Joke Thread

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

With Chelsea's wedding coming up, ... Hillary wanted to play the perfect
Mom

She asked Chelsea... "Have you had sex with Marc?"

...Chelsea said.... "No not according to Dad"

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

This one is a little more grown up............

What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common??....

Spoiler

They can both smell it but they can`t eat it!!!

[Watson]

Re: Joke Thread

How do you keep a fool in suspense?

DONT LEAVE ME WITH A CLIFFHANGER DAMMIT

[mKoz26]

Re: Joke Thread

With Chelsea's wedding coming up, ... Hillary wanted to play the perfect
Mom

She asked Chelsea... "Have you had sex with Marc?"

...Chelsea said.... "No not according to Dad"

Haven't heard that one yet.

[oldsKoolnupe]

Re: Joke Thread

A lawyer and a redneck are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that rednecks are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. So the lawyer asks if the redneck would like to play a fun game.

The redneck is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, "This game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. You ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the redneck's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The redneck doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the redneck's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the airphone, he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After an hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the redneck and hands him $500. The redneck pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes up the redneck and asks, "Well, what does go up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The redneck reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

[countryboy]

Re: Joke Thread

A lawyer and a redneck are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that rednecks are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. So the lawyer asks if the redneck would like to play a fun game.

The redneck is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, "This game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. You ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the redneck's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The redneck doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the redneck's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the airphone, he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After an hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the redneck and hands him $500. The redneck pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes up the redneck and asks, "Well, what does go up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The redneck reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

LOL...I was just about to post this same exact joke.

Its great...

[Ermolli]

Re: Joke Thread

Great joke

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

Thought I should get this thread back up. This isn't really a joke but a stupid fact that's funny to me.

Has anyone noticed that the planet URANUS is made of gas???

[countryboy]

Re: Joke Thread

Yes...its **** bump time. I actually thought this thread was locked.

Anyways....

Two blondes are walking down the street, when they notice a woman's compact/mirror lying on the ground. One of the blondes picks it up and says, "the person in the mirror looks familar." The other blonde says, "let me see. Silly, its me."



A blonde gets home from work and notices her boyfriend in bed with a brunette. She runs to the closet, grabs a gun from a box, loads it with bullets and puts it to her head. Her boyfriend runs up to her and exclaims, "honey please don't, I love you!!!!!!" The blonde screams in response,"SHUT UP, you're next!!!!"

[baumy300]

Re: Joke Thread

My girlfriend left me for a midget the other day.

This broke my heart - I couldn't believe she would stoop so low.

So I decided to try and make her jealous by dating a midget of my own. Unfortunately that relationship didn't work out so well. And it's too bad - I was just nuts over her.

[baumy300]

Re: Joke Thread

A man named Steve walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against Steve and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with Steve telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a ****ing midget."

[baumy300]

Re: Joke Thread

A midget walked into my local shop today and called the shop keeper a "cracker bastard."

I thought, "that's a little racist!"

[baumy300]

Re: Joke Thread

I was running late for work the other day when I was finally able to get on the highway. I was trying to steer the wheel with my knees, make a phone call, and finish tying my shoes when I looked up and was only inches away from the car in front of me.

I slammed on the brakes, but unfortunately was unable to stop in time. I had rear-ended the vehicle in front of me.

To my surprise, the driver of the vehicle stepped out and was a midget!

He said with a scowl "I'm not happy"

He really wasn't amused when I responded "Oh really? Which one are you then?"

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

Those jokes are coming up a little "short".

[mKoz26]

Re: Joke Thread

My girlfriend left me for a midget the other day.

This broke my heart - I couldn't believe she would stoop so low.

So I decided to try and make her jealous by dating a midget of my own. Unfortunately that relationship didn't work out so well. And it's too bad - I was just nuts over her.

A man named Steve walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against Steve and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with Steve telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a f**king midget."

A midget walked into my local shop today and called the shop keeper a "cracker bastard."

I thought, "that's a little racist!"

I was running late for work the other day when I was finally able to get on the highway. I was trying to steer the wheel with my knees, make a phone call, and finish tying my shoes when I looked up and was only inches away from the car in front of me.

I slammed on the brakes, but unfortunately was unable to stop in time. I had rear-ended the vehicle in front of me.

To my surprise, the driver of the vehicle stepped out and was a midget!

He said with a scowl "I'm not happy"

He really wasn't amused when I responded "Oh really? Which one are you then?"

Those jokes are coming up a little "short".

I didn't know there were so many midget jokes.