Worst Day of MY Life

[z Revis]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I haven't made a post in this thread yet mainly because I don't know what to say. I've been blessed so far to not have many family tragedies in my life. I don't really have experience with this and don't know the feelings you're going through. My dog dying is the last tragedy and while that was very hard, a daughter passing is on a completely different level.

So.. I don't know what to say, but just want you to know that I am truly sorry and you are in my thoughts. Hope everything gets better for you and your family soon and just know that your daughter will always be with you.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Having a real tough day today. My daughters birthday is on the 2nd of January so that is the next big hurdle. I still have a present for her in my dresser, but I can't bring myself to do anything with it.

I went to the doctor today and her put me on some stuff to help my sleep and to help a little with the stress and anxiety. He also is sending me to a cardiologist on the 10th for a stress test. He thinks it is just GERD and reflux and he just wants to prove it to ease my mind, although he did day the ekg he ran was a little abnormal but he did not want me to worry about it.

I am just trying to let go of things and just put them in Gods hands. I can't take anymore on right now, I am at my limit. I appreciate you all for letting me vent and just post.

Thank you

[roadman]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bullit:

I can't imagine what you and your family are going through.

Even though our son only lasted 38 minutes in this world, we still celebrate his birthday every July. We get a cake, gather around the table and sing "Happy Birthday." This tradition has been going strong for the last 21 years and we will keep it going.

Also, every holiday gathering and his birthday, we light a candle. (call it Ryan's candle)

We look at it as a celebration of life, even though it only lasted 38 minutes.

As hard as it is, I hope you'll find the strength and courage to somehow celebrate your daughters birthday come Jan 2nd.

Wishing you and your family well.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Glad you posted an update, Bullit. Even if it wasn't a happy one, you still need to post, brother.

This whole thread is for you to have a place to say what you need to say, vent, celebrate, be pissed off, weep....whatever you want or need.

You know many of us are reading and are thinking about you daily.

We also know this is not an easy road for you; it's not supposed to be. It's not okay to lose a daughter. You are a human being and this situation is probably the hardest you can face. That's why God saw fit to put so many of on this planet, to help each other face the unthinkable and the difficult things in life.

You may think you're not handling things well, but you don't have to be brave about this. Just be human and know that you have people who care about you near and far.

Happy New Year, and Happy Birthday to your Cricket soon. Don't be afraid to celebrate the day she came into your life and all that she's brought into your life. No balloons or cakes are required; just love.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Losing it today guys. Anxiety is just over the top. I'm tired of being scared and confused and hurting so much. I miss her so much and my soul hurts fors the oss of her in my life, but I feel like I'm loosing my mind some days.

The slightest twinge sends me into fear that something bad is about to happen to me. Went to the Doctor yesterday for a panic attack. He did an ekg and send it was a little off but but thought my chest pain was just GERD or reflux. Sending me to. Cardiologist on the 10th to prove I'm OK. I know if he really thought something was wrong he would have sent me straight to the hospital. But part of my brain is just freaking out. Plus he gave me Ativan and that just seems to make it worse.

Just want to get thru this. I miss my Cricket, but I am so tired of hurting.

[ubernoob]

I had an episode in the hospital this year where they gave me Ativan and I absolutely lost it. I don't remember any of it but I'm 99% sure it was right after they made me pee in a cup to see if I was on drugs (I was not, save for being extremely dehydrated, sleepwalking and taking too much benadryl that made me a zombie basically) I flipped as soon as they gave it to me. They then forced me to have a personal babysitter in the ER and my hospital room. Long story short be careful with Ativan.

Keep using all your sources to vent and get things off your chest brother. God works in mysterious ways - just remember that. We will keep praying for you and yours. These things aren't meant to be easy. Cherish the good times that were had.

Sent from my Nexus 10 using Tapatalk 2

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

I don't know what Ativan is but from the sounds of it, I'll decline it should it ever come up from my MD. LOL Yikes.

I will say that I have anxiety/stress issues myself, and am on bystolic for hypertension and high-blood pressure. It works great, but sometimes I need more on bad stress/anxiety days where I can't 'turn it off' and so I have a prescription for Xanax, .5 mg. I use only as I need it, and it works extremely well. A bottle of 30 pills can last me six months because I usually just use half a pill, and can go two or three weeks without needing it.

