heaven for these poor children.

        So last night I had a dream of my Cricket. She was standing with a bunch of children next to a white school bus helping them get organized and on the buses. I got a chance to hold her tight and tell her I loved her and then I woke up.

        So you can interpret this any way you like as I know how I am interpreting it. My Cricket is safe and sound in Heaven, doing things she loved to do and helping other children. She knows that I love her and it will be ok. So today I have been crying alot and feel very fragile. But I also feel a little better and the world is not as dark as it was yesterday.

        Thank you
        I just stumbled on this thread and my God Bullit I am truly sorry that this happened. Thoughts and prayers going your way. Having kids myself makes what you've had to go through seem impossible. I couldn't even imagine. Yet you've been making your journey for 5+ years now. That is amazing to me and really an inspiration brother. Keep pushing on man. I day at a time.

        This post I quoted was amazing. I'm not a very emotional guy but I teared up like a baby reading that. I just wanted to say that you've always got support here on OS whenever you need it.

        Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

        Comment

        • Bullit
          Bacon is Better
          • Aug 2009
          • 5004

          #394
          Re: Worst Day of MY Life

          Originally posted by tdawg3782
          I just stumbled on this thread and my God Bullit I am truly sorry that this happened. Thoughts and prayers going your way. Having kids myself makes what you've had to go through seem impossible. I couldn't even imagine. Yet you've been making your journey for 5+ years now. That is amazing to me and really an inspiration brother. Keep pushing on man. I day at a time.

          This post I quoted was amazing. I'm not a very emotional guy but I teared up like a baby reading that. I just wanted to say that you've always got support here on OS whenever you need it.

          Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

          Thanks for the thoughts. My family here on OS deserves a good bit of credit for where I am today. A lot of you have been so supportive and here for me, it has been just an amazing thing. I appreciate you all so much.
          In Loving memory of my "Cricket" 1/2/96 - 11/19/2012

          My heart and soul hurt for your lost presence in my life.

          Comment

          • Bullit
            Bacon is Better
            • Aug 2009
            • 5004

            #395
            Re: Worst Day of MY Life

            10 years.

            10 years ago my life ended. I went to wake up my Daughter only to find that she had passed in the night. For a good bit after I struggled with Grief, Depression and Anxiety. I did ok in the beginning. Then my wife lest because I was getting too depressed over the loss of my Daughter and she did not want to live with the darkness anymore. So in the space of a few years I went from being happily married with 4 kids and 3 dogs to living alone with 2 dogs.

            I still held on. Even though somedays it literally felt like I was holding the last knot in the rope. I was able to keep the worst of the Depression at bay and live a somewhat enjoyable life.

            Then I had major car accident. This really did a lot of damage to me physically and long story short I ended up with addictions to several pain killers that did not mix well with my Depression and Anxiety meds. This addiction was finally "beaten" last year. But during the lockdowns and Covid everything really just fell apart for me.

            My health issues and Depression finally came to an almost tragic end this summer. After all was said and done I am now home after spending over a month in a Psychiatric Hospital for a complete mental breakdown.

            You see I never really dealt with my Daughter passing away. I locked it all inside. Pretending on the outside and going through all of the motions of life. But never really healing. The biggest lie of them all is the one we all tell ourselves at one point or another. That lie is "I'm fine" when nothing could be further from the truth. I was going through the motions of life. I was not living it. There was so much darkness and rage tucked away. eating at me. Being open and honest with myself now I can see how the Depression and Anxiety can so subtly eat at your soul and well being without you even really having a clue at how bad it is. I hurt a lot of people during this time. Both family and friends. A lot of it I truly don't even remember.

            10 years ago my life stopped. Completely.

            Today 10 years later I am healing. A lot of the Grief is coming back. But this time I am dealing with it. My health is good. I am finally sleeping again. I am loosing weight and more importantly I feel good. I feel better about myself now than I have in 10 years. I am in a safe place. Living with family and putting my life together. I have worked on mending fences with both friends and family both here on OS and in the real world. Heck I even started watching Baseball again. So there is light in my life again and dare I even say Hope?

            Thank you all for being here. There are a lot of folks on here who have always supported me and been my friend thru it all. Some I did not treat with the same curtesy and I have tried to make amends for that.
            I wish you all the best for the Holidays and hope maybe this finds somebody who needs to read it.

            My only advice is this. Be easier on yourself and more forgiving of others. You never know what road another is walking. A kind word can do a lot for someone struggling in the darkness alone.

            Love you all and thank you.

            Bullit
            Last edited by Bullit; 11-19-2022, 12:23 PM.
            In Loving memory of my "Cricket" 1/2/96 - 11/19/2012

            My heart and soul hurt for your lost presence in my life.

            Comment

            • Picci
              MVP
              • Feb 2003
              • 4517

              #396
              Re: Worst Day of MY Life

              So happy to hear you're in much better health Bullit. There's still so much to enjoy in life and I'm sure an angel is watching over you as you healed. May you find happiness and love during this holiday season and beyond.

              Peace and Love friend

              Comment

              • TheMatrix31
                RF
                • Jul 2002
                • 52929

                #397
                Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                We are always praying and pulling for you, man.

