Joke Thread

**jeremym480** · 02-18-2010, 12:52 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Nice

**ScoobySnax** · 02-18-2010, 01:04 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Originally posted by mkharsh33

a husband and wife are in bed together. he's feeling a bit horny, so he taps his wife on the shoulder and looks at her. she gets the idea, and says, "sorry honey, but not tonight...i've got a gynecologist appointment in the morning and want to make sure that i'm neat and tidy down there..."

so he rolls back over. but a few minutes later, still having those feelings, he rolls back over and, once again, taps her on the shoulder, and says, "you don't have a dentist appointment in the morning, do you?"

LMAO!

**Happy29** · 02-19-2010, 02:52 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Would a Lion cheat on his mate? No, but a Tiger would. (Aint that about the dumbest thing you've ever heard)

**Chef Matt** · 02-19-2010, 04:27 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Originally posted by bjowers29

Would a Lion cheat on his mate? No, but a Tiger would. (Aint that about the dumbest thing you've ever heard)

...............ooohhhhhhhh....now I get it.

**Blzer** · 02-19-2010, 04:41 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Originally posted by bjowers29

Would a Lion cheat on his mate? No, but a Tiger would. (Aint that about the dumbest thing you've ever heard)

**WTF** · 02-19-2010, 04:48 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Originally posted by Blzer

I love that picture...

**TheLetterZ** · 02-20-2010, 10:06 AM

Re: Joke Thread

Stole this from another forum.

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

**thegoat30** · 04-01-2010, 01:29 PM

Re: Joke Thread

I was in the restaurant yesterdy when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

**Happy29** · 04-01-2010, 02:18 PM

Re: Joke Thread

How many blonde jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories

**Happy29** · 04-06-2010, 08:18 PM

Re: Joke Thread

One morning a boy come downstairs with a roll of duck tape his dad says "Son what are you going to do with that duck tape?" He replies I'm going to catch some ducks" "Son, you cant catch ducks with duck tape." "Don't worry dad I know what I'm doing" Later that afternoon he comes in with 6 ducks, the dad is impressed. The next morning he comes downstairs with a bail of chicken wire. His dad ask "Son what are you going to do with that chicken wire?" "I'm going to catch some chickens" His dad says "Son you cant catch chickens with chicken wire" "Dad I know what I'm doing" Later That afternoon he comes in with 12 chickens, the dad is again impressed. The following morning the boy comes downstairs with some pu$$ywillows, his dad says " Wait just a minute son let me get my jacket and I'll go with you"

**WTF** · 04-06-2010, 08:37 PM

Re: Joke Thread

I liked that one...

**Koolie G** · 04-07-2010, 02:46 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Originally posted by TheLetterZ

Stole this from another forum.

Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

I liked this one. So freakin' true. Can't tell you how many times I've been asked why I didn't clean something and I reply that I didn't even think about it being dirty.

**ScoobySnax** · 04-07-2010, 04:02 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Originally posted by bjowers29

One morning a boy come downstairs with a roll of duck tape his dad says "Son what are you going to do with that duck tape?" He replies I'm going to catch some ducks" "Son, you cant catch ducks with duck tape." "Don't worry dad I know what I'm doing" Later that afternoon he comes in with 6 ducks, the dad is impressed. The next morning he comes downstairs with a bail of chicken wire. His dad ask "Son what are you going to do with that chicken wire?" "I'm going to catch some chickens" His dad says "Son you cant catch chickens with chicken wire" "Dad I know what I'm doing" Later That afternoon he comes in with 12 chickens, the dad is again impressed. The following morning the boy comes downstairs with some pu$$ywillows, his dad says " Wait just a minute son let me get my jacket and I'll go with you"

LMAO! That was great!

**BurghFan** · 04-07-2010, 09:43 PM

Re: Joke Thread

Originally posted by Koolie G

I liked this one. So freakin' true. Can't tell you how many times I've been asked why I didn't clean something and I reply that I didn't even think about it being dirty.

Or like the time I noticed my dog had eviscerated one of her stuffed toys and left a mess all over the floor. I just looked at it and decided to go into the kitchen to get some lunch before cleaning it up then my sister comes in and starts yelling at me for not cleasning it up when I first saw it. It was just a pile of stuiffing for crying out loud, it wasn't hurting anybody.

**sva91** · 04-08-2010, 01:48 AM

Re: Joke Thread

WHy dont blind people go skydiving?

It scares the sh*t outta the dog.

Joke Thread

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