Bullit, you might inquire about it.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Feeling better now. Thanks guys. I just have to deal with this, today I just got overwhelmed. Well actually yesterday to.

I am not a big fan of meds for me personally, I just need to find my path. But I also need to find a path that gets rid of this anxiety,stress and fear. I am not sure yet how I am going to do this, but I will. I have walked many dark roads in my days, none as dark as this, and the good Lord has always seen fit to have me walk out the other side. So i just have to have faith that this road, while darker, longer and harder than any I have ever walked will not be any different.

Love you all and I am honored to have you all in my life

Ps:

I have also figured out that some of the anxiety is I don't know who I am or who I am going to be on the other side of this. For 16 years I have been and only wanted to be Crickets Dad. While I will always be her Dad I still have to find who I am going to be now. Life without her is never something I ever imagined, so I think that is why I have these feelings of being so lost.

[CWSapp757]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bullit, I'm sorry I'm so late to the thread. I just read through every post in this thread while sitting beside my mother. We both became teary eyed. My mother said she wishes she could just give you a hug and that your strength through all of this is so admirable. Although it has been stated a ton of times already, I just want you to know that we are all here for you. Share your thoughts with us and there will always be one of us here to respond just to let you know that you are not alone.

On somewhat of a side note, I have been ill for several months now (spitting up blood, intense chest pains, migraines). The doctors have not been able to figure out what's wrong. While I am confident I will be fine eventually, this has been a great remainder to not take anything or anyone for granted. You are in my prayers and the prayers of my mother. Although we may not see each other face to face, we are a family here.... and we love you. Stay strong and lean on all of us whenever you need.

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

CWSapp757,

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts, they mean a lot to all of us. The outpouring of support is just beyond words.

I am sorry for the struggles you are going through and I hope you find peace and answers as well. I can empathize with the anxiety that comes with not having the answers you need. If you ever need somebody to talk with I am here as well.

Again thank you for your kind words, its nice to see a fellow Virginian on OS.

Take Care

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Its rough right now guys. The thought of a New Year and no Cricket is just breaking my heart today. Went out to today and every one is so cheerful and Happy New Year and I just want to scream.

I know that I will make it thru, I have faith that Cricket is happy in Heaven and that one day I will see her. This is just a dark time and the good Lord will see me thru. Of course you all help me more than you will ever know.

Thank you

[Rules]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Its rough right now guys. The thought of a New Year and no Cricket is just breaking my heart today. Went out to today and every one is so cheerful and Happy New Year and I just want to scream.

I know that I will make it thru, I have faith that Cricket is happy in Heaven and that one day I will see her. This is just a dark time and the good Lord will see me thru. Of course you all help me more than you will ever know.

Thank you

My prayers are with you! I know it is a tough time but God has a purpose and you will be reunited so keep strong my brother! God loves you and it is important that you know Cricket is always with you!

[Bullit]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Well I have really been struggling lately and I think it will all come to a head tomorrow.

Jan. 2 is my Crickets birthday and probably the day I have dreaded the most since this nightmare began. It has always been our special day. I would always let her skip school and sleep in and then we would do something fun.
I still ache with missing her and it has been growing all this week with this day coming. Oh Lord I miss her so much. I feel if I can make it thru tomorrow I will be able to start healing and moving on, at least that is my hope.

Thanks to you all and I will check in tomorrow, probably a lot

[fishepa]

Stay strong man you will get through it. One day at a time.

[EUBlink]

Re: Worst Day of MY Life

Bullit, I don't know you and you don't know me, and this is the first I've read of this post. And I read it completely and saw you mention that January 2nd, today, would be, IS, her birthday. I truly hurt for you.

Having a two year old daughter, and having lost my son at birth, I can partially relate. Even though I only had my son in my hands a short time, the burden of his death still hurts me the same as it did the day he was born and passed away.

I wish you and your family the best. The emptiness will never go away; you'll never fill the void. You and I know that. You don't need anyone to tell you that. But I hope that you can find peace, as it seems you are as time passes.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, as well as my wife's. Especially today. I hope you can find it in you to get out today and do that something fun, if not just for her, but for you. God bless you, man.