Joke Thread

[baumy300]

Re: Joke Thread

One Liners:

1) What is Hellen Kellers favorite color?

Courdoroy (get it, she's blind and can't see, only feel)

2) Why did Helen Kellers dog jump off a cliff?

You'd jump off a cliff too if your name was "fly-dloh-blh-mla" (imagine saying it in the stero-typical and politically incorrect "********" voice).

3) What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call it, he's not going to come either way.

4) What do you call a bommerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?


A: Because she's a woman.

[youvalss]

Re: Joke Thread

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?


A: Because she's a woman.

Great! Now tell it to your girl...

[Boltman]

Re: Joke Thread

This is my eight year old daughter Maya telling me this joke as I type it, so here goes.......



So there is this Blonde girl and her mother, and their home is on fire, so the daughter calls 9 1 1 and says "My house is on fire! My house is on fire!"

Then the fire department responds with "OK miss, stay calm, how do we get there?"

She then responds with a bit of an attitude "Heeelllllooooo in the Big red truck!!! Duhh!!"

[bsb13]

Re: Joke Thread

This is my eight year old daughter Maya telling me this joke as I type it, so here goes.......



So there is this Blonde girl and her mother, and their home is on fire, so the daughter calls 9 1 1 and says "My house is on fire! My house is on fire!"

Then the fire department responds with "OK miss, stay calm, how do we get there?"

She then responds with a bit of an attitude "Heeelllllooooo in the Big red truck!!! Duhh!!"

That was cute.

[Acid]

Re: Joke Thread

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?


A: Because she's a woman.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?




Because she was a woman.

Beat you to it already.

[baumy300]

Re: Joke Thread

Great! Now tell it to your girl...

Haha, not a chance bro.

Beat you to it already.

My bad dude.

[youvalss]

Re: Joke Thread

A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!' The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.' The man goes on and encounters another passerby. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!' The person says, 'I not American, I Vietnamese'. The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful America!' That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East, I am not American!'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an American?' She says 'No, I am from Africa!' Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Americans?' The African lady checks her watch and says...'Probably at work!!!!!!!

[CMH]

Re: Joke Thread

A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, 'Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!' The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.' The man goes on and encounters another passerby. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!' The person says, 'I not American, I Vietnamese'. The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful America!' That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East, I am not American!'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an American?' She says 'No, I am from Africa!' Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Americans?' The African lady checks her watch and says...'Probably at work!!!!!!!

This joke has holes in it. If all of the Americans are at work, why is the Mexican not cutting their grass?

[youvalss]

Re: Joke Thread

This joke has holes in it. If all of the Americans are at work, why is the Mexican not cutting their grass?

Not bad...

[Bobolini]

Re: Joke Thread

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers . . . . . They panhandle on different
areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose, but only
collects 2 to 3 dollars each day, maybe 8 on a good day.

Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes,
lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do, but how
do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?"

Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos sign reads, "I have no work, my wife and 6 kids are hungry."

Jose says, "No wonder you don't get much money."

Carlos says . . ., "So what does your sign say?"

Jose shows Carlos his sign . . . . It reads:
"I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico ."

[countryboy]

Re: Joke Thread

There is a family of consisting of a Mother and Father, a 7 year old son and a grandmother(mother of the father) all living in the same house.


One day the 7 year old boy comes home from school and he hears noises coming from his parents' room. So he races upstairs and opens their bedroom door and sees his mom and dad having sex. The dad gives the little boy a smile and a thumbs up, and the little boy slams the door shut in terror and runs to his room.

The next day, the father comes home from work and he hears noises coming from the grandmother's room. He races to her room and opens the door and sees his son banging his grandma. The little boy looks back at his dad and says, "Its not so funny when its your mom is it?"

[countryboy]

Re: Joke Thread

A redneck calls his family doctor because his teenage daughter has been acting differently and not herself the past few weeks. The doctor, after discussing the symptons with the father asks, "Is she sexually active?", to which the father replies, "Nope. She just lays there like her mother?"

[in mid air]

Re: Joke Thread

(written above a urinal)
Why are you looking up here?
Are you ashamed of it?

[themush]

Re: Joke Thread

A new national poll asked whether people who live in the United States think illegal immigration is a serious problem.

29% of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.”

71% of respondents answered: “No es una problema seriosa.”

[in mid air]

Re: Joke Thread

A new national poll asked whether people who live in the United States think illegal immigration is a serious problem.

29% of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.”

71% of respondents answered: “No es una problema seriosa.”

Seriously you just made me spit out my Sunkist all over the keyboard.