Joke Thread

[Bobolini]

Re: Joke Thread

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle
from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'

He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer
complaints.'

Wish I could think so quickly. . .

[baumy300]

Re: Joke Thread

Lie Detector


John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.

It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned
home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked
John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,"
said Tommy.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.

"Son, said John, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really
were after school."

" We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." Said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off
his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I
lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to
my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack
that nea rly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you
ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is
your son!"

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out
of her chair.

[auburntigersfan]

Re: Joke Thread

"Hey, did you hear the news, Soulja Boy was murdered?"

"You know who killed him?"









YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! (with hand motions and all, gets 'em everytime)

Also the stupidest joke ever.

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

"Hey, did you hear the news, Soulja Boy was murdered?"

"You know who killed him?"









YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! (with hand motions and all, gets 'em everytime)

Also the stupidest joke ever.

It would have been better if it weren't a joke.

[ezekiel55]

Re: Joke Thread

It would have been better if it weren't a joke.

That was a joke?

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

Lawyer Joke

(how redundant)


A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in his cruiser was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing.

But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up that day, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said. 'You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.'

'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!'

'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer

'My Rolex!'

[dossier]

Re: Joke Thread

I was gonna post this in the thread about Gerorgia and Russia, but it will still make you laugh

[ChubbyBanana]

Re: Joke Thread

Sorry if this joke is too dirty for here. I've seen some worse ones, so here goes:

A Guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a
friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a
male or female horse.

"A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once
over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.


"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is getting pretty ticked off, but he picks him up again
and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
Totally mad as hell at this point, the rancher grabs him under his
arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's ***, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a
widdlebit"?

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

^

[Brandwin]

Re: Joke Thread

After reading some other jokes, this one isn't all that bad.

a girl and her mother go to the zoo and the girl sees these 2 monkeys havin sex, and the girl goes "Mommy what are they doing?" and the mom goes "They're making cakes"

then the mother and daughter come across a couple going at it in the park and the girl goes "Mommy what are those two doing?" and the mom goes "They're making cakes"

then they next morning the girl says to the mother, "You and daddy were making cakes last night weren't you?" and the mom says "How do you know?" and the girl says, "Cuz i was eating the icing on your bed this morning"

[J-Unit40]

Re: Joke Thread

^ Come on dude!

That's awful.....and awesome. :-)

[mkharsh33]

Re: Joke Thread

a husband and wife are in bed together. he's feeling a bit horny, so he taps his wife on the shoulder and looks at her. she gets the idea, and says, "sorry honey, but not tonight...i've got a gynecologist appointment in the morning and want to make sure that i'm neat and tidy down there..."

so he rolls back over. but a few minutes later, still having those feelings, he rolls back over and, once again, taps her on the shoulder, and says, "you don't have a dentist appointment in the morning, do you?"

[CMH]

Re: Joke Thread

Nice!

[Brandwin]

Re: Joke Thread

a husband and wife are in bed together. he's feeling a bit horny, so he taps his wife on the shoulder and looks at her. she gets the idea, and says, "sorry honey, but not tonight...i've got a gynecologist appointment in the morning and want to make sure that i'm neat and tidy down there..."

so he rolls back over. but a few minutes later, still having those feelings, he rolls back over and, once again, taps her on the shoulder, and says, "you don't have a dentist appointment in the morning, do you?"

[X*Cell]

Re: Joke Thread

a husband and wife are in bed together. he's feeling a bit horny, so he taps his wife on the shoulder and looks at her. she gets the idea, and says, "sorry honey, but not tonight...i've got a gynecologist appointment in the morning and want to make sure that i'm neat and tidy down there..."

so he rolls back over. but a few minutes later, still having those feelings, he rolls back over and, once again, taps her on the shoulder, and says, "you don't have a dentist appointment in the morning, do you?"

wooo... rofl