Joke Thread

[OSUG1]

Re: Joke Thread

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[X*Cell]

Re: Joke Thread

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that was great

[WTF]

Re: Joke Thread

:y4:

[Bobolini]

Re: Joke Thread

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.

Don't worry about that", says St. Peter,”it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.

Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

"Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"

"Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

“I can't do this", says the old lady, “I'm going to Hell."

"You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that.

[Orion]

Re: Joke Thread

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That was hilarious.

[GenoG]

Re: Joke Thread

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.

Don't worry about that", says St. Peter,”it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.

Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

"Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"

"Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

“I can't do this", says the old lady, “I'm going to Hell."

"You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that.

HAHA, nice!

[dkgojackets]

Re: Joke Thread

lol that was good

[Bobolini]

Re: Joke Thread

The Photo on the Night Stand

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another
Man on her nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry.. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be
Reassured.

"No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

[OSUG1]

Re: Joke Thread

Husband and wife in bed together.

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She: "Oh, that feels good."

His hand moves to her breast.

She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."

His hand moves to her leg.

She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."

But he stops.

She: "Why did you stop?"

He: "I found the remote

[OSUG1]

Re: Joke Thread

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that
his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, "I haven't ever seen
anything like this before in my entire medical career.
What do you do for a living? Do you work around any
hazardous materials?" The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man
responds, "Nothing, I'm really a stay at home, couch potato."

The doctor is really puzzled now and says, "You can't
not do anything. What do you do at home all day?"

The man replies, "Honestly, doc I, don't do anything.
I just sit on the couch, watch porno flicks and eat Cheetos."

[Bobolini]

Re: Joke Thread

^^

[OSUG1]

Re: Joke Thread

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his
mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie
was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John
and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between John and the
roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John
volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,
Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy
ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to
be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother,

I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm
not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains
that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, John."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which
read:

"Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying
that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if
she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy
ladle by now.

Love, Mom."

[OSUG1]

Re: Joke Thread

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.

[Cebby]

Re: Joke Thread



5 Smileys spitting out water out of 5

[skitch]

Re: Joke Thread

:y4: Oh man, that's great.