Joke Thread

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

I got in trouble at wal-mart again. I saw a woman wearing a tight sweat shirt, that had guess written on the front. So I walked up to her and said ok my guess is they`re fake, and she hauls off and hits me.

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

This isn't a joke to tell but one you can pull on people. If you don`t believe it just try it , walk into a room anywhere and say.... something stinks in here ....then watch, everyone will start sniffing.

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

The only good thing about old women going bra-less, is that it pulls the wrinkles out of their faces.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

Does "Loading the dishwasher" mean getting your wife drunk?

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

A cop just knocked on my door and said my dogs was chasin people down the street on their bicycles, I told him I dont think it was my dogs, he asked me why, and i told him , MY DOGS DON`T KNOW HOW TO RIDE BICYCLES!!!

[daflyboys]

Re: Joke Thread

Speaking of dogs....


A blind man and his seeing-eye dog walk into the middle of a large department store. The man then takes his coat off, lifts up his dog and starts to swing him above his head in circles. The manager seeing this, rushes right over and yells, "SIR, SIR, CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?" to which the blind man replies, "no thanks..... I'm just looking around."

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

A blonde and a brunnette walking down the road,the brunnette says awww look a dead bird,the blonde looks up in the sky and says where????

[adice15]

Re: Joke Thread

Knock Knock

Who's There?

I'm a Pileup

I'm a Pileup Who?

Of course you are.

might take a few times to get it

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

is it mean to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

Apple just introduced the new I-Breast. It's fake boobs that have a built in mp3 player. Its to stop women from complaining that we stare at their breasts and don`t listen

[daflyboys]

Re: Joke Thread

Apple just introduced the new I-Breast. It's fake boobs that have a built in mp3 player. Its to stop women from complaining that we stare at their breasts and don`t listen

I get the impression from your last several posts that you want to be a stand-up comedian or you are a frustrated one! lol

Speaking of this topic, here's a quick joke:

Q: Why don't men have breasts?



A: Because if they did, they wouldn't get anything done all day.

[BurghFan]

Re: Joke Thread

Just remembered this one last night.

There were 2 statues sitting on opposite sides of a path through a park. One was an attractive young man and the other was an equally attractive young woman. Both had stood stoicly for many years through all kinds of weather and been climbed on by children, posed with, had graffiti written on them, and whatnot without ever complaining. One day an angel came down and offered them the chance to be alive for one hour as a reward for their many years of standing watch over the path. The angel asked them if there was anything they wanted to do to which the man and woman looked at each other and ran into the bushes. After an hour of giggling and laughing, they returned to the angel who had been waiting on the path ready to resume being statues but the angel seeing how much fun they had offered them another hour of being alive to which they graciously accepted. The man tunred to the woman and said . . .












. . . OK, this time you hold down the pigeons and I'll poop on their heads.

[jeremym480]

Re: Joke Thread

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the lights.. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor,but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

[Watson]

Re: Joke Thread

Corny one.

I have these two lesbian neighbors. When they asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said,"To Watch." On my birthday, they came to me with 2 boxes, which I thought was sexual products. Turns out it was 2 Fossil watches.

[Evan_OS]

Re: Joke Thread

I get the impression from your last several posts that you want to be a stand-up comedian or you are a frustrated one! lol

Speaking of this topic, here's a quick joke:

Q: Why don't men have breasts?



A: Because if they did, they wouldn't get anything done all day.

Thought that was funny.