Joke Thread

[Rexis]

Re: Joke Thread



Friday, 01/15/2010

The Los Angeles Lakers have become the first NBA team to reach 3,000 wins. The New Jersey Nets trail them by just 2,997.

Blake Griffin is expected to miss the remainder of the season. But he will not miss playing for the Clippers.

A Spanish basketball team is interested in signing Darko Milicic. Wow, their bench must be freezing.

The Florida Marlins are set to visit U.S. military troops in Iraq and Kuwait. Because that's how far they have to travel to find a Marlins fan.

And the Kansas City Royals have hired former Milwaukee manager Ned Yost as a special adviser. Yost should be able to provide them with plenty of tips on how to spend their free time in October.

[ryan36]

Re: Joke Thread

Today's joke:
The UT coach search.

/joke

[ProjectRipCity]

Re: Joke Thread

Alright here is mine

"Greg Oden's knees"


Here is my real one

" The economy is so bad that I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border into Mexico."

[Rexis]

Re: Joke Thread


Monday, 01/18/2010

The New York Knicks are reportedly interested in Gilbert Arenas. Great - it's been a while since they had a shooter.

Miami's Michael Beasley says he wishes he worked at McDonald's so nobody would care about his marijuana use. One more arrest and he might have that chance.

David Beckham says he uses Skype to help his son Brooklyn with his homework. That way, Beckham can still have the opportunity to teach his son to quit.

Mark McGwire claimed to have a "Huge rolodex of knowledge" to pass on to Cardinals hitters. We're guessing it includes Victor Conte's number.

And John Daly used a 20-year-old wedge at the Sony Open. It's nice to hear Tiger Woods isn't the only one using 20-year-olds.

[BooShay]

Re: Joke Thread

What kind of Bees give milk?



Boobees

[Rexis]

Re: Joke Thread

What kind of Bees give milk?



Boobees

That's more riddle than joke.

[SidVish]

Re: Joke Thread

An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy.

The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter.

The American says, "Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?"

The English guy says, "A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle".

"Wow", says the American, "Can I have a go?"

"Sure", Says the Englishman.

The American rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, "You have one wish" says the genie.

The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish.

About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are thousands of them.

The American says "I don't believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks".

The Englishman says "Well do you really think I wished for a 12 inch BIC?".

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

you know when you`re too drunk to drive----when you swerve to miss a tree, and then realize it was just your air freshener

[daflyboys]

Re: Joke Thread

This married couple who were both hard of hearing were having difficulties in bed related to communication mix-ups. So they decided that they would need to give some type of signals since they had trouble hearing each other. They wrote notes to each other indicating what these signals should be. The wife wrote to her husband, "When you don't want sex, simply reach around and pull on my right boob once, and when you do want sex, simply reach around and pull on my left boob twice." The husband nodded that this would work well. He then gave his note to his wife, which read, "When you don't want sex, reach around and pull on my penis two-hundred and fifty times..... "

[Chef Matt]

Re: Joke Thread

This married couple who were both hard of hearing were having difficulties in bed related to communication mix-ups. So they decided that they would need to give some type of signals since they had trouble hearing each other. They wrote notes to each other indicating what these signals should be. The wife wrote to her husband, "When you don't want sex, simply reach around and pull on my right boob once, and when you do want sex, simply reach around and pull on my left boob twice." The husband nodded that this would work well. He then gave his note to his wife, which read, "When you don't want sex, reach around and pull on my penis two-hundred and fifty times..... "

[slickdtc]

Re: Joke Thread

This married couple who were both hard of hearing were having difficulties in bed related to communication mix-ups. So they decided that they would need to give some type of signals since they had trouble hearing each other. They wrote notes to each other indicating what these signals should be. The wife wrote to her husband, "When you don't want sex, simply reach around and pull on my right boob once, and when you do want sex, simply reach around and pull on my left boob twice." The husband nodded that this would work well. He then gave his note to his wife, which read, "When you don't want sex, reach around and pull on my penis two-hundred and fifty times..... "

Might have to start using signals myself...

Not by myself, though.

[Stroehms]

Re: Joke Thread

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Owls go...

Owls go who?

Exactly!

[Scott]

Re: Joke Thread

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Owls go...

Owls go who?

Exactly!

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

I saw a sign that read, NEED HELP CALL JESUS 1-800-555-3456, outta curiosity i did, and this MEXICAN with a lawnmower showed up!!

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

I was in JC Penny today and tripped on their escalator. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half!!!