Re: Joke Thread
How do you quiet a gay baby? Shove a pacifier up his a$$
How do you quiet a gay baby? Shove a pacifier up his a$$
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Last edited by Stormyhog; 02-23-2007, 02:04 AM."If you don't have anything good to say, say it often"- Ed the sock -
Re: Joke Thread
I think the joke thread wont last too much longerComment
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Re: Joke Thread
I thought the Michael Jackson one was pretty good... :y4:Comment
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Re: Joke Thread
Ok...let's start this back up.....
A devoted man wanted to join a monastery and totally commit his life to spiritual study. He entered a special Tibetan order whereby new priests may only say two words upon your review every 10 years to the high monk. 10 long years passed by and he was ready for his first meeting with his eminensce. "So, what do you have to say after your first 10 years?" The man replied "Food --- cold". He exited the high priest's chambers to continue on his studies.
Another 10 years came and went and it was time for his second meeting. The high priest inquired, "my son you have now been here for 20 years, what would you like to say?" The man looked at him plainly saying, "Bed --- hard."
Yet another 10 years passed by and it was time for his third meeting with the high lord of the monks. "Now, you have been here for 30 years, what would you like to state after these years of study?" The man angrily glared back and sternly said, "I QUIT!" to which the high priest replied, "well, it doesn't surprise me, you done nuthin' but piss and moan since you got here!!"Comment
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Re: Joke Thread
My Private Part Died Today!
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in anursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy askedif there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today,and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, shereplied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept mycondolences.
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with hisPrivate Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the halllike that.. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."
But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, " I told you yesterday thatmy Private Part died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of yourpajamas?"
"Well, he replied, "Today's the viewing."Comment
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Re: Joke Thread
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Re: Joke Thread
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See He mated 50 times last year? ... once-a-week."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR."
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."Comment
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Re: Joke Thread
:y4:Comment
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Re: Joke Thread
A Doctor in Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his assistant "Ya Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don ' t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of our patients". "Yes, sir..." answers Ole
The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: "So Ole, how was your day?"
Ole tells him he took care of 3 patients.
The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.
"Bravo ya Ole, and the second one?" says the doctor.
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir" says Ole.
"Bravo, bravo Ole! You ' re good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door
opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself , taking off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man !!!!!"
And what did you do Ole?" asks the doctor.
"I put eye drops in her eyes"Cowboys - Thunder - AthleticsComment
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Re: Joke Thread
That was pretty funny! I was thinking Ole would've gone in another direction.F-L-O-R-I-D-A! S-T-A-T-E! Florida State! Florida State! Florida State! Wooooo!Comment
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Re: Joke Thread
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her flowers.
The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says: ........"Don't you have a vase?"Cowboys - Thunder - AthleticsComment
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Re: Joke Thread
While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a
condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one >morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you - you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or
something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!" The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongorian VD. Vely lare disease."
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh, thank God!" the man replies. "Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry!... Wait two weeks... Faw off by itself! You save money!"Cowboys - Thunder - AthleticsComment
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Re: Joke Thread
That last one was great.
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