Worst Day of MY Life

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  • jeremym480
    Speak it into existence
    • Oct 2008
    • 18198

    #301
    Re: Worst Day of MY Life

    You're right Bryan - one day at a time.

    I'm sure that Cricket would want you to be happy and continue living life to the fullest. And you can be content with the fact that you will see each other again one day.

    Good luck selling the house and finding a new one out in the country.
    My 2K17 Boston Celtics MyLeague

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    • Lieutenant Dan
      All Star
      • Sep 2007
      • 5679

      #302
      Re: Worst Day of MY Life

      It seems to me these realizations and you being able to write about them are just more steps in the right direction, Bryan.

      And I still believe time will help, but like you said if you keep picking at the scab it takes longer to heal. But I don't think anyone could have told you that in a way you would have bought earlier on, you needed to get there on your own.

      I'm proud of you for being brave enough to continue to share with us here. We can't fix things but you have an attentive and supportive band of brothers here for you. Your strength is to be admired.

      I know I keep sayin' it, but hang in there, brother.
      GO 'HAWKS!

      OS Dibs: Anna Kendrick

      Elite Dangerous on One X has become my life.

      Proud PS5 and Xbox Series X Owner
      "Best of Both Worlds"

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      • mgoblue
        Go Wings!
        • Jul 2002
        • 25477

        #303
        Re: Worst Day of MY Life

        Originally posted by jeremym480
        You're right Bryan - one day at a time.

        I'm sure that Cricket would want you to be happy and continue living life to the fullest. And you can be content with the fact that you will see each other again one day.

        Good luck selling the house and finding a new one out in the country.
        I agree with Jeremy.

        I know nothing about healing from this, but I can agree that Cricket would want you to be happy and move on. She wouldn't want you to be sad the rest of your life.

        Keep on each day, moving could definitely help!
        Nintendo Switch Friend Code: SW-7009-7102-8818

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        • Qb
          All Star
          • Mar 2003
          • 8797

          #304
          Re: Worst Day of MY Life

          So much in our lives - our work, goals, basic needs like eating & sleeping - revolves around time. It might be measured in minutes, hours, days, months, years, but we consciously (or somewhat unconsciously) put a timeline on almost every aspect. Unfortunately, grief and the grieving process are not bound by time.

          Knowing when something will end tends to make it more bearable. Open-ended suffering is going to be terrifying, depressing, and anger & anxiety-inducing because it goes against how we construct and manage the rest of our existence. Combining this with our natural and learned impatience leads to feelings of frustration and guilt with ourselves for not completing the task of healing. Well, healing is not a task on our to-do list. It's not something we have clearly laid-out instructions to follow, nor can we even truly describe what it is or how it will feel. And to some degree, the expectation of being "made whole" in the face of such an immeasurable loss is not even realistic.

          Acceptance of your feelings of anger, anxiety, frustration, grief, guilt, longing, and sorrow is required, because they are going to be there whether you fight them or not. While your actions are under your control, often your feelings are not. Focus on taking actions that help you feel better; counseling, writing, praying, exercise/healthy living, and making changes in your life you feel will help you like selling the house. Above all, don't judge yourself by previous standards of emotional or mental well-being; there is no way back to what you were. The goal in moving forward with your life is not to come full circle, but to walk the path put in front of you as best you can.

          And Bryan, I want you to know that your tragedy has made me a better father. I honor you and your daughter by hugging, kissing, and telling my daughter that I love and am proud of her every chance I get. Thank you for having the courage to share your pain with us and know that in doing so you are helping at least one guy not take what he has for granted.

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          • Bullit
            Bacon is Better
            • Aug 2009
            • 5004

            #305
            Re: Worst Day of MY Life

            Hey Guys,

            Well its March and thought it was about time for a update.

            This time of year apparently is always going to be a rough time. With spring training and everything starting to warm up. This was our favorite time of year. Some of you may know that Baseball was a very important factor in our lives, well it still is and that is the rough part.

            I have found myself dealing with a pretty big wave of grief lately. I knew that it was probably going to come, but I was not thinking it would be this big. Baseball was something that my daughter and I shared very strongly. We traveled every summer with a goal of seeing at least two new ballparks every year. When I met my new wife the tradition continued as she loves baseball as well.The most uplifting statement in our house is " Pitchers and Catcher are reporting". It our sign that winter is almost over, school will be out soon and our days will be filled with ballparks and sunshine.

            Even for us geeks the traditions continued. Every year with the release of MLB The Show was a day off from school and work. Praying for another title to release on the same day so that we could get a midnight release. While everybody else would be waiting for Halo or Battlefield or whatever. We would stand in the parking lot having a catch and talking about what would we do this year.Her thoughts never changed. " This year I'm getting the Mets to The Show." was always her goal. It never happened. Life would always slow her quest down.

