Worst Day of MY Life

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well folks just thought I would give a quick update. Having an up and down kind of week. Some days are ok and others I can hardly pull myself out of bed. Sometimes I just feel like I am going to pass out and that I have this huge knot in my chest and my whole body hurts. My doctor prescribed me Ativan but I have only been taking it when I really need to. They say these are anxiety attacks but to me the feel more like grief attacks. I know they say time heals but it sure doesn't feel like it some days. I am still going to counseling every week and writing in my journal. I am also trying to get more active, as a matter of fact I just got back from a walk before the snow hits.

Thank you all and take care.

It's still recent history, Bryan. You keep doing what you need to do.

I think, considering the tone of your earlier posts, that you are making definite headway. I'm certainly proud of how you're doing, and proud to be numbered among your friends.

[slickdtc]

It takes time to come out of a funk. Life's pressures are enough to make us crack, and to throw in the sudden death of your daughter... It just takes time. And some days are better than others. Expressing your days of weakness are just as important as recognizing your days of strength.

[roadman]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well folks just thought I would give a quick update. Having an up and down kind of week. Some days are ok and others I can hardly pull myself out of bed. Sometimes I just feel like I am going to pass out and that I have this huge knot in my chest and my whole body hurts. My doctor prescribed me Ativan but I have only been taking it when I really need to. They say these are anxiety attacks but to me the feel more like grief attacks. I know they say time heals but it sure doesn't feel like it some days. I am still going to counseling every week and writing in my journal. I am also trying to get more active, as a matter of fact I just got back from a walk before the snow hits.

Thank you all and take care.

Understand how you feel, Bullit.

I may sound like a broken record, but based on my experience, you will experience rainy, cloudy and sunny days in intervals.

Also, another thing that is difficult to get through. People grieve at different times. I was up on one day and my wife was crying her eyes out the same day. I was crying one day and my wife would be upbeat.

The bottomline with that, we supported each other and held each other.

That was probably the most difficult issue for me to overcome was grieving at different times than my spouse.

Support each other.

I know when we went through our ordeal, there wasn't many male/father self-help books. It's been 22 years, so, maybe that area has changed.

The support group helped us a great deal and I hope it helps you and your family as much as it did ours.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well another Monday has come along and this one sucks big. Chest hurts and then the anxiety sets in. And now the tears just wont stop. Not today. The world is just going to have to get by without me today.

I know that this to will pass and this is just one of the bad days that I will have, that's ok and I know there will be more. But today it hurts and its dark and the tears will fall. I miss my Cricket and I always will. Today I just hurt more than I normally do. Tomorrow will be another day.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

It's all right, man....the bad days will happen. You recognize it though and while it's hard, you seem to deal just a little better each time.

Bro-hug sent your way, Bryan. Cheers to your Cricket and to you.

Keep on posting...we are always here for you.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Just keep communicating what you are feeling and don't feel bad about it. This is a safe place to do that.

This is not something that will ever go away. I do not say that to be discouraging, but you lost your daughter. That is something that when life plays out naturally, shouldn't happen.

I am not saying that you won't heal, but right now this is a huge wound. If you walked away from it carrying a tight smile and acting like you were ok, I'd be very concerned. It's all a reminder that life can be extremely painful and unexplained.

But we will keep praying and thinking of you. I read everything you write and then what others write. Some of you guys have put down some quality advice and shown real concern.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Posted this on a site called the Grieving Dads Project, just thought I would share it here. I have really felt a calling to write (thanks Dan) and remedy the lack of support for Fathers and have started writing, I don't know if it s going to be a book or blog or pamphlet for that matter but we will see, Thanks all


I have been looking for days for a site for a Dad dealing with the loss of a child.

My 16 year old daughter passed away without warning on November 19 2012 and the nightmare began. I have found support with different groups and people but as we all know, we are the only ones that can understand what we are going thru. Unless you have lost a child this pain, this darkness, this life is not something that any can understand.

I searched the internet trying to find anything that would help me cope. There had to be something that would explain why my chest hurt, why my whole body was one big knot, why I could not breathe or sleep or eat. In my last search I found over 3,000 websites or blogs for mothers who have lost children, really try it.

