Worst Day of MY Life

[Lieutenant Dan]

You and your family is an inspiration to all of us.

Hope the good days continue to outlast the bad days.

My feelings exactly, nice post Terry.

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[Paul Pierce_OS]

You and your family is an inspiration to all of us.

Hope the good days continue to outlast the bad days.

Same. I hope you can recover, losing any loved one is hard.

[roadman]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

My feelings exactly, nice post Terry.

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Thanks Dan, but I noticed in that post I ain't got no good English. lol

Changed it.

Heart was in the right place, brain wasn't.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well today is the 3 month anniversary of the day my Cricket passed away. I though I would post and give a little update on where I am at.

As expected there are good days and bad days. At this point it seems that I have more good days than bad days. Not one day goes by that I don't think about her and how much sadder my life is without her in it. But I go on because that is what I do. I don't know how I do make it thru somedays but I do. I think I said before that my resolve is to not let myself be overpowered by the pain It is ok to be overwhelmed sometimes just cant let it take over every facet of my life.

The Grief is like unexpected waves that just crash over you when you least expect it. I have learned to just try and breathe and let it it wash over me, knowing that it will pass eventually. My anxiety seems to be lessening as well. I think I have been able to hand a lot of that to God, knowing that I do what I can to live a long healthy life then what will be, will be. I still have some guilt and question myself sometimes that maybe I could have done something to stop this, but I know that I could not. My family doctor has looked over the ME report and even he has said that there was not one thing that pointed to this and that I could not have done anything.

I have actually started a paying job. I am a Chef and a friend of mine has started a catering company so I have been helping him get a couple of jobs done. Nothing full time yet but it is a start and is bringing in a little bit of desperately needed cash flow. We are still in counseling every week and I think I probably will be for a long time, but it helps and I like talking about things as it really seems to help.

One last thing that has helped and always been important to both Cricket and myself has been music. If any of you are country music fans check out
“Heartache that don’t stop hurting” by Jason Aldean. It has kind of become my them song for my life. Even if you don't like country music you should check it out if you want to have an idea of how I feel every day.

Well that is where I am at right at the moment. I will post more later. I have about reached my limit today and trying not to push it. Being more forgiving of myself and being easier on me is something else I have been working on. Thank you again everybody for all of you thoughts and prayers. My wife and I have re read this entire thread more than once and your kindness has been a big part of our ability to get thru this.

[roadman]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bullit:

Thanks so much for the update.

Happy to hear the good days are outnumbering the bad.

If I may, if there is one silver lining in the tragedy of Cricket's passing, down the road, you'll be able to help others who are going through the same feelings you and your family experienced.

Paying it forward.

Congrats on the job!

I'm so glad you have a song to identify with Cricket.

Our songs were "On Eagles Wings" played at the funeral and Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. The song just became popular and each time we heard it, we made a connection with those songs.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thanks so much for the update, Bryan; I was just about to hassle you for one

It sounds like you are moving in the right direction and getting on track. I still think about you and what you are going through every day.

[8]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thanks for the update Bullit. I don't post very often in this thread because, honestly there is not much I can add. But I do read it and want you to know you and your family are still in my thoughts and prayers. Also if it helps at all I just want you to know that what you're going through has taught me not to take a minute for granted with my 2 year old daughter.

[jmik58]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thanks for the update Bullit. I don't post very often in this thread because, honestly there is not much I can add. But I do read it and want you to know you and your family are still in my thoughts and prayers. Also if it helps at all I just want you to know that what you're going through has taught me not to take a minute for granted with my 2 year old daughter.

I'd like to tag onto what King88 said. First of all, it's very admirable of you to share your story with us. I know it can't be easy, but I hope it's therapeutic at the same time.

I have three sons between the ages of 7 and 1 1/2 and your testamony is a solid reminder that I need to be the best dad I can be for them because it's what they deserve and the legacy I want to leave.

We're all rooting for you and your family.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Today is a very hard day for me.

As some of you know my daughter and I shared a love of baseball. It was something we have always shared. We have seen so many games and traveled up and down the east coast seeing as many new parks as we could. You can probable track my posts and find many talking about our experiences with baseball both real and digital.

Every March was a holiday for us. As the release of The Show would get get closer we would always be shouting out how many days were left. When the day or midnight release came upon us it was a day off from work and school for a day of baseball. We would ooh and aaahh over new features and graphics. Wonder how these wizards could make it better every year.