            So this year I am struggling again. The crack of the bat, the hope and dreams of the spring have me feeling very sad. I am glad Baseball is back as it always makes me feel better. But I can't help but miss her even more right now. I was not able to go to a game at all last year, it was just to hard. Even the thought of going to the park without her was just too much to bear. But this year will be a different story. i will make it to the park and I will see a new park this year. The Show will release and The Show, like life, will go on.

            I like the new slogan for The Show "Baseball is better" well I would like to change it a little " With Baseball, Life is better"

            Thanks again for all of your support and letting me have this space.
            In Loving memory of my "Cricket" 1/2/96 - 11/19/2012

            My heart and soul hurt for your lost presence in my life.

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            • NewscasterNews4
              MVP
              • Jul 2013
              • 2532

              #306
              Re: Worst Day of MY Life

              I am deeply saddened for your loss and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I will be 16 in November, and your story has given me a new look on life. Never again will I charachterize a day as a "bad day", even if I'm tired or just don't feel well that morning.

              I remember in my freshman year I got very sick as I had a huge rash over my body. I guess the moral of the story is that I survived, and I shouldn't take anything for granted.

              You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

              EDIT: And happy birthday.
              Last edited by NewscasterNews4; 03-24-2014, 10:33 PM.

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              • Bullit
                Bacon is Better
                • Aug 2009
                • 5004

                #307
                Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                Well guys a little different update this time. I finally did it and was able to go to a ball game. This is the first time I have been able to go since Cricket passed away. Today was my wife and mine anniversary. Only 2 years but boy what a two years huh? We hot married the April before my daughter died.

                So as a lot of you know baseball was a very important part of life it for my daughter and I. So this was a very big step for me. I lost it a bit at the National Anthem, but I was able to stay for the whole game. This was our local Double A club in in Richmond VA. and where I took the picture I posted of Cricket earlier. Things have been OK lately, not great but OK. With having the house on the market and job hunting it's just a bunch of stress right now.

                I will post more later when I am not on my phone. Thanks everyone for everything.
                Attached Files
                Last edited by Bullit; 04-13-2014, 08:03 PM.
                In Loving memory of my "Cricket" 1/2/96 - 11/19/2012

                My heart and soul hurt for your lost presence in my life.

                Comment

                • funky_chicken
                  MVP
                  • Jul 2002
                  • 3282

                  #308
                  Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                  One day at a time brother, that is all you can do.

                  Comment

                  • slickdtc
                    Grayscale
                    • Aug 2004
                    • 17125

                    #309
                    Worst day of my life

                    I posted in the OT thread when this happened, but my second oldest brother died of an overdose at the end of February. It's been ruled accidental, but we're not truly sure. I honestly don't know which way is "better."

                    Well, we may have a chance to "see" him again. He was being profiled by HBO's Vice series as part of their episode on military veterans with mental illness and addiction. The producers have contacted my other brothers and my father regarding my brother since he passed, but never got in touch with me. I'll have to ask them, but I'm pretty sure he'll still be included in the episode. If anything, it'll prove how serious the epidemic is. The episode, according to Wikipedia, is set to air tomorrow.

                    I bring it up because, as usual, he's been on my mind. And that's not even an exaggeration. Almost daily a wave hits me, and I stare off and just think about it all...

                    I'm a strong person, I've dealt with multiple deaths in my immediate family, but this has been the hardest (probably because the others were when I was younger then a teenager except one). I really do live through my music, and he's everywhere in the influences to what I listen to. When some songs come on, my chest swells and I have to hold it together as best as possible. It feels like a piece of my heart ain't there sometimes... We were 4 brothers and now we're just 3. It's not right.

                    I know we did everything we could. I don't feel guilty. But I still have an emptiness, and it may always be there. My future children won't know one of their uncles. They'll only know the stories we tell of the shenanigans we got in to or about who they got their intelligence from.

                    He had his demons on this earth and I know they no longer haunt him or us, but it's tough down here somedays.

                    "A picture's worth a thousand words but mine has a broken frame"
                    NHL - Philadelphia Flyers
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                    MLB - Cincinnati Reds


                    Originally posted by Money99
                    And how does one levy a check that will result in only a slight concussion? Do they set their shoulder-pads to 'stun'?

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                    • Bullit
                      Bacon is Better
                      • Aug 2009
                      • 5004

                      #310
                      Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                      Hey Guys,

                      Just thought it was time for a new update.

                      Things have been ok lately, though I have been struggling lately.

                      The house has sold and we are closing the 30th of this month and now the packing has begun. This has been a whole lot harder than I thought it would be. I am really looking forward to being someplace new as I think this is going to be a big step with moving on with life.

                      But as I said I have been struggling a lot lately. I know most of the cause if this wave of grief. Cricket would be graduating from High School next weekend and I just got a graduation announcement from her best friend. So I know this is one of the triggers for me right now. Not that it makes it easier, but it helps I guess.