Now I don't want to take away anything from anybody. But until recently I was a single father, I do not need a mothers point of view. I needed something to help me. I did not give birth to her but I changed the diapers, I did the feedings, I drove the car at 2am because that was all that would put her to sleep. I bought her first bra, helped do her make up at her first formal. I did it all. So where was my help, my guidance?

I have started my own journal, and have felt the calling that this needs to be remedied. So maybe someday I will have the book or blog whatever it ends up being, so that another Dad can find a path thru this. Know that it is ok to cry, scream, be mad, rage at the world and feel like you just want to die because it doesn't matter anymore. Know that it is ok to go to work when you just want to lay in bed and sob. That is ok to if you don't want to go to work and stay home and sob. That there is no right way to grieve and if what you are doing is right for you, well guess what? Then it is the right way for you. There is no time limit on this. We will always feel the pain, the emptiness, the darkness. But we will go on, somehow, someway.

My daughter is safe and sound in Heaven, wrapped in love and happiness. Isn't this what every father wants. It just hurts that it is not my arms that hold her, not my arms that keep her safe.Not my ears that hear her laughter or my eyes that see her smile. But one day I will and that is the day that I LIVE for.

Peace to you all

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Posted this on a site called the Grieving Dads Project, just thought I would share it here. I have really felt a calling to write (thanks Dan) and remedy the lack of support for Fathers and have started writing, I don't know if it s going to be a book or blog or pamphlet for that matter but we will see, Thanks all


I have been looking for days for a site for a Dad dealing with the loss of a child.

My 16 year old daughter passed away without warning on November 19 2012 and the nightmare began. I have found support with different groups and people but as we all know, we are the only ones that can understand what we are going thru. Unless you have lost a child this pain, this darkness, this life is not something that any can understand.

I searched the internet trying to find anything that would help me cope. There had to be something that would explain why my chest hurt, why my whole body was one big knot, why I could not breathe or sleep or eat. In my last search I found over 3,000 websites or blogs for mothers who have lost children, really try it.

Now I don't want to take away anything from anybody. But until recently I was a single father, I do not need a mothers point of view. I needed something to help me. I did not give birth to her but I changed the diapers, I did the feedings, I drove the car at 2am because that was all that would put her to sleep. I bought her first bra, helped do her make up at her first formal. I did it all. So where was my help, my guidance?

I have started my own journal, and have felt the calling that this needs to be remedied. So maybe someday I will have the book or blog whatever it ends up being, so that another Dad can find a path thru this. Know that it is ok to cry, scream, be mad, rage at the world and feel like you just want to die because it doesn't matter anymore. Know that it is ok to go to work when you just want to lay in bed and sob. That is ok to if you don't want to go to work and stay home and sob. That there is no right way to grieve and if what you are doing is right for you, well guess what? Then it is the right way for you. There is no time limit on this. We will always feel the pain, the emptiness, the darkness. But we will go on, somehow, someway.

My daughter is safe and sound in Heaven, wrapped in love and happiness. Isn't this what every father wants. It just hurts that it is not my arms that hold her, not my arms that keep her safe.Not my ears that hear her laughter or my eyes that see her smile. But one day I will and that is the day that I LIVE for.

Peace to you all

Wow, that's great Bryan. I think a blog and/or a book to help others is a phenomenal idea. It's a brave move because of the exposure, but imagine if you write it and it helps even ONE grieving father get through his experience?

I think you already know what your daughter would say...

God bless, man. It's a noble mission.

[ubernoob]

Beautiful. Writing is an excellent outlet and even better if it can help someone else in your process.

[roadman]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

That is a noble, noteworthy cause, Bullit. Not only does it help you, but it helps others too.

I guess things haven't changed in 22 years on that note.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Good stuff, bullit.

[Dog]

Hey man I just found this thread. I'm so glad that OS as a community can come together like this.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

How we doing, Bullit?

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hey guys thanks for checking on me. Things have been kind of up and down lately. Having good days and bad days as expected. To be honest of late there have been a few more good days than bad. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life.

What really caught me off guard was the physical pain and the anxiety. At times my whole body just feels like it is tied into one big knot. Everything seems to ache and it feels like part of me is just always expecting something else bad to happen. Sometimes sleep has been difficult, like now it is currently 3am. But I am holding on, sometimes just by my finger tips but I am holding on.

I really appreciate you all and thanks for being here for me.

[roadman]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

You and your family are an inspiration to all of us.

Hope the good days continue to outlast the bad days.