Joke Thread

[Coach Bryant]

Re: Joke Thread

Pull my finger.

[Meatball]

Re: Joke Thread

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[Meatball]

Re: Joke Thread

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

[Meatball]

Re: Joke Thread

A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your a-hole. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar." "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my a$$..."

[TheMatrix31]

Re: Joke Thread

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

Those two are great!

[MJ23]

Re: Joke Thread

what do you call black people on earth

problems

what do you call black people on the moon

problem solved

[Meatball]

Re: Joke Thread

what do you call black people on earth

problems

what do you call black people on the moon

problem solved

Whoa!! You got balls my friend.

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

what do you call black people on earth

problems

what do you call black people on the moon

problem solved

Oooooh you're so lucky I only thought that was half crossing the line...

[MJ23]

Re: Joke Thread

i couldnt use the N word and didnt want to make it extremly racist...

[MJ23]

Re: Joke Thread

Whats faster than a black guy running down the street with a TV????

his brother whos holding the VCR

[Meatball]

Re: Joke Thread

Whats faster than a black guy running down the street with a TV????

his brother whos holding the VCR

LMAO!!

[jdros13]

Re: Joke Thread

Everybody likes a good golf joke....

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock' care, and you'll be her care giver!"

Wracked with guilt, the man broke down and sobbed.

The doctor snickered and said, "Just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

Everybody likes a good golf joke....

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock' care, and you'll be her care giver!"

Wracked with guilt, the man broke down and sobbed.

The doctor snickered and said, "Just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

Reminds me of that Family Guy episode when Peter flashes back to a time that he interned at a hospital. It goes something like:


Peter: I'm afraid I have some very bad news. Your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You have to bath her, feed her and care for her the rest of her life.

Husband: Oh my god!

Peter (laughs): No, no, no! I'm just kiddin'! I'm just kiddin'... she's dead.

[TheMatrix31]

Re: Joke Thread

LMAO....that golf joke is horrible.

[WTF]

Re: Joke Thread

:y4: Horrible, yes.. but hilarious... most definitely.