Worst Day of MY Life

[Lieutenant Dan]

Happy birthday Bryan! Try to make the best of it, man. I'm sure she is thinking of you and hoping you will do something to celebrate.

[roadman]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Happy Birthday!

Sounds like the counseling is helping you.

It's a blessing to have supporting family and friends around you.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thanks for the birthday wishes guys. Made it thru the day. Cooked up some pork ribs, my favorite, and just had some quiet time around the house.

We did go to Church and it was a very nice service, my wifes kids came up and and hung around. I did not have as much of a problem as I thought i would. Night time was a little different, I had an anxiety attack going to sleep so I did not sleep very well.

Thanks for being here guys I really appreciate you all

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well guys we past the 5 month mark. Things have been going a little better lately. I have actually found a real job and started it last week.

I still have my moments that the Grief seems to come in waves. But the waves are seeming to be coming farther and farther apart. I don't know how I made it this far. But I am very thankful for my friends here on OS, my family, and to honest the love for and of my daughter. I miss her very much and I know that I always will. But I know that I was blessed to have her in my life, even if it was for only that short amount of time. If the pain that I have to bear is the price for having had her in my life then I will bear it. Not happily and definitely with regret but I will bear it. Some day I will be with her again and all will be back to the way it should be. Until then I will live my life and think of her often. ( Actually every day )

I have started to move. Positive thinking, my counselors and my wife have helped me get a handle on my anxiety. I have not had to take any of my anxiety meds in probably a month or so. Things are beginning to look like some semblance of life again. Not the life I had planned, but the life I have to live.

Again I thank you all of my OS family for all of your help and support thru this most difficult time. I appreciate you all so much and I hope you all know that you have made a difference in our lives.

Bullit

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hey Guys,

Just passed the 6 month mark.My new job is going well and keeping me very busy. Good days are still out numbering the bad days, but some of the bad days are still really tough to get thru. Somedays are like waves of grief that I can float thru and ride out. Other days are like Tsunamis that just pound and pound til it feels like I just cant go on.

Counseling is going well and everyone says I am doing well. Doctors and family and friends all say I am on the right track. My wife says she see's signs of the old Bullit she remembers. Walking more upright and a shine in my eyes more often.

I am kind of dreading Fathers Day, not looking forward to another thing that I don't get to do with my Cricket. Still have not been able to go to a ball game this year.

But over all I think I am hanging in there and trying to keep moving. Thanks for letting me have my space, I really appreciate you guys.

[Happy29]

Hey Guys,

Just passed the 6 month mark.My new job is going well and keeping me very busy. Good days are still out numbering the bad days, but some of the bad days are still really tough to get thru. Somedays are like waves of grief that I can float thru and ride out. Other days are like Tsunamis that just pound and pound til it feels like I just cant go on.

Counseling is going well and everyone says I am doing well. Doctors and family and friends all say I am on the right track. My wife says she see's signs of the old Bullit she remembers. Walking more upright and a shine in my eyes more often.

I am kind of dreading Fathers Day, not looking forward to another thing that I don't get to do with my Cricket. Still have not been able to go to a ball game this year.

But over all I think I am hanging in there and trying to keep moving. Thanks for letting me have my space, I really appreciate you guys.

I'm praying for you Bullit. I feel your pain the 28th of this month will mark 8 years since my daughter passed. I can tell you that as time goes by those good days do increase in frequency. I'm here anytime you need something buddy.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Good Morning Guys,

Today is the 9 month mark since the passing of my daughter. Things have been kind of tough lately and I have been missing her more and more. With school starting back up I just realizing all of the things we wont get to do together anymore. This would have been her senior year in High School and the planning for University would have been begun. About a week ago I was at Target and ran into some of her friends, which I believe is what started this current wave of Grief.

It is not all darkness and misery. I have had good days and I have been offered a new job and will be starting that really soon. I haven't been able to go to a baseball game yet but I am doing ok. Its just that some times the grief and pain just come along and build up for a little while and then they pass. But on that note there is not a day that doesn't go by that I don't miss her and think of her beautiful smile and wish that I could hold her one more time.

So all and all I would say (and my counselor does say) that I am doing ok. I don't need my anxiety meds every day and until this weekend it had been about a month and a half since I had taken any. I still journal almost everyday and try to keep a good outlook on a daily basis. Sometimes that is not so easy but I try.

Thank you all again for letting me have this place to talk and find some peace. I appreciate all of the notes and pm's keeping an "eye" on me. OS has meant a lot to me and my family.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hey Bryan,

I'm glad you posted an update, thank you. Speaking of PM's, I was just about to rattle your cage and see how you were doing these days.

It does sound like you are doing as well as can be expected. She was so lucky to have you for a father. That's quite a bond that you two have built over the years and lots of love, so there is no surprise in it taking time on the other side of this as well.

We are always here for you, bro....and you know this by now Thanks again for updating and I'll still be checking in on you.

[Qb]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Good to hear, Bryan.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

It was really nice to read this. I think it's great that you are running a journal and writing things down. Just in your last post I see a peace that you are receiving. You could even say this thread is a journal as I'm sure we would all see the differences in your posts from start to present.

I have to say that you are a remarkable man for staying on course.

[buickbeast]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

We're here for you Bryan!

[Jr.]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

It's great to come in here and see your updates Bryan. It's amazing how strong you've been throughout this and you've definitely been an inspiration to me. Keep on keepin' on buddy.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well today has already been a rough day. I have not felt this fragile in a while. Here it is the first day of school and hearing all of the school busses and knowing that my wonderful Cricket will not be starting her senior year is just breaking my heart all over again.

Thankfully I am off from my new job today and can just kind of chill on the couch. I miss her so much and some days it is just really hard to go on without her. I always will but boy, it is really hard sometimes. Without her smile and laughter my world is just definitely a darker place.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers. My wife and I read thru all of these posts pretty often and all of your kind words really help.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bro hug for ya, man You've been going through this long enough to know about the good days/bad days. I was concerned that you'd have a bad one around now with school starting, I'm sorry.

I say it a lot, but I'm REALLY glad to see you continue to post in here, and it's especially important when those bad days come along to post it and let the community help carry you through a bit.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bro hug for ya, man You've been going through this long enough to know about the good days/bad days. I was concerned that you'd have a bad one around now with school starting, I'm sorry.

I say it a lot, but I'm REALLY glad to see you continue to post in here, and it's especially important when those bad days come along to post it and let the community help carry you through a bit.

Thanks Dan, it really helps knowing you all are here. I appreciate you so much.