Worst Day of MY Life

[Blzer]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hold on, Bullit! I come in here periodically to check up on you, but I can't ever find right words to say. They never translate well over text.

After my dad unexpectedly went last August, I didn't think time could heal anything before, and I still don't now... because I'm sitting and thinking about the things we had planned, or I had planned for him, or he had planned for me, or events in my life he was supposed to witness, or conversations we were supposed to have, etc. That can never be healed. I got re-reminded that time of the year, and I will again around the holidays. There is plenty of hurt inside, and I don't feel like I'm allowed to bring it out constantly so I just mask up and go about my day.

Though my work days keep me pretty occupied and distracted as a teacher. The more I can be of a father figure to my students, the more I'm accepting the role in his stead and saying that life has decided upon a course for me that will leave his legacy intact. I hope you can find that niche which brings you vicariousness to keep spirits up rather than bring them down.

Even yet still, I can't believe it has almost been three years for you. I really do think time can do some things for us, even if it can't do other things. But, as long as you keep posting here I will keep listening. Hang in there and let us be there for you in any way possible!

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Really struggling guys. This time is always tough and without my wife to talk to everything seems even more empty.

Trying to find a new counselor, new church as well. But today is just a struggle to even function. Have to work both jobs today and I am just not sure I can.

[PVarck31]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hang in there. I know it seems like it can't get any worse, but you will get through this.

[jct32]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Really struggling guys. This time is always tough and without my wife to talk to everything seems even more empty.

Trying to find a new counselor, new church as well. But today is just a struggle to even function. Have to work both jobs today and I am just not sure I can.

Bullit keep the faith man. You are an inspiration to tons of guys here whether they actually come out and say it. I'll have you in my prayers mate.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bullit keep the faith man. You are an inspiration to tons of guys here whether they actually come out and say it. I'll have you in my prayers mate.

Thanks for the kind words. Though today, one day before the anniversary (for lack of a better term) I certainly don't feel very inspirational. My soul hurts so much and the tears just wont stop today.I miss her so much.

Found this pic. Its from her very first Major league game.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well today has been 3 years since my daughter passed.

I can honestly say this has been the hardest road that I have ever had to walk. I know also that this road is one that I have to walk for the rest of my life.

But I feel, even in light of recent events that I have finally shrugged off my depression and can walk forward with my head a little higher and my back a little straighter. Every day is not utterly filled with darkness and I am even starting to look forward to life a bit.

However today is one of sadness and pain for me. I can't help but remember the day I woke up to find that she had passed away in the night. Part of me, I think, will always blame myself for it. Though I know there was nothing that I could have done. I miss her so much and I really cannot even explain the emptiness that is left behind in your heart and soul when your child dies.

I am sure I will post again today, but this is about all I have in me this morning. Just wanted to check in and say I am still here.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hang in the Bullit. I lost my dad 5 years ago , but I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a daughter. You're constantly in my thoughts and prayers man.

[Clemsonpanther]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

This is both so depressing and inspiring. Finding a new counselor is a great idea. They are people too, different counselors for different people and things, We mess around a lot but when things are serious OS comes together. I cant imagine what it would be like to lose a child. I dont see how people manage to live after it. Or to die at this age either, you feel so invincible yet it can all go away. Bullit you are an inspiration. This thread helps when i need to get head out of a stupid teenage pity party or to regain perspective on the world. It also helps me from making stupid decisions hopefully. I dont personally know you but you have my major respect. Just dont give up. Never ever give up.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Thank you very much for the kind words, the are very appreciated.

OS is indeed a wonderful place. One of the reason I posted on here the very first day was just because I did not know where to turn or what to do. I kept posting here because of the support and it truly did help getting things out and dealing with them.

All of the folks here have been a big key on helping me be where I am today on the long dark road. I think writing it out and being honest with my pain and experiences has helped as well.

Once again I have survived the anniversary and Thanksgiving. Now with just Christmas and her birthday to go, I am gearing up emotionally for the next month.

Thanks again for letting me have this space and I wish you all the best for the holidays and the future. Love your families and one piece of advice.

Be aware of the people around you, from work to just daily folks you meet in passing, you never know what road they are walking or how much a kind word can mean. The holidays are about one thing and it is certainly not commercialism.

Love you all

[Knight165]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well said Bryan.

M.K.
Knight165

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

So things are not going to well.

Does not look like I can afford to buy the wife out of her share of the house. She has moved out and left me with all of the bills, which I can't cover. I am probably going to have to sell my car just to make ends meet for the next few months.

Already cancel Direct TV and all unnecessary things. The only thing I am keeping on for the time being is internet. I need some kind of contact point.

So now I am just in survival mode for the holidays and struggling with missing Cricket, anxiety and trying to find extra money to sock away.

Just so very overwhelmed. I know they say you only get what you can handle but boy somebody has more faith in me than I do myself.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Sorry about all this, Bryan. The timing of everything just sucks. I wish I was there so I could take you to pizza and see Star Wars next week and shelve all this for a night.

For now, just keep getting up in the morning until this is sorted and behind you, man. You do what you can do, and you've got friends here.

For Cricket...would you care to share a good or even funny Christmas memory? If you don't want to I understand, too...

[Jr.]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

So things are not going to well.

Does not look like I can afford to buy the wife out of her share of the house. She has moved out and left me with all of the bills, which I can't cover. I am probably going to have to sell my car just to make ends meet for the next few months.

Already cancel Direct TV and all unnecessary things. The only thing I am keeping on for the time being is internet. I need some kind of contact point.

So now I am just in survival mode for the holidays and struggling with missing Cricket, anxiety and trying to find extra money to sock away.

Just so very overwhelmed. I know they say you only get what you can handle but boy somebody has more faith in me than I do myself.

Keep your head up, Bullit. Things are the darkest before the dawn. Keep pushing forward and things will turn around for the better.

[longshadow11]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bryan, you will be in my prayers every single day, multiple times per day.

[mpbaseball22]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Hey Bullit have you considered putting up a gofundme page?