Deepest, darkest secrets you're willing to share about yourself

[DamnYanks2]

Quote: Originally Posted by cjonesfan921

DY, my father had a stroke in Dec of 2007..I was 19 at the time. Pretty much the same situation, he is disabled ever since. I learned a lot, but it wasn't without tough times. Life was a struggle between trying to balance so many dif things. I had a ridiculous amount of CC debt..about 5-6K that wasn't moving because I needed the money. However, the only reason I really needed it, is because I developed a drinking habit. I worked about 50 hrs a week and went to school full time..but still found time to drink weekends away. I look back and cringe. There is nothing wrong with drinking, but I feel disappointed that I used it as an escape. I've made peace with it, and just try to live every day by embracing the fact that my father is still here with me. I lost two uncles in the past year...which again taught me to embrace the people you love while they're here, regardless of the state they are in. I owe the man I've become today to the experiences I went through.

Man, it blew me away, how much nursing home costs were, After the 84 days or whatever they give you, I was getting slapped with five to six thousand monthly bills. Then the hospital bills came in, 900 for a brain scan, I just buckled, I handled it real well at first. I told myself I'd make him proud and handle all the bills and what not.

But, I'm 18 I barely knew how to write a check. Let alone, get power of attorney and all that. I was so lost, the worst part though was my pride, I ingrained it in my head that I didn't need any help, and that I would handle everything. Everybody told me I did a good job, but I don't feel I did.

I didn't even know you could pay hospital bills monthly, so I paid the whole amount lol. I was so over my head, now don't get it wrong. My dad had a pension and it was a pretty considerable amount. But, the nursing home bills alone were more then my dad's pension, and anything I was making at the restaurant I worked at.

I too resorted to drinking, it was the only thing that calmed me, and made me happy, Being sober, my mind drove me nuts, I'd get calls about an unpaid bill or that my dad had fell, it just drove to me drowning my sorrows away with heavy drinking.

I made so many mistakes though, I did some good things too, but I really ****ed up on a few things, I didn't learn till my pride took the ultimate hit, when I had no money for food, and I couldn't pay the water bill. I finally caved and asked for help. But, it still makes me angry to this day, thinking about the way things went down.

[Jr.]

Quote: Originally Posted by shugknight

Thanks for the words of encouragement man. I do want to start paying, but I don't know where to start. Should I call the collectors and work out a deal with them or should I contact a financial adviser to have them sort the mess out and possibly help reduce the monthly payments? Sometimes I just have to scream out F.M.L.

I'm guessing your loans are federal loans. Call up whomever is in charge of your loans and talk to them. They are extremely willing to work with people who can't afford to make payments. There are quite a few options available that many people don't know about.

It may take a month or so, but you should be able to work out a payment plan that is affordable to you. You can also talk with them about consolidating your loans and if that's possible. If it is, it should help lower your interest rate and possibly lower the total amount that you pay.

The government wants you to pay something because paying a little is better than paying nothing at all. So they will work with you, you just have to call them and explain your situation.

[Husker_OS]

Some from the OT thread already know this but I'll delve a little deeper.

I met a girl in late summer of 2011 and we started dating really hitting it off. She told me she loved me about 3 months into the relationship and I held off on saying it back for about 2 weeks. I wanted to be sure. The following summer we hit a huge rough patch after I lost my job and was living at home. She ended things because it seemed like I was never going to move to Birmingham to be with her like I initially said when we met. We split up for about 3 days before we talked things out and got back together. That was last summer.

When I got a new job and moved to Birmingham she essentially lived with me at my apartment. She spent 75% of her nights sleeping at my place from September until April of this year. I knew in the fall that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her so I planned out the engagement. I decided to start looking for rings after Christmas. Next I had to figure out when to propose. I stumbled upon a deal on Groupon where you got a suite at the Hard Rock Hotel in Chicago for $300 per night which was half off the normal rate. The weekend of my birthday was a weekend available for the deal.

We fly to Chicago Friday morning and I had reservations at the Signature Room on the 95th floor of the Hancock Center for dinner. I ended up proposing in the courtyard of the 19th century church across the street. She said yes and it was easily the best weekend of my life.

We booked a venue in April and made our guest list. My parents agreed to pay for the honeymoon and her dress. Her friends planned an engagement party for August 3rd and we got the addresses of everyone for the engagement party to send out invites.

