Joke Thread

[Pete1210]

Re: Joke Thread

I liked the blonde joke a couple of posts up, reminded me of this one...

A blonde is on a train reading the newspaper headline, "Two Brazilian Soldiers Killed" when she bursts out sobbing and crying. A good samaritan sitting nearby offers her a tissue and asks what's the matter. She shows him the headline and says, "It's so sad...there must be brazillions of widows and orphans."

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

I liked the blonde joke a couple of posts up, reminded me of this one...

A blonde is on a train reading the newspaper headline, "Two Brazilian Soldiers Killed" when she bursts out sobbing and crying. A good samaritan sitting nearby offers her a tissue and asks what's the matter. She shows him the headline and says, "It's so sad...there must be brazillions of widows and orphans."

[OSUG1]

Re: Joke Thread

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Prescott, AZ. He sits at the
counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full
bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young
cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I
do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and
in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his
place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom
and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately
barfs up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

[WTF]

Re: Joke Thread

:y4: EWWWW... That's digusting, but hilarious.

[Beantown]

Re: Joke Thread

Oh my god that's horrible. Hysterical...but freaking disgusting.

[Meatball]

Re: Joke Thread

A patient walks into the doctor's office:

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

[Meatball]

Re: Joke Thread

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

[X*Cell]

Re: Joke Thread

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

[rudyjuly2]

Re: Joke Thread

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

LOL

[skitch]

Re: Joke Thread

Hahahahaha.

[wahoos22719]

Re: Joke Thread

Jim and Edna were patients in a mental hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped
into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna jumped in to save him, swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When
the Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered
her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered Edna
mentally stable.

She went to tell Edna the news, but said, "Edna, I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the
life of another patient. I have concluded your act displays sound
mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung
himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I
am so sorry, but he's dead.

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How
soon can I go home?

[Beantown]

Re: Joke Thread

Haha.

Those last two are good.

[OSUG1]

Re: Joke Thread

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.


After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact,


"Connie....Connie. ." "Is that you, Joe?"


"Yes, I'! ve come back like we agreed."


"What's it like?"


Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. ?Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."


Oh, Joe you surely must be in heaven."


Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona

[NoleFan]

Re: Joke Thread

Those last 3 jokes were pretty funny!

[GenoG]

Re: Joke Thread

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

Thats awesome! I love it!