Joke Thread

[X*Cell]

Re: Joke Thread

The Three Little Pigs - Italian Style

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!



So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick Pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!



So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!"

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.



A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up.

Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living **** out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they tied cement blocks around his feet threw his sorry *** into the creek then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.



The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.

"Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs

[dkgojackets]

Re: Joke Thread

A man walks into his house with a chicken on his arm and sees his wife on the couch. "See, this is the pig that I've been ****ing" he says. "That's not a pig its a chicken" she replies. "I wasn't talking to you" he says.

[X*Cell]

Re: Joke Thread

A man walks into his house with a chicken on his arm and sees his wife on the couch. "See, this is the pig that I've been ****ing" he says. "That's not a pig its a chicken" she replies. "I wasn't talking to you" he says.

yesssss that was awesome!

[Bobolini]

Re: Joke Thread

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot
when they collide.The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. "The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy
says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue
eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter
top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

[dkgojackets]

Re: Joke Thread

i like it

[Bobolini]

Re: Joke Thread

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl".

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may

as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration.

"You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that.

But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.

Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over

and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"4 months vacation and five good leads."

[Coach Bryant]

Re: Joke Thread

Auburn......isn't that a good joke!

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

- Because she didn't have any arms.






Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

- Because he only comes once a year.

[The C]

Re: Joke Thread

I was at a bar the other day, the bartender asked me what I wanted.

I told him, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

[Trevytrev11]

Re: Joke Thread

One Liners:

1) What is Hellen Kellers favorite color?

Courdoroy (get it, she's blind and can't see, only feel)

2) Why did Helen Kellers dog jump off a cliff?

You'd jump off a cliff too if your name was "fly-dloh-blh-mla" (imagine saying it in the stero-typical and politically incorrect "********" voice).

3) What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call it, he's not going to come either way.

4) What do you call a bommerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

[Trevytrev11]

Re: Joke Thread

One of my favorites:

One day, a mother was feeling generous and wanted to do something nice for her three kids, so she made cupcakes. She wanted to put those little siver-ball decor sprinkles on top (http://www.supercook.co.uk/products/...er-balls/11215), but didn't have any so she used some of her sons bee-bee's.

Kid's beeing kid's tore into the cupcakes when they got home and never even realized they had just swallowed bee-bee's until later that night.

First, off the youngest son (about 7 years old) wakes the mom up in the middle of the night and says "Mom, I'm pee-ing bee-bee's and it hurts." The mom replies "I'm sorry son, but try and go to bed."

A little later, the middle son (about 12 years old) walks in to his moms room and wakes her up. "Mom, I'm peeing bee-bee's and it hurts." The mom replies "I know son, I'm sorry, but try and go to bed".

Finally, at about 3:00 in the morning, the oldest son (15 years old) walks in to the moms room and wakes her up "Mom-." The mother replies...."I know son, your peeing bee-bee's and it hurts, just try and go to bed"

"No" says the son, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog"

[Trevytrev11]

Re: Joke Thread

And another:

There was a 10 year old kid and he walked in on his parents getting it on. The son, not understanding what was going on asked his dad what they were doing.

The dad replied, "We're playing poker, I'm the king and she's my queen"

A few years later, the son, now 13, walked in on his parents again, but this time in a different position. After asking what they were doing, the father again gave the same reply:

"We're playing poker. I'm the king and and she's my queen"

Now the next day, the dad walks into the sons room to find him playing with himself.

Dad "Boy, what are you doing?"

Boy "I'm playing poker"

Dad "Well if your playing poker, where's your queen?"

Son "You don't need a queen if you have a good hand"

[DC]

Re: Joke Thread

Auburn.

[youvalss]

Re: Joke Thread

Q: How many guards does it take to push a prisoner down a flight of stairs?

A: None... he fell.

Ha ha!!! Hilarious! So short and so genious

[youvalss]

Re: Joke Thread

And another:

There was a 10 year old kid and he walked in on his parents getting it on. The son, not understanding what was going on asked his dad what they were doing.

The dad replied, "We're playing poker, I'm the king and she's my queen"

A few years later, the son, now 13, walked in on his parents again, but this time in a different position. After asking what they were doing, the father again gave the same reply:

"We're playing poker. I'm the king and and she's my queen"

Now the next day, the dad walks into the sons room to find him playing with himself.

Dad "Boy, what are you doing?"

Boy "I'm playing poker"

Dad "Well if your playing poker, where's your queen?"

Son "You don't need a queen if you have a good hand"

GREAT!!!!!