Then we have 2 fights in a 7-day period and she has a bad experience at the hospital with one of mentors. On the heels of the 2nd fight she ended things and broke off the engagement on July 13th.

I have been in a very deep depression since. I've lost my appetite entirely resulting in the weight loss of somewhere around 15 lbs maybe even closer to 20 right now. I've not slept through the night at all since.

I have good moments where I'm ready to move on and then out of nowhere I'll just lose it and go to a dark place. I get panic attacks. I'm short with everyone and don't really converse with anyone despite hanging out with friends 3 nights a week.

I really don't know what to do. I'm so ****ing depressed that I can't think straight and my days are blending together. I miss her so damn much that it literally gives me stomach aches and panic attacks.

I honestly thought that when she accepted the proposal that my life had just begun. We were both so blissfully happy following the engagement and we were so excited to do all of the wedding planning. She immediately bought bridal magazines at O'Hare on our flight home that weekend. A week later she bought wedding books at the bookstore.

I simply cannot wrap my mind around this. There's a ****ing engagement ring in my closet that I gave to the person I knew without a doubt I wanted to spend forever with but she gave it back.

I can deal with a broken heart. I broke a few in college and I had mine broken once in college.

But I honestly do not know how to handle this. It's not a mutual split. I tell myself and my friends that I'm ready to move on but I'm nowhere near that point yet. I keep this pain inside and refuse to share it with anyone because she's the only person I feel like I can be this way around.

I want to see a therapist but the means are not there. I'm 26 so ironically enough 2 days before I got engaged I was no longer allowed to be on my parent's insurance plan but it wasn't a big deal because once we were married I could be on her insurance plan with the hospital she moved to for residency in the spring.

I'm worried about myself due to these thoughts and my rapidly decreasing weight. But damned if I don't have any idea how to fix it. I don't even know where to go.

[Jr.]

Husker, there are some therapists that will offer pro-bono sessions. You can make some calls in the area and might be able to find someone that will talk with you.

As for the relationship, it's only been a month. It seems to me like you're about where you should be with the process. These things take time, man. And if the people you hang around with are truly your friends, they would want you to open up to them and want to help in any way they can.

Keeping it inside usually makes it a lot tougher to deal with because you only have yourself to talk to.

In the end, everyone deals with loss in their own way. Expressing yourself to others or just writing in a journal can often be helpful so your thoughts aren't just floating around in your head all day.

Hope this helps man, if you need anything feel free to PM me.

[ScoobySnax]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Husker. Heartbreak is the absolute worst, but luckily the pain doesn't last always. I agree with Baughn in that you have to talk with someone you trust. You can't hold it all inside as it will drive you crazy. It's going to be all right, man.

[msuduo]

Husker, I've been there. I was engaged to my college sweetheart. We were a matter of a few months from the wedding when she broke it off. I had transferred colleges because she was done before me. She was all I knew for years. She was a lot of my firsts (thankfully not the most important first)

I can say it gets easier because I met my wife two months after, engaged within 6, married within 11 months of the first one ending things. But I know everyone's situation is different. All I can say is hang in there and lean on those that you can. You're not in this alone.

[FlyingFinn]

Quote: Originally Posted by shugknight

Thanks for the words of encouragement man. I do want to start paying, but I don't know where to start. Should I call the collectors and work out a deal with them or should I contact a financial adviser to have them sort the mess out and possibly help reduce the monthly payments? Sometimes I just have to scream out F.M.L.

Don't talk to the collectors at all and don't pay anything. Without any contact with you for 7 years the debt is cleared. Now if it is the government is after you (seems like they may be because of the wage garnishment since I don't think debt collectors can garnish your wage) then you I think you should just keep paying the wage garnishment.

[cardsfan2222]

Quote: Originally Posted by FlyingFinn

Don't talk to the collectors at all and don't pay anything. Without any contact with you for 7 years the debt is cleared. Now if it is the government is after you (seems like they may be because of the wage garnishment since I don't think debt collectors can garnish your wage) then you I think you should just keep paying the wage garnishment.

That isn't true. After 7 years you can get it off your credit report, but they can still try to collect the debt. There is no magic get out of jail free card for not paying.