                They say time heals all wounds but I don't believe that. Those wounds are always there. But time also presents new situations and new life and new hope. And that helps us focus on what's next. I'm happy that that seems to be happening for you and I hope and pray that all your trials over the last 10 years can subside so you can rise and enjoy some positive and good.
                Last edited by TheMatrix31; 11-21-2022, 05:45 AM.

                Comment

                • Flightwhite24
                  Hall Of Fame
                  • Jul 2005
                  • 12095

                  #398
                  Worst Day of MY Life

                  Bullit, my man. As you know I lost my daughter in Dec 2018 and I went through a period from Dec-May 2022 and needed professional help to get my through that tough time. I’m so glad to hear you are working through this tough time.

                  I remember when your daughter passed and it was painful for me just reading your post, but never did I ever think that 6 years after Cricket’s passing would I lose Amari. I truly hate that this can be a part of being a parent for some. The pain is on a whole different level my friend.

                  Hang in there bro. We take it day by day from here on out as we have been doing. God Bless!




                  Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
                  The poster formerly know as "FLIGHTWHITE"

                  Comment

                  • TheMatrix31
                    RF
                    • Jul 2002
                    • 52929

                    #399
                    Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                    Originally posted by Flightwhite24
                    Bullit, my man. As you know I lost my daughter in Dec 2018 and I went through a period from Dec-May 2022 and needed professional help to get my through that tough time. I’m so glad to hear you are working through this tough time.

                    I remember when your daughter passed and it was painful for me just reading your post, but never did I ever think that 6 years after Cricket’s passing would I lose Amari. I truly hate that this can be a part of being a parent for some. The pain is on a whole different level my friend.

                    Hang in there bro. We take it day by day from here on out as we have been doing. God Bless!




                    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
                    We're with you too bro.

                    Comment

                    • Bullit
                      Bacon is Better
                      • Aug 2009
                      • 5004

                      #400
                      Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                      Originally posted by Flightwhite24
                      Bullit, my man. As you know I lost my daughter in Dec 2018 and I went through a period from Dec-May 2022 and needed professional help to get my through that tough time. I’m so glad to hear you are working through this tough time.

                      I remember when your daughter passed and it was painful for me just reading your post, but never did I ever think that 6 years after Cricket’s passing would I lose Amari. I truly hate that this can be a part of being a parent for some. The pain is on a whole different level my friend.

                      Hang in there bro. We take it day by day from here on out as we have been doing. God Bless!




                      Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
                      My friend I feel for you so much. This is a club that I hope no one ever has to become a member of. You have always been a good friend and I am here for you if you ever need to talk to another Father about your loss. There is a shortage of support for us out there and it really is a shame. You are in my thoughts a lot and prayers as well. Reach out if you need anything.

                      I hope you and yours have a good Holiday and that the good memories can win out this year.

                      Peace to you my friend
                      In Loving memory of my "Cricket" 1/2/96 - 11/19/2012

                      My heart and soul hurt for your lost presence in my life.

                      Comment

                      • Lieutenant Dan
                        All Star
                        • Sep 2007
                        • 5679

                        #401
                        Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                        Bullit, man it's been a long haul, 10 years! Wow.

                        I'm really proud of you and so inspired by your strength through all of this. I know you just posted about such major difficulties, especially thru the pandemic and your breakdown, but you're STILL HERE. You're doing what you need to do to heal and that's incredibly strong and inspiring.

                        We're always here for you man, this thread is always open for you and PM's if you prefer/need to.

                        God bless!
                        GO 'HAWKS!

                        OS Dibs: Anna Kendrick

                        Elite Dangerous on One X has become my life.

                        Proud PS5 and Xbox Series X Owner
                        "Best of Both Worlds"

                        Comment

                        • Lieutenant Dan
                          All Star
                          • Sep 2007
                          • 5679

                          #402
                          Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                          Originally posted by Flightwhite24
                          Bullit, my man. As you know I lost my daughter in Dec 2018 and I went through a period from Dec-May 2022 and needed professional help to get my through that tough time. I’m so glad to hear you are working through this tough time.

                          I remember when your daughter passed and it was painful for me just reading your post, but never did I ever think that 6 years after Cricket’s passing would I lose Amari. I truly hate that this can be a part of being a parent for some. The pain is on a whole different level my friend.

                          Hang in there bro. We take it day by day from here on out as we have been doing. God Bless!




                          Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
                          FLIGHT, been a minute...and man I'm so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you.
                          GO 'HAWKS!

                          OS Dibs: Anna Kendrick

                          Elite Dangerous on One X has become my life.

                          Proud PS5 and Xbox Series X Owner
                          "Best of Both Worlds"

                          Comment

                          • Flightwhite24
                            Hall Of Fame
                            • Jul 2005
                            • 12095

                            #403
                            Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                            Originally posted by Lieutenant Dan
                            FLIGHT, been a minute...and man I'm so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you.

                            I’m good man, thank you for checking in. After what Bullit and myself have went through, day by day is all we can do and hope and pray that others don’t experience this.

                            Thank you to the OS brothers and sisters.


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                            The poster formerly know as "FLIGHTWHITE"

                            Comment

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