Joke Thread

[Rexis]

Re: Joke Thread

One morning a boy come downstairs with a roll of duck tape his dad says "Son what are you going to do with that duck tape?" He replies I'm going to catch some ducks" "Son, you cant catch ducks with duck tape." "Don't worry dad I know what I'm doing" Later that afternoon he comes in with 6 ducks, the dad is impressed. The next morning he comes downstairs with a bail of chicken wire. His dad ask "Son what are you going to do with that chicken wire?" "I'm going to catch some chickens" His dad says "Son you cant catch chickens with chicken wire" "Dad I know what I'm doing" Later That afternoon he comes in with 12 chickens, the dad is again impressed. The following morning the boy comes downstairs with some pu$$ywillows, his dad says " Wait just a minute son let me get my jacket and I'll go with you"

[Happy29]

Re: Joke Thread

Marriage is like a slurpy..ya take a few sips, and you're like I'm glad i did this, and then you take a few more sips and it's like OW OW OW OW!!!

[raidersbball20]

Re: Joke Thread

"WATT's the name of the person that invented the steam engine?"

[Rawdeal28]

Re: Joke Thread

Marriage is like a slurpy..ya take a few sips, and you're like I'm glad i did this, and then you take a few more sips and it's like OW OW OW OW!!!

[z Revis]

Re: Joke Thread

LOL @ gif. How do you punch yourself?

[jeremym480]

Re: Joke Thread

AN ALTER BOY'S CONFESSION


'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads."

[ruserl88]

Re: Joke Thread

i was kicked out of the boy scouts
..... for eating a brownie

[duckfever8]

Re: Joke Thread

Some geese were in the Middle East, and one of the soldiers asked "why are they're geese here?"

Another soldier said "Those aren't geese, that's Canada's air force"

I have nothing against Canada at all, by the way. It's just in good fun.

[Rawdeal28]

Re: Joke Thread

i was kicked out of the boy scouts
..... for eating a brownie

AN ALTER BOY'S CONFESSION


'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads."

[ruserl88]

Re: Joke Thread

frank stops to fill his truck up with gas & he has his dog with him ( stop me if you've already heard this ) . his friend jim pulls up to the pumps too , & as frank is lost in conversation with jim , he spills gas all over the ground . frank's dog jumps out of the truck & begins lapping up the spilt gas before either man can stop him . the dog then starts running around in circles & suddenly falls over . jim says '' i think your dog died '' . frank replies '' no , he's just out of gas ''

[ryan36]

Re: Joke Thread

There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job. She began to scream and yell, “You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?”

“For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my fingers in the pickle slicer,” he explained, “and today I finally did it!”

The wife ran over and looked at his hands to see what damage had been done. “You look okay,” she said with a sigh of relief. “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”

“Well,” he said with hesitation, “they fired her, too.”

[Rawdeal28]

Re: Joke Thread

There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job. She began to scream and yell, “You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?”

“For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my fingers in the pickle slicer,” he explained, “and today I finally did it!”

The wife ran over and looked at his hands to see what damage had been done. “You look okay,” she said with a sigh of relief. “So what happened to the pickle slicer?”

“Well,” he said with hesitation, “they fired her, too.”

[ScoobySnax]

Re: Joke Thread

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

[Blzer]

Re: Joke Thread

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
















Momentum.

[Rawdeal28]

Re: Joke Thread

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

LMAO!