                      Also this past week one of my best friends went to the hospital with what turns out was a 95% blockage of his main artery. So as those of you who have followed this travel know, my own health anxieties fit right in with this. The anxiety attacks have not really started again, I am surprised at this, but every pain of GERD or Reflux makes me think something else might happen. Or I worry that I am ignoring something thinking it is GERD when in fact I am having a heart attack.

                      But all in all, taking everything into account... I think I am doing ok. I wont say I am doing great but I am ok and right now I think that is enough.

                      Thanks again for listening and letting my have this space, I really appreciate you all.

                      In Loving memory of my "Cricket" 1/2/96 - 11/19/2012

                      My heart and soul hurt for your lost presence in my life.

                      Comment

                      • Bullit
                        Bacon is Better
                        • Aug 2009
                        • 5004

                        #311
                        Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                        Ok guys, two updates in one day. The Principle from Crickets school just called and said some students wanted to do something in remembrance of her at Graduation. I said of course they could but then she asked if I would like to attend.

                        I just don't know what I should do. Her best friend Lizzy has actually moved to Seattle and she sent me an announcement. Im not sure I should even think about attending. I don't want to make the day sad for anybody and I am not even sure I could make it through?

                        She did say she would get me a copy of the ceremony if I did not want to attend.
                        In Loving memory of my "Cricket" 1/2/96 - 11/19/2012

                        My heart and soul hurt for your lost presence in my life.

                        Comment

                        • ubernoob
                          ****
                          • Jul 2004
                          • 15522

                          #312
                          Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                          Obviously I think it's whatever you are ultimately comfortable with.

                          With that preface, I think it'd be fantastic (both for the students putting it on, and also for you) if you are able to attend. Sharing is always caring, even if it seems like it's a struggle.

                          Obviously it would be an emotional situation but that's to be expected and can't be avoided.
                          bad

                          Comment

                          • Lieutenant Dan
                            All Star
                            • Sep 2007
                            • 5679

                            #313
                            Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                            Originally posted by Bullit
                            Ok guys, two updates in one day. The Principle from Crickets school just called and said some students wanted to do something in remembrance of her at Graduation. I said of course they could but then she asked if I would like to attend.

                            I just don't know what I should do. Her best friend Lizzy has actually moved to Seattle and she sent me an announcement. Im not sure I should even think about attending. I don't want to make the day sad for anybody and I am not even sure I could make it through?

                            She did say she would get me a copy of the ceremony if I did not want to attend.
                            Wow, what a fantastic gesture! She obviously touched many lives around her and this will probably actually help a lot of the kids with closure. It will generate tears of course, but it could be a great way for the kids to 'graduate' Cricket in more ways than just school.

                            For you to attend, man, that is a HIGHLY personal decision. I have been following and posting and PM'ing you for quite awhile and I am not going to offer advice here, except to say go with your gut on this, Bryan. I know it's basic, but really, no one can tell YOU if you should or shouldn't go.

                            I do want to say don't even think on what other's may think of your decision, because they did not go through all this. Make a choice that gives YOU peace.
                            GO 'HAWKS!

                            OS Dibs: Anna Kendrick

                            Elite Dangerous on One X has become my life.

                            Proud PS5 and Xbox Series X Owner
                            "Best of Both Worlds"

                            Comment

                            • allstardad
                              Banned
                              • May 2014
                              • 237

                              #314
                              Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                              Originally posted by Bullit
                              Ok guys, two updates in one day. The Principle from Crickets school just called and said some students wanted to do something in remembrance of her at Graduation. I said of course they could but then she asked if I would like to attend.

                              I just don't know what I should do. Her best friend Lizzy has actually moved to Seattle and she sent me an announcement. Im not sure I should even think about attending. I don't want to make the day sad for anybody and I am not even sure I could make it through?

                              She did say she would get me a copy of the ceremony if I did not want to attend.
                              First and foremost, I'm new here and wanted to express my sympathy for your loss.

                              As for the post above, what an amazing gesture by friends and fellow classmates. The lives your daughter influenced and touched, has led to them wanting to return her kindness.

                              As for what you should do, I honestly can't answer that, as I can't even begin to imagine the emotions you must be feeling. The only answer I will provide is that whichever decision you make will be the correct decision. Do not second guess yourself for attending or not attending. There is no right or wrong answer in this situation.

                              God speed to you and your family. And may each day be another step forward in healing.

                              Comment

                              • DrGravyBoat
                                Pro
                                • Dec 2013
                                • 770

                                #315
                                Re: Worst Day of MY Life

                                I just saw this thread and I am heartbroken by what happened. My brother nearly passed away almost 7 years ago and I can't imagine what my life would be like without him.

                                I really can't answer on what you should do. BUT, if it does help the healing process then you should go.

                                Again, sorry about your loss.
                                Psalm 23:4 New International Version (NIV)

                                4 Even though I walk
                                through the darkest valley,
                                I will fear no evil,
                                for you are with me;
                                your rod and your staff,
                                they comfort me
                                "It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward"

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