Joke Thread

[Brandwin]

Re: Joke Thread

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
















Momentum.

LOL. Out of all the Pincess Dianna jokes, I've never heard that one.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Joke Thread

This joke works best if you can hear it being told, but anyway...

Little Johnny gets on the bus for school and looks at the bus driver. Johnny then says, "Hey..Jackass!"

The bus driver does not say a word, closes the door and moves along.

Completely shocked, little Jenny in the front seat keeps things to herself until she gets home and tells her dad. The next day, Jenny and her Dad are on the bus as her dad is mortified that a little boy would be allowed to say such a thing to the bus driver with no consequence.

Sure enough, the bus stops at Johnny's spot. Johnny steps up, looks at the bus driver and says, "Hey..Jackass!" The bus driver does nothing, closes the door and moves along.

Infuriated, Jenny's dad stands up and says, "Now wait a minute! Everyday this boy stands in your face and calls you a jackass and you sit there and have nothing to say or do in return? This is horrible, how could you allow such a disrespectul thing?!?

The buss driver quickly replies...

"Awww...HeeeehawwwwLWAYS calls me that."

[ScoobySnax]

Re: Joke Thread

[agte]

Re: Joke Thread

There were 2 antennas on a roof top. One day they met, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great.

[agte]

Re: Joke Thread

There are 3 people in a room: a mathematician, an artist, and an accountant. Then they are being asked to answer the same question: what is 2 + 2?

The mathematician answers, "Well that's easy, it's 4."

The artist answers, "No, it's 22."

Then the accountant answers, "It's whatever you want it be."



a fun little accounting joke

[Evan_OS]

Re: Joke Thread

There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job. She began to scream and yell, “You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?”

“For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my fingers in the pickle slicer,” he explained, “and today I finally did it!”

The wife ran over and looked at his hands to see what damage had been done. “You look okay,” she said with a sigh of relief. “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”



“Well,” he said with hesitation, “they fired her, too.”

LMAO

[DRose131]

Re: Joke Thread

haha nice jokes
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[daflyboys]

Re: Joke Thread

B.B. King's wife wanted to give him a special surprise for his birthday, so she thought she'd tattoo his "B.B." initials on her butt.... one "B." on each cheek. He came home from the recording studio later in the day and is greeted by his wife wearing a short négligée. She exclaimed, "I have a surprise for you!", as she turned around and bent over.







King asked her..... "Who's Bob?"

[duckfever8]

Re: Joke Thread

B.B. King's wife wanted to give him a special surprise for his birthday, so she thought she'd tattoo his "B.B." initials on her butt.... one "B." on each cheek. He came home from the recording studio later in the day and is greeted by his wife wearing a short négligée. She exclaimed, "I have a surprise for you!", as she turned around and bent over.







King asked her..... "Who's Bob?"

LOL Wow, that was a great one

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

The problem with all of these jokes is I open the page and my eye ends up catching the punch-line before anything else.

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: Joke Thread

Anybody know what the difference is between jelly and jam?

[Rexis]

Re: Joke Thread

There once was five year old boy who enjoyed playing with his train set. One afternoon, his mother happened to be standing by the door listening to the boy play. She was shocked when she heard him saying,
"All right, all of you son of a bitches who want to get on the train, get on train. And all of you son of a bitches who want to get off the train, get off the train. And all of you son of a bitches who want to change seats, change seats now 'cause the train's getting ready to leave. Whoo whooooo."
The mother was just devastated, so she scolded her son and said to him,
"Now son, I want to go upstairs and take your nap, and when you get up, you can't play with your train set for two hours."
So the boy took his nap and didn't even mention his train set for two hours. After the two hours were up, the boy asked his mom if he could play with his train set again. She said yes, and asked him if he understood why he was punished. He nodded his head yes, and off he went. The mother stood by door to listen to what her son would say. The boy sat down to his train set and calmly said,
"Whoo whoooooo. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get on the train, get on the train. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get off the train, get off the train. And all you son of a bitches who are pissed 'cause the train is two hours late, go talk to the bitch in the kitchen.

[chicubsfan20]

Re: Joke Thread

Anybody know what the difference is between jelly and jam?

What's the difference?

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: Joke Thread

What's the difference?

I can't jelly my **** in your sister's mouth.

[daflyboys]

Re: Joke Thread

I can't jelly my **** in your sister's mouth.

Sorry....weak.


Now THIS is telling a joke:

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