Worst Day of MY Life

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hey Bullit have you considered putting up a gofundme page?

I don't know if I could do that. I have never taken help well. I know I need some help right now. But I don't know?

I'm struggling sure, might loose my house, car etc. But how can I ask strangers for help. Plus I don't think I want everything to be public knowledge.

Really struggling though. Every box I pack or open I find memories of Cricket. I just don't know how much I can take right now.

[GaryT531]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I second the GoFundMe idea. It can only help, and it will help. definitely worth the attempt.

[Picci]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I usually don't come into this area of the thread but I noticed your post prior to mine in giving sympathies to MK's loss. I'm also truly sorry for your loss Bullit for which I had no idea what you recently went through. There are no words but words of hope and prayers for you. Especially during this time of the season.

If I can also say that some healthcare services do offer additional services which is covered in some health plans which you may or may not know. A friend of mine also went through a similar circumstance and found comfort through group sessions, talking with others.

Prayers for you Bullit. Hang in there, and God bless.

[jeremym480]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bryan, have you considered talking to someone at one of your local churches?

I'm not incredibly religious myself however, I'm sure that there's people there who could help you right now both emotionally and financially. I know the church that I go to has small groups to help people who are dealing with things like you're going through, so maybe that's an avenue to consider (assuming that you haven't already).

No matter what happens just keep your head up man. I know you've had a rough go of it, but I'm sure things will get better. You will be in my prayers.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thanks for the kind words folks.

I have lunch with a Pastor every week, I go to a group session and have one on ones with a Therapist every other week. So I think all of those bases are covered.

Sorry if I seem so dark lately everybody. I am just struggling between, the time of year, missing my Cricket, the wife bailing on me, finances and starting my business. It is just a lot and some days I just feel really overwhelmed.

I am actually doing ok, all things considered and just trying to make it to January 3rd and then I can focus on 2016.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I hurt so much right now. I mean all the way down into my soul.

The wife moved out on the 19th and a week from today is Crickets birthday.

I just don't know where I find the strength to get up everyday. I am not sure how much I have left in the tank right now.

Sold my car to cover the bills for the next few months and the house goes on the market in January.

My new business is starting to build so I am happy about that. Probably moving slower than I should but I am just trying not to overwhelm myself and hurt the business in the long run. I am trying to just take a client or two at a time really don't want to bight off more than I can chew right now.

Hope you all had/have wonderful holidays. I love seeing all of the pics your guys post, but only in small doses.

Love you all

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I liked your post mainly because I am ALWAYS glad to see you posting, but also because I am thrilled for you that your business is moving forward. Congratulations, Bryan! You've got a helluva fortitude to start a business in the first place, let alone dealing with the subject of all this.

I do believe you are, along with my wife, the toughest, most resilient and bravest person I know. You and my wife could have quite the conversation about the Good Lord overloading your plate like you were at a Southern buffet.

Don't even wonder HOW you are getting up every morning, just keep doing it man, and keep posting here as frequently as you need to; even if it isn't to say much one way or the other.

I love ya too, Bryan.

[longshadow11]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hi Bryan. You are in my thoughts every single day. Just want you to know that. And I pray for you every night. I know there are people here at OS and out there in the world who think of you and wish you the very best. If you ever need anything at all send me a message.

[Darkleaf]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts, I know your girl's birthday is coming up, I hope you can stay strong through this time.

You are an inspiration to me personally, I know for a fact I could not be half as strong as you. Whenever I feel down about whatever stupid life thing, I think of you and how meaningless my problems are.
I hope you are taking care of yourself, as men when things like this (recent) thing happen we stop caring for ourselves and our health can suffer.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well today is Crickets birthday. Today she would have been 20. Halfway thru her sophomore year at University and well on the way to becoming the woman I hoped she would be.

For the first time since her passing I actually managed to leave the house. Shea loved the movies and I finally have just had enough. I went and saw the new Star Wars movie and had a really nice morning. I went really early so there were only like 5 people in the theater so that was nice. Really great movie and I felt her presence for the first time in a very long while. So this will be my new thing for her birthday from now on.

On a life note, things are getting pretty rough. My business that was going smoothly has basically collapsed in a week. I had two clients which was plenty for right now and I lost them both this week. One got transferred and the other developed some medical issues and had to be put on a monitored diet. So now I have no money coming in at all.

In the coming week it is time to start selling some more stuff. Will probably start with my comic book collection and assorted statues and collectibles. While I hate to see them go, having food, gas and power is a little more of a requirement. I am sure I can find some new clients soon but it takes work,gas, phone and internet to get them. At least I had stocked up on dog food before everything went upside down so the puppies are happy.

But I have made it thru another year and it can't get much harder than it has already been. Hope you guys have had a great holiday and I wish you all the best.

[PVarck31]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bullit, have you thought about checking into getting public assistance? I know there is a stigma to it, but there is no shame in it if you need help.

If it wasn't for that we would have been homeless a couple of times. For the people who truly need it, its a great thing that can help you get through till things get better.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bullit, have you thought about checking into getting public assistance? I know there is a stigma to it, but there is no shame in it if you need help.

If it wasn't for that we would have been homeless a couple of times. For the people who truly need it, its a great thing that can help you get through till things get better.

I gotta second this, though I know you are a proud guy, because I am the same way.

Having said that, I really liked your story about going to Star Wars and it sounded like she attended as well, in spirit. I think that's awesome.

Happy New Year, Bryan (bro hug)

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thanks for the advice guys. The problem is we are not divorced yet so "we" make too much money. To be honest by the time all of the paperwork went thru I would probably be alright anyway.

I sold my car and picked up a really decent used truck so I do have a safety net if things get too ugly. Just frustrated, tired and stressed. Seems like every time I think things are looking up, I get kicked again.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Honestly.

I am really not sure how I am doing. Things are moving along I guess. House should be up for sale this week. Packing and going thru things again has been hard. I am trying to decrease the clutter in my life so a lot
of things have been donated or thrown away. Going thru Shea's things again has not been easy.The business I was trying to get off the ground has floundered a bit. Lost the clients I had, through no fault of anybodies and
I have been struggling to find new ones. Money is not far from becoming and issue with all of the household bills and very little income coming in.

On the other hand I don't feel like the depression is coming back. I am fairly active I guess. Eating right and still trying to loose the weight I have gained over the last three years. I am just simply trying to survive right now. But some days are really a struggle. The weather hasn't helped. With over a foot of snow it has been near impossible to get out and get things done. Maybe its all just cabin fever.

Well take care. I hope you all are having a good winter.

25 days until the first Pitchers and Catchers report! Really need the hope that a new season brings.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Man packing up and going thru things again. I came across a box with no label and without thinking I just tore it open.

It was filled with Shea's baseball hats and t-shirts. I could smell her as soon as I opened the box. This has just brought me to my knees. This is so hard to do again and by myself. I am just done today, no more. Today the grief wins.