Joke Thread

[countryboy]

Re: Joke Thread

Don't open if you're a Raider fan.
Sorry Raider fans too funny.
Don't worry guys it's clean.

Spoiler

A guy walks into a bar with his dog to watch the Raider game just before opening kickoff.

The bartender tells the guy "Hey, no dog's allowed in here"!

The guy says "But he's the biggest Raider fan there is and we don't want to miss any of the game"

Bartender says "OK fine but make sure he doesn't crap on the floor or anything!"

The guy says "oh no, he goes outside between quarters to do that"

As the game ensues the Raiders promptly drive down field and score a quick field goal.

The Dog JUMPS UP ON THE BAR AND GIVES THE BARTENDER A HI-FIVE!

The bartender, dumbfounded and amazed exclaims "HOLY $%^ THAT WAS INCREDIBLE!! HOW DID HE EVEN KNOW THEY SCORED, UNBEILIEVABLE!"

He then asks the guy "What does he do when they score a touchdown?"

The guy says " I don't know I've only had him 2 years..."

BAD DUM BUM CHHH. LOL

LMAO!

[Scottdau]

Re: Joke Thread

LMAO!

[TheLetterZ]

Re: Joke Thread

LMAO!

[WeLLWeLL]

Re: Joke Thread

LOL. That's good. I'll be using that one when I get back into the Bay.

[Chef Matt]

Re: Joke Thread

LMAO!

LMAO!

LMAO!

LOL. That's good. I'll be using that one when I get back into the Bay.

****Takes a bow*****

Thank you Thank you...LOL

[BurghFan]

Re: Joke Thread

That Raiders one reminded me of one I saw a number of years ago. It goes something like this.

WARNING! This joke is a bit dirty.

Spoiler

Three guys are walking down the street. One of them is wearing a Steelers hat, one is wearing a Ravens hat, and the last one is wearing a Browns hat. As they're walking they come across a woman laying unconscious and naked in some bushes and call the cops. While waiting for the cops they decide they should cover the woman so the first guy removes his Steelers hat and covers one of her breasts, the second guy removes his Ravens had and covers her other breast. The third guy removes his Browns hat and covers her groin area.

The policeman arrives and begins taking notes. He removes the Steelers hat and jots a few things down in his notebook and replaces it. He then repeats this with the Ravens hat. Finally he gets to the Browns hat, removes it, takes some notes and replaces it. He then picks up the hat again and writes some more notes. By now the Browns fan is becoming flustered and demands to know what the problem is. The policman's response .

Usually when I look under a Browns hat I see an *** HOLE!!

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

Those jokes remind me of this one:



The Chicago Bears football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Head coach Lovie Smith immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators.

After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE.

Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again this season.

[mKoz26]

Re: Joke Thread

Those jokes remind me of this one:



The Chicago Bears football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Head coach Lovie Smith immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators.

After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE.

Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again this season.

I've been on the fire Lovie wagon since last year.

[WDOgF0reL1fe]

Re: Joke Thread

What do you call a group of people watching the Super Bowl?

Spoiler

The Dallas Cowboys

[Piderman]

Re: Joke Thread

What do you call a group of people watching the Super Bowl?

Spoiler

The Dallas Cowboys

This could be replaced with 30 other teams...INCLUDING YOURS

[Piderman]

Re: Joke Thread

****Takes a bow*****

Thank you Thank you...LOL

....that was actually pretty funny

[CMH]

Re: Joke Thread

That Raiders one reminded me of one I saw a number of years ago. It goes something like this.

WARNING! This joke is a bit dirty.

Spoiler

Three guys are walking down the street. One of them is wearing a Steelers hat, one is wearing a Ravens hat, and the last one is wearing a Browns hat. As they're walking they come across a woman laying unconscious and naked in some bushes and call the cops. While waiting for the cops they decide they should cover the woman so the first guy removes his Steelers hat and covers one of her breasts, the second guy removes his Ravens had and covers her other breast. The third guy removes his Browns hat and covers her groin area.

The policeman arrives and begins taking notes. He removes the Steelers hat and jots a few things down in his notebook and replaces it. He then repeats this with the Ravens hat. Finally he gets to the Browns hat, removes it, takes some notes and replaces it. He then picks up the hat again and writes some more notes. By now the Browns fan is becoming flustered and demands to know what the problem is. The policman's response .

Usually when I look under a Browns hat I see an *** HOLE!!

I'm going to assume that this joke is regional.

I've heard the same joke with baseball teams and the Yankees replacing the Browns. Of course, in NY, it's the Red Sox. Just depends on where you live.

[Chef Matt]

Re: Joke Thread

I'm going to assume that this joke is regional.

I've heard the same joke with baseball teams and the Yankees replacing the Browns. Of course, in NY, it's the Red Sox. Just depends on where you live.

Yeah I've heard that one with the Raiders agian being the butt of the Joke. We're pretty much in 49'er region, even though they're both similar distances, so we here all the Raider jokes.

Me persoanlly? J>E>T>S> JETS JETS JETS!

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

An Indian tribesman one day went the Cheif and asked him " How do you come up with all the names you give the people of our tribe?" The Cheif then explains to him " While on my way to name the newborn I pick from the things I see on my way. So tell me 2 Dogs Having Sex In Woods why do you ask?"

[Speedy]

Re: Joke Thread

This happened today @ work so and there is no fudging involved; I call the GM of one of my accounts to check on them and the guy places me on hold so he can answer a call coming in - I can only hear what he's saying:

"Hello?"

"Yes, we are hiring but rather than coming down to get an application you can apply online @ [suchandsuch]"

long pause...

"No, we don't discrimante towards anyone...unless you have a felony."
(chuckles a bit)

"oh..."

silence...

"Yeh, you won't be getting hired here then."



I was about to fall out of my chair @ work after he hung up the phone. That's just simply priceless 3rd party-perspective humor.