So today I hurt and I am very sad. I am waiting patiently for 10 o'clock to get my copy of The Show. The tears have been falling all morning and I am missing my daughter very much. I am looking forward to this years game very much, but the other part of me doesn't want it to come as it is just another reminder of the emptiness in my heart.

For those of you out there that are as big baseball fans as we are play a game with your kids, go out and have a catch, teach your daughter to throw. Even if she doesn't like sports the first time a boy see's her throw and not like a girl she will thank you. For those of you that play The Show, my daughers name was Shea and she was a huge Mets fan so play a game in Shea Stadium and think of my wonderful little girl. (side not she was not named after the stadium, just a happy coincidence)

Thought I would share this pic. Cleveland was one of the last parks we went to and one of my favorite pics of her

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Today is a very hard day for me.

As some of you know my daughter and I shared a love of baseball. It was something we have always shared. We have seen so many games and traveled up and down the east coast seeing as many new parks as we could. You can probable track my posts and find many talking about our experiences with baseball both real and digital.

Every March was a holiday for us. As the release of The Show would get get closer we would always be shouting out how many days were left. When the day or midnight release came upon us it was a day off from work and school for a day of baseball. We would ooh and aaahh over new features and graphics. Wonder how these wizards could make it better every year.

So today I hurt and I am very sad. I am waiting patiently for 10 o'clock to get my copy of The Show. The tears have been falling all morning and I am missing my daughter very much. I am looking forward to this years game very much, but the other part of me doesn't want it to come as it is just another reminder of the emptiness in my heart.

For those of you out there that are as big baseball fans as we are play a game with your kids, go out and have a catch, teach your daughter to throw. Even if she doesn't like sports the first time a boy see's her throw and not like a girl she will thank you. For those of you that play The Show, my daughers name was Shea and she was a huge Mets fan so play a game in Shea Stadium and think of my wonderful little girl. (side not she was not named after the stadium, just a happy coincidence)

Thought I would share this pic. Cleveland was one of the last parks we went to and one of my favorite pics of her

Great post, Bryan. I knew from our conversations and your posts here that this would be a tough day for you in this way. It's something that really bonded you two. You can bet she's still excited to see The Show, though...through your eyes.

It'll be a mixed day for you today, but I think once you boot up the game (and suffer through the day 1 install and updates, zzzzzzzzz) you'll still feel the magic again; just differently.

I'm going at 10 to get mine, too. Keep your pitches out of my wheelhouse when we play...

[DaveDQ]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Man..this is very touching. That was a great writing about you and your daughter. Beautiful picture.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

So its been four months since my daughter passed away. I have been doing a little better on most days. I am slowly, I think, coming to terms with my grief. It is amazing the power that our minds have to both make us sicker and now I hope to help heal.

My job with a my friends catering company has kind of fizzled out due to lack of business. But I had an interview yesterday and another next week.

The only thing I am really still struggling with is my anxiety and stress over it all. My anxiety is over my own health, having my 16 year old die in her sleep with know real symptoms of illness, how can I possibly survive. I have been checked out early on in this journey and have been told I am healthy(just need to loose some weight) so it is really just a matter of coming to grips. I am in counseling and she says I am doing really well.

At four months I still hurt, physically and emotionally. But I am learning that is ok. I have to be easier on myself. This is going to be a long road I have to walk without my daughter. Luckily I have a wonderful wife who had the patience of a saint. Three wonderful step kids that I love. They don't replace Shea and they don't try. It is ok for me to still hurt, it is ok for me to miss her and i still don't understand.

But my life is starting to move on a bit. I am off the couch on most days and starting to move. I am even exercising a bit and trying to move forward so that in itself is a good sign I am told.

Thank you again. All of you have been wonderful and having OS to come to and talk has been very helpful. You all are great bunch of folks and I appreciate you so much as does my whole family.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Perfect timing on your post, Bryan. I was going to nag you today for an update lol.

I'm glad you're still moving forward. Counseling, exercise, interviews, your continued writing (I hope), and support from those around you and afar.

Great to hear, man...and thank you for updating us. We are always here for you

[PVarck31]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Happy Birthday buddy!

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thank you very much. Struggling a bit today. Miss her so much.