Worst Day of MY Life

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

That's tough man. Hope things get better soon.

[nc0ffey]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

One day at a time Bullit. Still praying and thinking about you, man.

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[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

4 years. Yeah it has been 4 years since my wonderful daughter passed. This has been, honestly, the longest and darkest road that I have had to walk. Not a single day goes by without a thought of her and the pain, while less, has never really gone away.

So where am I today. Well divorced for one. The wife decided that she could not deal with this life anymore and decided to move on. I bear her no ill will and hope that she can find a life that makes her happy. She is a good person and I wish her the best. Of course I had to sell the house in the divorce, So I moved into a small apartment in town with my dogs and I am "starting' my new life. Such that it is. I am trying to scrape some money together to buy back a Jeep after selling mine to get thru the last winter with bill and expenses.

I have started a few little projects of my own to make some money and keep myself occupied. Of course I still work with my best friend at the comic book store. I am not looking for another career or a full time workload. I just want to make enough to cover my expenses and live my life comfortably.

So I look to the future and another year without my daughter. I am stronger than I have ever been. But there are still days that I struggle to get thru a day. I still compare the grief to be like waves in the ocean. Sometimes they are gentle currents that you can just bob along and continue with your day. Memories come and go and the remembering of times is not quite so bitter. But then other times the wave are like a Tsunami that just beats you into the dirt, making hard to even breath and they just pound and pound until you don't think you can live even one more minute. Thankfully those times are getting farther and farther apart.

Reading back thru the 4 years of this thread. I realize how blessed I have been to have OS and you all in my corner. I hope you all realize how much having this space and you all to talk to has helped my get thru this. Especially in the beginning, the support you all have shown me meant a lot and gave me more strength than I even realized at the time. Even today knowing that I have people here that care and that I know if I had to I could reach out and find a voice to talk to, to not feel so alone and hopeless. Someone on here would always be around. So thank you all again, for this space and your thoughts and time to be a brighter part of this dark road I have found myself on.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

January 2nd 2017. Today my little girl would be 21 years old.

These are the kind of things that hurt the most now. The could have beens that are now never will be's.

Im doing ok, just feel really fragile today and missing her a lot. I will continue the tradition of going to the movies on this day. But this is a rough way to start the year, which is why I don't make any plans until the 3rd to move forward from the holidays.

Thanks you all. Hope you and yours had a wonderful holiday.

[countryboy]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

You are in my thoughts and prayers today my friend.


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[kac]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Sorry about your little girl and Pray God gives you strength.

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[CWSapp757]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I think about this thread a lot especially now that I have a two year old little girl. I remember reading it to my mother. I remember commenting here. I remember not being able to imagine how you must feel.

Just know that the same things that were posted years ago still go. We still love you and still here for you if you need to talk. As a matter of fact I saw that you work at a comic store. If you are still in the same area let me know which store and maybe I can come check you out some time man.

[cable guy]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I just saw this thread. I am so, so sorry this has happened.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I just saw this thread. I am so, so sorry this has happened.

Thank you.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

So here I am. November is the 5 year anniversary of the day my Cricket passed and the most difficult road that I have ever walked got laid out before me.

I am thankful for all of the blessings I have had in my life since this fateful day. Though sometimes I did not see them until much later. I have made many friends both on and off this site and the support from you folks here on OS has been a big part of my survival thru this. Most days have been a struggle especially at the beginning. But here I stand 5 years later, a very changed man.

This is the year that has seen the biggest changes in my attitude and overall wellness and mental health. I am off all of my depression and anxiety meds, as well as those for high blood pressure and a couple of others. I have started working out and slowly but surely I am loosing weight and improving myself physically. Since my divorce, yes the wife left two years ago. She felt that I was too depressed over the loss of my only child and she did not want to live with that darkness anymore. Well good ridance. I have been healing so much faster without her negativity and drama adding to my issues.

This past two years has been a struggle though and that is no lie. This was really the first years that I have had to deal with everything alone. From Christmas, Birthdays, Holidays etc. This was really the first time in almost twenty + years that I have been alone. This was really hard to deal with. But again with support of friends, counseling and the Lords grace I feel that I am finally coming out the other side of this.

I would not say that I am happy in my life right now. But I can say that I have learned to be more forgiving of myself and others. I have also found some peace in my heart and in my soul. My Cricket is still the first and last thoughts of my day. Some days are harder that others and it will probably always be this way. But I can live now, with my head up and peace in my heart. I can go on now with a look more to the future and what it may bring. Someday I know that I will get called to be with my daughter and until that time, I have found a little purpose to get up for in the morning.

To those of you that have stood by me through all of this. I love you all. I am eternally grateful for your faith in me. To those that have bailed thru years, I hope you find peace for yourselves and I pray you never learn the lessons I have learned and if by some tragedy you do, I hope you find better people than your were to me to help you thru.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thanks for posting this update Bryan. Given where you started in this process you have traveled a thousand miles my friend. I can't tell you how proud I am of you. You have much more strength than you realize and have always recognized your feelings so you could work to deal with them as best as you are able.

You're the best of us around here. We are still here for you.

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[PVarck31]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Keep on going man. She would want you to live your life. And you'll always have us.

[moose1619]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Praying for you!


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[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thanks guys. Thought i would post this on the actual day. Miss my Cricket.

[Hockeynut99]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Glad things are getting a little better. When I loss my brother 19 years ago it put me in a major depression. May God give you strength.