Wife left me for another man

[longshadow11]

Thanks, everyone. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

I have been cooking for my daughters when we get home. I say a prayer before we eat and always pray for God to watch over mom. My oldest said after one meal that she hasn't had a good meal at home in months. We were all on our own. So that's a big win for me. My girls are liking the way I'm doing things. We eat then all pitch in to clean up. It's exhausting, but I have to keep busy or I lose my mind thinking about things I can't control.

When the girls are with their mom, which is rarely, I get very low. I remember one night wandering around the mall aimlessly and ended up in a changing room at Sears sobbing uncontrollably. It's pretty embarrasing, but 18 years of memories are hard to push aside. It rips my guts out that she can forget about all the good we had so easily. The loneliness is hard to describe. When she comes to pick the girls up for a visit, it's so hard to see my family drive away.

My mother is a loving, Christian woman but I have seen her dark side now. She despises my wife and has spoken of revenge.(Which she soon backed away from.) She has had to literally keep me from falling to the floor a few times, especially after seeing or speaking to my wife.

My approach now is to ignore my wife. When she drops the kids off I neither look or speak to her. When she calls or sends a text, I wait for hours to respond or don't respond at all. I'm having to treat her as if she isn't alive. As long as my girls are safe, I want nothing to do with her. Of course, if she came back full of remorse, it would be tough to know what to do.

I look forward to the day her new relationship goes sour. I really hope they find that they can't stand each other.

My favorite song when things don't get well with the ladies...

Spoiler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qlr1H_iV6qs

[TheMatrix31]

Why are your girls going with her?

So sorry to hear it, man. I can't even properly articulate how I feel about your situation.

**sigh**

Just make sure it doesnt effect the daughters as much it can and seems to be. Their sanity/mental health is above and away the most important thing.

[BrianFifaFan]

Quote: Originally Posted by longshadow11

Thanks, everyone. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated. I have been cooking for my daughters when we get home. I say a prayer before we eat and always pray for God to watch over mom. My oldest said after one meal that she hasn't had a good meal at home in months. We were all on our own. So that's a big win for me. My girls are liking the way I'm doing things. We eat then all pitch in to clean up. It's exhausting, but I have to keep busy or I lose my mind thinking about things I can't control. When the girls are with their mom, which is rarely, I get very low. I remember one night wandering around the mall aimlessly and ended up in a changing room at Sears sobbing uncontrollably. It's pretty embarrasing, but 18 years of memories are hard to push aside. It rips my guts out that she can forget about all the good we had so easily. The loneliness is hard to describe. When she comes to pick the girls up for a visit, it's so hard to see my family drive away. My mother is a loving, Christian woman but I have seen her dark side now. She despises my wife and has spoken of revenge.(Which she soon backed away from.) She has had to literally keep me from falling to the floor a few times, especially after seeing or speaking to my wife. My approach now is to ignore my wife. When she drops the kids off I neither look or speak to her. When she calls or sends a text, I wait for hours to respond or don't respond at all. I'm having to treat her as if she isn't alive. As long as my girls are safe, I want nothing to do with her. Of course, if she came back full of remorse, it would be tough to know what to do. I look forward to the day her new relationship goes sour. I really hope they find that they can't stand each other.

Don't give into hate or vengeful thoughts. Part of the Lord's Prayer is "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." It might be hard, but holding a hardened heart toward someone who has wronged you is something you've gotta really purpose to fight against. It'll just eat you up inside. And kill any hope of resolution. People can try to out-hate each other, but the person doing the hating is the one who ends up hurting the most, they can't transfer their hurt onto the other person who wronged them.

If you still care for her, and really want to take the high road, be understanding and let your correct actions be the witness to show her how wrong and out in left field her actions are. Heap coals on her head with kindness. It'll be a great example for your daughters, as well. You guys need to focus on what will strengthen your family unit and not fall into the same lost, hopeless circumstance that your wife now finds herself trapped in. God Bless, Brian

P.S. Just worry about being the person that she's not right now.

[jeremym480]

Quote: Originally Posted by stewaat

My favorite song when things don't get well with the ladies... Spoiler http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qlr1H_iV6qs

This is mine.

Spoiler

Because my prediction is that Longshadow';s wife is going to realize what a great guy he is and realize that she made a mistake and want to come back at some point.

Longshadow, I know I don't know you but, you will be in my thoughts . If I were you I would just let her go and move on, thats just me. I wouldn't want to be in a realtionship for someone like that. You deserve better man. Now I know it's easier said that done but, say strong for your girls and you never know, this may be a blessing in disguise. Just be positive and take things one day at a time and hopefully it will all work out for the better in the end.

Good Luck and God Bless

[nemesis04]

Unfortunately I went down this road already back in 99. We had a 2 year old daughter and had just bought a house. 3 months into the new house she came home and said she wanted out, that she had found someone else. Took my daughter and left me standing there in an empty house. Those were probably the darkest days of my life and know exactly how you are feeling. Your next step is going to be anger but I am telling you, you need be on the high road through this whole ordeal. As much as you despise her and want to probably drag her behind your car for a distance maintain a positive environment for your daughters. She is still their mother and I would refrain from any down talk about her when the 3 of you are at the dinner table.

You definitely are going to need an outlet to talk things out whether it be friends, family, counselor or priest. Take care of yourself, don't let yourself waste away and get sick as there is no tag team partner anymore and there are two daughters that are going to need you more then ever. Make sure you do some recreational things together with them to get their minds off the situation.

Lastly, I know this is the last thing on your mind but talk to a lawyer and go over your situation. Make sure the 3 of you are protected and the children are provided for accordingly. Just because she is prancing around does not mean she is free and clear.

Unfortunately this is a long road and only time is going to fix this one. Stay strong and I wish you the best! If you want ask anything just pm if you like.

[e0820]

Wow this whole situation is terrible but I have to say for someone to throw away their family like that is just wrong. It really sounds like the wife is selfish and she will be in for a big surprise when the man she just fell in love with decides he wants someone else. I mean if he did it once, whats gonna stop him from doing it again. I dont wish this type of situation on anyone.

[BrianFifaFan]

Quote: Originally Posted by e0820

Wow this whole situation is terrible but I have to say for someone to throw away their family like that is just wrong. It really sounds like the wife is selfish and she will be in for a big surprise when the man she just fell in love with decides he wants someone else. I mean if he did it once, whats gonna stop him from doing it again. I dont wish this type of situation on anyone.

Statistics bear out your statement. 75% of all of these types of relationships end up with the cheater finding someone else to cheat with. Very few happily-ever-afters out of these types of scenarios.